Lived Experience Forum

[Eve7]

Hi @LJE 

It’s been lovely to hear from you today and I love your updates that come with such honesty, love and positivity.

Things are different now to what it was like for me and there were no groups like PANDA  offering the amazing support available to families now.

I have never really told my story to anyone until joining this forum.

My pregnancies were ok and I was also fine after giving birth the first time. I felt no concerns about having a second child within the acceptable 2 years as most of my friends were doing.

Please be aware that every woman has her own experience and what happened to me probably won’t happen to you.

I had post partum psychosis with depression which lasted for several years. At first I spent 5 months in hospital then had many admissions until my younger child was 9. At that time I decided to get well no matter what it took.

I have been functioning adult for the past 20 years but this year I’ve had some challenges but those are being addressed and I am currently in hospital.

I was fortunate to be blessed with an amazing husband who stuck by me until his passing a few years ago.

I really hope you can take the positives from my story and realise that yours probably will be quite different.

Onwards and upwards

Love “Auntie” Eve 💙🧡💙

[LJE]

Oh @Eve7 ; your story was simultaneously heartbreaking and inspiring. I'm sorry to hear you are back in hospital after such a long period of being so strong. The grit and determination it takes to rebuild your life from the ground up is something most people don't experience but the strongest people I know have all done it. You're in that group! I hope that you're getting the care and attention that you need ❤🙏

There is something to be said for incredible husbands... I, too, hit the husband jackpot but it took me until 32 to find him, 37 to marry him and 38 to make another human with him. I was so heartened to hear that you had that support through your struggles and very sorry to hear of his passing.

Is there somewhere I can read the post you did on the forum, telling your story? I'd love to read it if you're comfortable with me seeing it!

Thinking of you - stay strong, safe and well xoxoxo 😘❤

[LJE]

Oh @Eve7  ; your story was simultaneously heartbreaking and inspiring. I'm sorry to hear you are back in hospital after such a long period of being so strong. The grit and determination it takes to rebuild your life from the ground up is something most people don't experience but the strongest people I know have all done it. You're in that group! I hope that you're getting the care and attention that you need ❤🙏

There is something to be said for incredible husbands... I, too, hit the husband jackpot but it took me until 32 to find him, 37 to marry him and 38 to make another human with him. I was so heartened to hear that you had that support through your struggles and very sorry to hear of his passing.

Is there somewhere I can read the post you did on the forum, telling your story? I'd love to read it if you're comfortable with me seeing it!

Thinking of you - stay strong, safe and well xoxoxo 😘❤

[LJE]

Hi @Blep - thank you so much for sharing your story with me... we ended up signing a contract for our first home this evening so this has been my first chance to reply! I think. If I've written to you twice, I'm really sorry.  I think the baby is having a detrimental effect on my IQ currently 🥴

Can I read your full story post somehow, if you link.it to me? I'd love to read it. I'm also really sorry to hear of the horrors that you went through... why is it such a secret out there? Why aren't more women talking about it? I thought I'd go through my pregnancy in lovely, floaty outfits with a radiant glow and joy everywhere. It's the complete opposite! It's unbridled panic and anxiety and terror. Haha. But also not haha. You know what I mean! But I'd never even heard of perinatal depression and anxiety... I didn't even know that those happy pregnancy hormones would let that happen.  And I'm not a stupid person; I'm a researcher and a high achiever but for some reason the descriptions of pregnancy out there in the world are definitely not matching up to the reality and it sounds like you found the same thing?

And apart from the meds and guidance, what other things did you do to stay as calm as you could during it all? I'm always keen to know how other people have coped!!

Don't leave me in suspense though... did you have a boy or a girl? And how are you coping with motherhood? Can't wait to hear back... I've met so many incredible people on this forum. I feel very lucky!! ❤❤❤

[Blep]

Oh wow @LJE congratulations! Funnily enough I think my forgetfulness has gotten worse since after the pregnancy 

Here is a link to my introduction post that explains how I got to the forum. I will warn you now it is a very long read because it all started over 2 years. 

https://panda.saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/Yet-another-chapter-of-self-discovery-my-introduction/m-...

I feel it is such a shame that this side of pregnancy is not spoken about more. It isn't to scare you but at least to prepare you if it was to be your path. I never knew there was a thing called antenatel depression... What depression while your pregnant? What is that? I was so confused when I was told about it. Oh and movies! Such liars! When my husband and I went to the parenting classes we were shocked to find out that most of the pregnancy shoots you see in movies are all lies. Movie scene: Standing and talking to someone, Oh my water just broke and now there is a baby... lies 

When I get in a space of "crsis" I just kinda shut down and think "what can you do?" . Good things happen and bad things happen but I believe they all happen for a reason. It can be a life lesson, an epiphany or you may not realise it till years later but it happens for a reason. You will find your own rhythm and what will work for you. Just remember to think of the positives... your going to have a baby!

I had a little boy who is 5 and a half months old. He is amazing, silly, independent and loving. I was so worried about becoming a mum and not being able to do things right but there is no right or wrong, you just do you. Im currently finding everything though really hard. I hit a bad downward spiral which I am slowly getting out of. My GP upped my antidepressant med so I'm hoping that will lift me up.

So how far along are you now? Have you done some ultrasounds? I hope your having a smooth morning 

[LJE]

Hi @Blep ! I want to take the time to read and respond to this properly but I'm just feeling a bit knackered today after all the house stuff and adrenaline... I promise I'll read through and be in touch tomorrow. You take care until then! xx

[Blep]

No problem @LJE! You rest up. You will need to learn what your limits are now with having a baby. I actually was still working till 2 and a half weeks when I had my little man.

So rest up, get ready for a long read and I'll hear from you tomorrow

Blep 😸:tongue:

[Eve7]

My story is not on the forum. What I have told you is the most I have ever told anyone but I have mentioned it to my Psychiatrist today.

I live in a different state now and, apart from family, no one knows anything.

I tried to walk away from the person I was but I’m coming to terms with it now.

I’ll talk more but not tonight.

Take care @LJE 

💙🧡💙

[LJE]

Then thank you all the more for trusting me with that information, @Eve7 ; I'm sending you all the positivity I have ❤ Please take care and get some rest. We will talk if and when you are ready - no pressure or expectations here! xoxo

[Blep]

Hey @LJE. Just stopping by to see how you are going? Hope all is well and the new house is becoming a home. Hope your little girl is growing nice and strong!