Lived Experience Forum

[Mogwai32]

Hey everyone, I'm at a loss, I'm constantly angry, not any sort of regular hate, the kind that twists your gut and causes you to be sick, it's causing me to lose sleep often, or when I do sleep, wake up to a feeling of panic like I'd never felt, i feel like I'm losing my grip on who I am, and the more I feel that, the angrier I get at myself again, to the point I've caught myself out regularly thinking about ending things, just so this feeling goes away, sorry about the post I'm struggling to really describe anything at all right now 

[tyme]

Dear @Mogwai32 ,

Thank you for posting. I'm sorry this is what you are currently feeling. Is there a reason for your anger?

I just want to point out that anger is a very normal feeling. I myself had a very 'angry moment' today. I felt out of control and upset. I was so revved up that I worked myself up into a panic. The physical signs were there: the clenched teeth, the heated feeling, the tears of anger....

So what did I do?

I breathed through it. I let myself cry it out to get out the anger. I worked to analyse the anger so as to put a distance between the feeling and myself. 

I am calm now, but I'm upset with the things I said in my head. That is the next thing I need to work on.

But I want you to know I hear you @Mogwai32 - you are not alone.

[Mogwai32]

@tyme thank you, and I'm sorry you felt that too, I've been angry for a long time and have trouble even pinpointing it, usually I had vents and avenues to get it out, but they don't seem to work as of late, it scares me a little bit if I'm perfectly honest

[tyme]

Actually @Mogwai32 , my whole life I was brought up to think that anger was a 'bad' feeling and that I wasn't to feel or show it.

This thinking did a lot of damage to me. I would spend my time trying to get rid of this 'bad' feeling and the more I tried, the angrier I got that I couldn't get rid of it.

Through therapy, I've learnt to manage this anger and to know that anger is part of life. It is neither good or bad. It is simply a feeling. Where my anger posed a problem was actually the aggression that came with it. This aggression was seen both outward as well as turned inward to self harm.

Name the feeling is the start - and you've done this. Next, it is about what you'd like to ideal happen with this anger e.g. work through it? reduce the occurrences? work with violence/aggression?

There's so much to anger. What would you like to ideally see and feel? Are you able to release the valve at regular intervals so that there is less chance of a buildup of anger and then a possible explosion?

[Mogwai32]

@tyme  I just want it gone if that's ever possible, I too grew up being told it wasn't ok to be angry so I feel its going to be a conjunction of things, main issue is I'm struggling to even figure out how to deal with it at times

[tyme]

@Mogwai32 - I am curious,

How DO you currently deal with anger?

[Mogwai32]

It used to be as simple as a bike ride, playing some video games or going for a walk, those things aggravate me more these days

[tyme]

So it sounds like you do these things you have listed above when you feel angry @Mogwai32 - do you see these activities as harmful? Or is it that these activities no longer help with the anger?

For me, my anger used to turn into aggression and violence - that is NOT acceptable. However, if going for a bike ride works for you, why not?

Or are you working towards never feeling angry in the first place?

[Mogwai32]

@tyme  sorry struggling with descriptions, it's feeling as if they just no longer have the same effect anymore, I haven't let it turn to violence in almost 8 years, but that ever present worry of an explosion is there 

[tyme]

Makes sense @Mogwai32 about these strategies no longer having the same effect.

If anger is troubling you, do you have a therapist or someone to help you break this anger down so that you understand it a bit better?

I think understanding your anger is so important. e.g. what it happens, where it comes from, its purpose.

What do you think?