Lived Experience Forum

[TuxedoCat]

Going to bed sounds like it could be nice and cosy @BlueBay ❤️ 

Remember to reach out to your supports if you need to and try to do some grounding exercises like deep breathing. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Thank you for letting us know how today went @BlueBay . I’m glad the doctors are taking you seriously. 

They care, we care. You are going through a transition period in terms of your meds and moving houses. It’s a lot for anyone.

By the way, I never asked, why are you going off your meds? Were they not helping? (You don’t need to respond if you don’t want to). Sorry if I missed that memo.

[BlueBay]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

reg. my meds change - my psych and dr think that the ones i am on are not really working.  i did notice a change at the start but now after a year my mood has dropped.  they would like me to try a newer type, which my dr has mentioned to me a few times over the last 6 months.  they are expensive hence my decision to not try straight away.  But my amazing psych has managed to get a sample pack for me to try.  this way i don't have to pay for them and if i do get sensitive to them i won't lose any money.  as i am very sensitive to a lot of medication we will try this and see how i go.

but the problem is - i have to reduce my current dose to which i did last week but reacted badly so my psych wrote a script for an extra 10mg so i an now slowly coming off them.  but the scary part is that i will have to be a few days - a week without meds before i start the new ones.

and this is where i panic as every other time i have been in hospital and monitored closely to the changes. and it's hard at the moment because my psych is away until monday when i see her.  she may even decide then to admit me into hospital for this change.

i do have a great medical support team from my regular dr to this other dr who knows my issues as well.

hubby rang me this morning from work to check in on me and see how i am which i thought was really thoughtful.  i think he is a bit worried about me but i told him i am ok.

i am really sorry i missed the BPD chat on the forum last night, i really wanted to but after taking a med to calm me down i was really zonked out. probably what i needed.

i have already been for my morning walk at the beach it was beautiful this morning, a bit cold but the water was amazing.  Going now to hairdressers to colour and cut my hair  - always makes me feel better.

and my daughter, her partner and their kids are coming home today from the little vacation away.  i am hoping to see little A tomorrow to get some cuddles and chats and maybe a babychino.  oh i also have a cardiologist appt tomorrow just to check on my pericarditis and blood pressure.

anyway i better go, i am trying very hard to stay busy and not let the flashbacks get to me so much.  it is hard but i have to try. i am not going to let this creep control me by pushig me down all the time.  it's over, it happened and i am going to get better.

it's just sometimes when i do fall down and crash i need support.  

have a nice day @BPDSurvivor xxxx

hi @TuxedoCat @hanami @Shaz51 @oceangirl @Emelia8 @Eve7 and others i have forgotten xxxxooo

[TuxedoCat]

Good morning @BlueBay ❤️ 

This has been such a beautiful post to read this morning. To me, it sounds like you're still worried, but are trying to see all of the amazing support around you (including a thoughtful call from hubby, your support team and your daughter and little A). 

Sending MASSIVE hugs and a big smile to you over the internet ❤️ 

[BlueBay]

@TuxedoCat 

Thank you ♥️🙏

just had a sleep 

my mind and body is so tired 

[BlueBay]

hi everyone,

just had a call from my regular dr to see how i was going.  i told him i wanted to take extra calming meds and he said no. because he said i will become reliant on them and addicted.

he and the other dr spoke yesterday and decided it would be best if i changed my meds in a hospital enfvironment where i would be monitored and it could be done possibly quicker.

i am seeing my psych on monday so i will see what she says, she will say hospital i am sure.  but it depends if the psych that saw me in hospital is willing to take me on while i change my meds.

just called the hospital and they tell me it is about a month waiting.now i don't know what to do.  i can't keep waiting for another month. that will be too close to moving.  

i am now not thinking straight

@TuxedoCat @BPDSurvivor @hanami @Shaz51 @Snowie @Emelia8 @Eve7 

[tyme]

Hi @BlueBay ,

I'm happy to hear your treating team is following up. In terms of whether to be admitted, could you say 'yes', then if need be turn it down later? Im' just thinking that if you say no, you'll be waiting more than a month if you really need it.

With so much going on for you at the moment, I feel it may be helpful to have that option of an extra padding of support.

Thoughts?

[BlueBay]

hi @tyme 

it's not that simple with reg to hospital admission.

Because my pysch that i see fortnightly is not an admitting psych for the hospital.  But there are 3 other psych's that work in the same clinic that are admitting psychs.  And i had one of them in feb who was fantastic.  The problem is my psych is away until next Monday and she would need to speak to the hospital psych to ask if he will take me on and change my meds.  If he says yes, then they will put me on waiting list or maybe even make it urgent and i could go in earlier.  Because i am already cutting back on my meds so i would only be in hospital no longer than 2 weeks.  it would be a specific stay and nothing else.

I have just sent an email to my psych's rooms explaining the situation.  Hopefully someone will get back to me soon.

another stupid thing i did yesterday and today was while in my horrible state of mind - i was looking for jobs.  i told my dr before and he said 'stop it' it is a form of self harm.  and that i am doing this to make myself feel even worse.

think i need a walk this afternoon when hubby gets home.

[BlueBay]

i just received an email from my current psych who was angry with me writing to say i need to go to hospital.

i can't do this anymore.

she said i can't see the admitting psych at short notice, i cna't go into hospital as there is a waiting list and i am to take the calming meds which my dr doesn't want me to take.

i have stuffed up by writing the email. she is angry with me.

all i did was write an email to let them know what was happening and how the hospital told me the waiting list is long.

i didn't tell her i needed to go today.  everyone is angry with me.  i have stuffed up

why do i bother with meds.

[BlueBay]

right now i feel like stopping all my meds

what is the point

i tried to do the right thing and i get into trouble

i am so stupid