Lived Experience Forum

[Gazza75]

Hi again @Doglover , my thought's have been with you.  Thanks for responding and being as strong as you are through this.    It's hard struggling with uncertain finances, I've been there myself and it makes life so much more diffucult.  Throw MI on top of that and I think most mortals would crumble.  

Most people struggle to be open, honest, brave enough to talk about mental health stuff.  Men are probably the worst at it.

Before t went through my own dramas I really didn't know much about it or where you would begin.  I think the most important thing is to try and take care of yourself as best you can, which you are doing.  Reach out on here or wherever you need to, i don't think theres a right or wrong way to battle through this.  Each of us have to forge our own path and way as best we can.  

Maybe you could look for something new to do together?  A shared interest or perhaps something you used to do, but haven't in a long time?  As @greenpea said it's one small step at a time. 

Loneliness is definitely a kicker, i've been struggling with that one for a while.  I know its not easy to look at the positives, its natural for us to think otherwise.  But, where theres life theres hope 🙂

Take care

[Ali11]

Love what you said @Orwellian "Learn to love the "You" which exists now." It's really important to learn to love yourself, because it is a learned state, we can be our own worst critics or our biggest champions 

You're right about loneliness as well @Gazza75, it's a real struggle at times. Learning to love your own company is a superpower. 

[Eden1919]

@Doglover  i tried to read most of this but i couldnt so sorry if i am repeating anything but firstly it does sometimes feel horrible to not be who you were or thought you were but we are constantly changing and sometimes it is for the better sometimes not either way without a time machine (as much as it would be great to have) the past cant be changed and sometimes going back isnt best either we have to change to survive if we stayed the same we wouldnt last. also mostly i find that peoples personalities dont change their actions do and they way they look at things does but the bit that makes them them normally stays sometimes it is harder to see though. 

as for your husband.... is there anyway you can have fun again? do something new and exciting and bond again but not trying to go back but to make a new stronger connection sometimes a clean slate is good. but i understand if his perceptions of the mental health stuff make that difficult. but maybe he might be willing to try?

also another thing even if you did this alone but is if possible to get a change of scenery? sometimes seeing new things can help clear your mind a bit like when you change your bed sheets and it is all fresh and new and you sleep better that night. it is not good for people to look at the same things all the time. we evolved to walk long distances and go far and wide it isnt good for us to sit still for too long. also being away from the city is nice, laying in the grass with your eyes closed and the sun shining while a cool breeze blows and the trees rustle and birds chirp. this kind of thing is healing in ways that are not obvious but very helpful. sometimes to unclutter your mind you need your environment to be clear. 

idk if i am making any sense sorry if this is all trash feel free to ignore it.  

[Doglover]

Hi @Gazza75 , thank u for ur msg of support and for thinking of me at this time. 

I certainly dont feel strong! I feel about as weak as can be!  And yes, financial struggles certainly add to the health and relationship challenges that we r facing. I agree that men particularly struggle to talk about these things, i think in particular those who hav had no exposure to it  or understanding of it. It is so foreign to my husband and he just cant deal with it.

Thank u for the good suggestion about finding something to do together, something new or something we used to enjoy. That is a gd idea as we rly dont do nething in our lives nemore.

Im sorry u hav struggled with loneliness so much also, it rly is a tough road.

But as u rightly said, where there is life, there is hope. And i need to hold on to that hope bcoz i hav bn feeling very hopeless.

So thanks again @Gazza75  for your encouragement and support. I hope u are doing well with ur MH challenges at the moment. Wishing u all the best.

Doglover

[Doglover]

Hi @Orwellian , and nice to 'meet' you. Thank u very much for ur reply and ur fresh perspective on how to view this situation. You r right, i need to let go of what was, somehow accept what is and hope for a brighter future.

My GP has discussed MHCP on a number of occasions. The problem is that i cant afford the gap fee. I am on a waiting list at the moment for the psychologist at the public hospital that i am seeing the psychiatrist at. I havnt found psychologists to be that helpful in the past tbh, but im willing to give it another try.

