C-PTSD and Childhood Trauma

[Dimity]

Hello @Till23 . A great deal of what you say resonates with my experience and life course, other than the cancer diagnoses. How are you now? 

I'm glad you're in a stable financial and housing position, it helps a lot.  But self sufficiency sometimes goes along with social isolation.

I too was a workaholic, losing a sense of worth and purpose when I retired. It's something I need to work on! 

It sounds as though you haven't pursued therapy for your cptsd, and I understand your diffidence,  but is it something you'd consider? 

I'm glad you've found us, and I look forward to seeing you around. 

[Till23]

Hello @Dimity and thank you.

Cancers have been treated and are gone just need to follow up every year.

[Dimity]

I'm glad you've had help from a psychologist @Till23 . I hope you'll be able to continue with them even if it's less frequent. 

I only started trying to deal with my cptsd about a year ago although in retrospect it damaged me from early times. I was ineligible for longterm help with the first psychologist and the second one was quite unsuitable. I've given up on therapy fir now but hope to get some guidance on current problems from a MH social worker. 

I'm sorry you're struggling with self-worth post retirement.  Perhaps you'll have a chance to pursue hobbies or interests now you have more time, or find a volunteering opportunity.  I've been limited by depression and lack of transport (I don't drive).

I trust you're feeling less stressed now. I also retired early because I wasn't coping and hadn't made financial plans but things worked out OK.

[Till23]

Thank you @Dimity 

I’m sorry you didn’t seek help earlier but I can empathise to some degree because I did the same thing.

I hope the social worker turns out to be helpful.

Can I ask what you mean by ineligible for long term help?I’ve been helped recently by these forums.

 I’m glad your non-ideal retirement has worked out and it gives me some hope so thanks

[Dimity]

@Till23 the psychologist was in some sort of community organisation and said there was a time limit of a few months, it wouldn't be ongoing. I started EMDR with her and only processed a couple of events before time ran out. The next one I tried said some quite damaging and untrue things so I felt I couldn't trust her.

Yes my non-ideal retirement worked out financially but left me in an emotional black hole I'm still struggling with. Recently there are glimmers of hope things can improve. 

I'm glad you have some plans.

[Till23]

@Dimity 

Oh I see about the time-limited therapy.

It’s such an unfair situation that you can only get 10 sessions per year with a Medicare rebate and the rebate only covers about half of private psychologist fee. And that requires 2 GP visits which are almost never bulk-billed. Anything public I have found is time-limited if it exists at all. Many, if not all, people with cPTSD are victims of a crime(s).

If you don’t mind me asking, Why do you say your retirement has left you in an emotional black hole?

[Dimity]

I'm not sure how to answer that @Till23 . I'll try.

I guess I worked to survive and survived to work. I had no homelife or social life and was estranged from most of my family. My gp retired a couple of weeks after I did and my psychologist withdrew. Things imploded. Someone offered help that was a poisoned chalice and as a result I've been in an emotional and financial bind ever since. I've come to realise I had no notions of autonomy or choices and that my previous MH crises studding otherwise relentless depression seemed preceded by overwhelming stress or flashbacks or both. I felt very much alone and ostracised and stigmatised. So that was my black hole. Then in a string of disasters I learnt a family member was in even deeper and I was unable to help them. Now I'm trying to take stock of my own situation and reach out and ask for help,  and slowly try to fix things, but it's taken a lifetime to get here. My CSA was early but other forms of abuse and neglect were ongoing. It's a leap of faith to think there's room for hope.

[Till23]

@Dimity 

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had sooo much to deal with.

I hope that you can feel hopeful, it sounds as though you’ve had some bad times in the past, but you’ve been able to recover. 

[Dimity]

I'm glad you're aware there've been good times @Till23 . The full-on flashbacks during radiotherapy sound awful. I think you said you've had support dealing with these? 

Stress, depression, loneliness are debilitating even when we recognise the underlying causes. Are you experiencing more stress lately, or just not coping as well as you used to? Perhaps stress can grow when there's more time and mental space for it, it's no longer crowded out by the demands of work.

I hope the forums are helping a little.

[Till23]

Thanks for reply @Dimity 

 I have found some help from the forums so that has been good