Lived Experience Forum

[Bipolar94]

Ive realised this week that, after being harrassed and stalked at my previous job, something isnt right at all.

Ive had a few things to get done this week in public and interacting with other people.

A wave of fear, sense of danger, fight or flight, sickness come over me when needing to be around someone of the opposite gender. If i had to stand in line or sit and wait i was close to just leaving because i didnt feel safe. 

So now it makes me wonder how will i even be able to get back to work again at a new job??(ive been out of work for 2 months nowp because i felt unsafe at work due to this sicko and management didnt do anything to make me feel safe once i reported it)... what if hes there at my new job? Its aged care so pretty common for workers to jump from one place to the next. What if i have male colleagues again? Even speaking with a male GP today on the phone i had the wave of feeling sick and heart racing and danger even though it was over the phone.

I have trouble sleeping, i have no energy during the day, i have no interest in my usual hobbies or interests. I just lay on the lounge all day with almost random waves of crying.

At times i feel as though im ready to talk about it and am close to calling the psychologist to book an appointment in but then my mind just tells me that how im feeling isnt valid and why should i book in? Management didnt care at my previous job so why would anyone care when ive had that trust broken?

Why am i the one suffering when i did nothing wrong.

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome @Bipolar94 

soo glad to see you here and you are not alone my friend 

my husband has bipolar 2 and other diagnosis and he is not able to go back to work so we turned to being self employed with very little jobs and he is worried all the time 

I will tag a few members for you 

@HenryX, @eth , @Mazarita , @Dimity , @frog 

also have a thred called Let`s talk about Bipolar to click on to 

[ArtistZ]

Hi @Bipolar94 

That sounds really tough. I had a similar situation a few years ago with someone in the workplace and the whole thing really triggered me too.

Standing near guys that looked like particular men made me feel the same - absolute flight or fight response. (It also triggered past stuff for me which I thought I'd dealt with).
I did talk to someone about it and it helped a lot. If you can talk to your psychologist about it, that would be a great option.

How you're feeling is totally valid. And understandable.

And I agree that it isn't fair you're trying to deal with the fallout - that completely sucks.

I hope you take care x

[Dimity]

Hello @Bipolar94 @Shaz51 

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you're feeling fearful and threatened because of your experiences at your last job on top of the anxiety around finding work again. When we're bipolar negative experiences so easily compound our lows. Checking in with your psychologist probably isn't such a bad idea if it's been more than the two months. Setting a goal or two each day can help - for me, trying to walk each day is one. And breathing through stressful moments takes a conscious effort sometimes but helps me.get through at the time. 

I have a lot of respect for people working in aged care, and feel very thankful for the kindness of the staff who cared for my late father. I hope you can find your way back to the profession if that's what you choose. 

It would be great if you'd like to share your experiences and coping strategies to the bipolar thread @Shaz51 tagged for you - mutual support helps us all.

Best wishes 

Dimity 

[Corny]

I would report them @Bipolar94 . They don't do it just once, they become emboldened with getting away with it for so long, so they do it to lots of people. 

They don't understand how workplace or education-setting harassment & stalking can be so triggering & other forms of violation because we tend to look so 'average' or 'normal'. I am a victim of child exploitation, it sounds so weird saying that, but it's true, not that you'd know by looking at me, and my health has nose dived at any tiny violation because of my past. The Cleo case has been very triggering so I turn it off and shut it out. 

If you need to take more time off, take more time off, you can get a medical certificate and other documents together. I only have a few male friends but I have never hung out with them without their wives being there, the other one is gay and like a little brother to me, we lived together for years and he would protect me, not harm me. Other than that, nup, can't have male friends, I feel bad for saying that, I have tried to befriend single men, but my PTSD is too severe.

Corny

[Bipolar94]

I have reported them! 

Police and the employer. Police said id need to get more of his details to be able to get an AVO. I would have continued that process but i already have fears of the police due to the mental health issues i had as a teen and police constantly turning up to speak to me or to take me wherever when i really feel like i hadnt done anything. Is it really a crime to want to be alone for a while? I still believe if my mum had given more time to sit and talk with me about what was going on instead of calling the police as a first option, things would have turned out better.

Employer just had him read some policies and that was it. Continued to allow him work on the same shifts as i was and instead offered me to change shifts even though i had been there far longer than him and was in a more senior role than him. I guess the next people i could report it to is fair work but not sure how that would go. I just want it out of my mind. If i could delete it all i would. Worst employer to work for, i truly feel sorry for the residents there and the families who have no idea what happens there. The harassment and stalking to me is just a tiny bit of what happened at that place. They protect dodgy staff who actuaply abuse residents, they dont pay properly, the often messed up payslips! They offered the lowest possible hourly rate for us, they didnt allow us to take breaks, they declined leave even if it was months in advance and not in a busy period, they gave no incentive to work there, no reward, no benefit. Biggest mistake of my life working there. And to think they are still running their business. I was often in contact with HR and management trying to address the issues but it was literally like they wanted to keep the issues there. 

And with having been emotional, sexually and financially abused in the past that hasnt yet been addressed, its been a massively triggering time for me.. i guess the next tick i need is to be physically abused! Seems like the only one im missing now!! 

Very sorry for what you had to go through though.

Im not sure how much more time off i can have though. Its been 2 months. Im on centrelink and really struggling financially. Theres no other support i could get from centrelink. Cant even get an advance payment because they say i owe them money when all ive ever done is be honest in my reports! Reporting more than i actually earnt to ensure i didnt get in trouble with them. Had sent off a rage complaint to them saying a whole heap of crap and they sent the police out to my place because they thought i was at risk of harming myself. So of course i lie to them. Bad relationship with police, massove anxiety when dealing with them, as if i was going to open up to someone i dont trust and say "yes i have had thoughts of self harm or have already self harmed". Community mental health got involved but i shut them out too because they were treating me like a dog. Centrelink have tried to call since and i just ignore them or hang up because they make me sick, trying to say i have lied about my circumstance.

This is a never ending loop and i hate it..

[Sphinxly]

Hi @Bipolar94, this whole experience at your workplace and making a report sounds so stressful. I can understand how it could be triggering for you. Fair Work sounds like something that could be helpful and worth considering. What type of support do you have at this time or what has helped you cope with it all? 

If you're ever feeling alone with it all and need an ear, I encourage you to contact our Help Centre via phone call (1800 187 263) or online chat (via sane.org) for support and counselling.

See you around,

Sphinxly.