Thank u once again @Orwellian  for your unique perspective, i hadnt thought of changing my perspective and looking at things like that before. So thank u. Best wishes to you and i hope u r doing well on ur journey.

[Doglover]

Hi @Ali11 , nice to hear from u. I agree with u, @Orwellian  and @Gazza75  had some rly good responses to my post. 

I find , especially at the moment, that i am my own worst critic, i am so hard and harsh towards myself. I blame myself for everything that is now going wrong in our lives, everything that has changed for the worse is my fault. I wld never treat a friend like that, and yet i dont hesitate to treat myself like that. I can be almost cruel in my harshness toward myself. @Orwellian is right, i need to learn to love the me that exists now. Not quite sure how to do that tho!

Re loneliness, we all need people i believe, but at the same time, we need to find a way to be able to cope when the people close to us are not there for us in the way we need them to be, which can b more often than not rly. So i guess we need to develop an internal resilience to that and find ways to be there for ourselves, or if one is a Christian, look to the Lord for comfott and strength, which is something i need to do more of.

I hope u are doing ok @Ali11 . You were doing it tough there for a while, has anything improved for u? Thinking of u.

[Doglover]

Hi @Eden1919 , thank u for ur msg - its not trash at all - you hav some rly good points in thr.

You are right that we r constantly changing and i need to let go of the past and who i once was, not sure how to do that but will giv it a try. I need to accept that life is different now, and hope for a brighter future.

Yes hubby's perceptions of the MH stuff do make for things betwn us to be very challenging, but nonetheless, doing something fun together wld b a good thing. We used to hav so much fun together, no matter what we were doing rly, but thats just non existent now. Its a good idea to find a way to introduce some fun again.

You are right too about a change of scenery. Apart from frequent appointments, i spend most of my time at home, as does my husband, and it can get very boring and very difficult to find ways to fill in the time (unless i start doing one of umpteen projects that r in my mind to do that i just cant be bothered doing - even then, thats not a change of scenery hey). Mayb going for a drive out in the country and finding a nice spot to stop and enjoy the scenery wld b a good thing.

Thanks for your ideas @Eden1919  and for taking the time and effort to reply to my post. Much appreciated. And take care.

[Ali11]

Things have been improving @Doglover, thanks for asking  How are you today?
Absolutely relate to that negative self talk! It's a real challenge, and a question that a lot of conversations keep coming back to is whether the negative self talk is internal or external. Is it something we develop ourselves or is it something that was 'given' to us when we were young? Someone recently said that society often focuses on the outcome, not on the process, and that we perceive people as beautiful because they're comfortable with themselves and love who they are, not just because they fit some societal ideal. You're right about needing people, our brains grow with social connection, but when we become so attached to the idea of that connection that we lose the connection with ourselves that can be anxiety inducing. There are some great little videos online with talks about this stuff, this one was doing the rounds on social media yesterday (and very coincidental that the title is what was said above ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGCc1cUbx90

[Doglover]

Hi @Ali11 , im glad things r improving for u. I previously did quite a long msg to u but got a phone call when i was part way thru it and it was wiped when i came back to it. Ggrr.

Things seem to be going the other way for me - symptoms r getting worse, sleep quality and quantity seems to b getting worse by the night. Things r not good. See my psychiatrist on monday, not that i have any confidence in things improving but going to lay it on the line that things r not good. They just want to keep upping the other medication while i reduce the short term meds but its just not cutting the mustard! This life can be so hard at times,  i just dont know what to do or whr to turn anymore. Sorry for such a depressing post!

[Ali11]

That is annoying when that happens @Doglover, you've spent time writing and then the page refreshes and you lose it. Sorry to hear it's been a rough past few days for you  What is your routine to help you sleep? Things will improve, sometimes it's that 1% effect, it might improve 1% each week, but over a 100 weeks that's a vast improvement, even if you don't see it while you're in that process. Do you think they'd be open to explaining why they feel that plan would work for you? Maybe if they can communicate what they're seeing that you're not, it could help? And vice versa? Never be sorry for going through a hard time, you have to forgive yourself for wanting to talk to someone about what you're feeling