C-PTSD and Childhood Trauma

[avant-garde]

@Former-Member 

I needed someone to just tell me that I'm doing well and that they're proud of me...

[Former-Member]

@avant-garde well you are doing well my sweet, and I'm proud of you ❤️. 

[avant-garde]

Thought I might share this... just finished writing it

@Former-Member @Jynx @tyme @Till23 @Shaz51 @MJG017 @Ru-bee @rav3n @Bill16 @PeppyPatti @Glisten @TAB @Appleblossom 

you ask me what it looks like
complex PTSD
it's different for every person
for some it's neurodivergency

for me it's a lot of things
not just images in my mind
it's surrounded in pillows
because I'm the thrashing kind

it's dissociative seizures
where I pass out on the floor
can be out for minutes
or hours, or more

it's going from calm to panic
like the flick of a switch
something just triggered
maybe just an image

it's having something shake you
to the core of your memory
a concept or belief
that becomes your identity

it's waking up each day
wondering what will happen next
your schedule keeps you sane
what's the next thing on the list

it's being hypervigilant
because you know nothing else
always on your guard
dare not ask for help

it's always being tired
because you always had to see
what's around that corner
is it coming for me

it's terrified and triggered
at the most simple things
from words in nursery rhymes
to a myriad of things

it's not something you can plan for
or something to be changed
it's something that has shaped you
to be so incredibly... brave

[PeppyPatti]

I just found this thread - 

It's taken me a long time to venture out 

I have a lot of childhood trauma 

But my two sons have heaps and heaps of unresolved trauma 

They are both quite damaged. 

[Former-Member]

@avant-garde such powerful words and it really hits home just how much we have to deal with each and every day,  some days harder then others. 

You are amazing and so very brave ❤️ 

[rav3n]

thank you for sharing @avant-garde you really do have a way with words, the last 3 stanzas in particular stood out to me. you are incredibly brave indeed 💙

[MJG017]

@avant-garde 

Thank you for sharing that.  It certainly articulates very well what its like to live with these traumas for a lot of us.  It would be great if people outside of this forum that don't experience it could read it.  Maybe there will be a lot less stigma and more understanding out there if they did.

[avant-garde]

@MJG017 it's part of my manuscript for 365 days in poetry (will be published under a nom de plume), one poem a day for this entire year.

[Jynx]

@avant-garde 

I have no words...

I will try anyway.

Wow. I am so deeply moved, like... I think you captured soooo well the intensity, the perpetuality, and the constant wariness. Thank you for sharing 💜

[Till23]

It’s funny (not in the hilarious way) @avant-garde 

I hope everyone else is as good as possible given your circumstances