Lived Experience Forum

[petrichor]

Hi,

i feel so incredibly isolated, not like isolating at home because of covid etc and there are people around me and I socialise as I’ve been taught to do, but deep down I feel isolated, defeated and sad because I don’t understand the world and I cannot live as I am. I’m scared the isolation would just become worse if I lived as I am. I constantly have to pull myself back into this life and remind myself all is well. I’m just tired that if it. I don’t have the words.

[Historylover]

Hello @petrichor. I am so sorry to read of your unhappiness and hope there are much better days ahead.

I also feel isolated, but mine is actual isolation. I've learned to embrace it while I take the time to understand the world, and people, and the harm they so unconscionably do to others. I've learned to be resilient, to be self-reliant, and to develop my potential by study in matters which interest me: online courses, internet generally, and free non-fiction book loans from the library. I wouldn't have missed this opportunity to unravel my tangled life and set it right. Glass half full, so to speak. And I couldn't have endured the past several years without the support of the people on this forum, who have also given me greater insight into myself and others.

Sending best wishes. Take care.

[TuxedoCat]

Hey @petrichor 

I'm TuxedoCat, I'm a peer support worker and it's nice to e-meet you 😊. I'm so glad you've reached out for support here. I hope our special community can be a comfort today.

If you'd like to speak to someone here are some links

• The SANE Support Centre to chat with a counsellor on 1800 187 263
• Or the webchat for a peer worker if you don't feel up for a phone call today
• You could also call QLife for queer specific support on 1800 184 527

It sounds like things are particularly difficult today, and I'm sitting with you here through that ❤️ Pretending to be and do things which aren't  true to ourselves is hard. I struggled with my own gender identity for years and never felt like I fit it anywhere. It took just one special person to help me feel comfortable enough to start being myself 🏳️‍🌈. And I still have days where it's hard! For me, on those hard days, I put on a special piece of clothing that makes me feel my true self. Is there something you can do like that today? 

Sitting with you,

TuxedoCat

[Shasan]

Hi @petrichor 

I hear you and can relate to your description. I'm sorry you're feeling low today - has this been this way for a while? Or, did something happen that might have triggered a sudden gush of sadness? 

We're here for you and you're not alone in whatever you're experiencing.

When I feel depressed, it's very hard to pull myself out of it and none of the usual tools help. It can further feel isolating as I don't share with others coz I either don't have trust that it helps or changes anything. Luckily I have a couple people in my life who also faced depression and understand what it feels like and they're my go-to. It's difficult to be vulnerable and share what's going on but sharing reduces the burden slightly. 

If this resonates with you, you may like to try out, when you're ready. From my findings, the only thing that can truly help rise out of a blue feeling is taking action, however small it may be.. Because actions lead us to feeling like we've got this and slowly things come back on track.

Some ideas if you'd like to try. Sending you wishes and strength to navigate this not so pleasant times.

Gentle movement to lofi beats or any music with beats. Listen to meditation bells music in the background. Try and go for a walk and observe how's the weather, colours around. Often, asking ourselves what's the ONE thing, just one thing we're able to do in this moment to feel better is very very helpful. You can also try automatic journalling using feeling words to put all thoughts down on paper - this is proven to bring out the inner wisdom that can guide us. 

Take care. Your feelings are valid and you are a part of this world and nature, just as much as the next person or living being - You deserve a life that feels joyous and peaceful. 💕

[Snowie]

Hi @petrichor 

I can completely understand what you mean. There are times I feel isolated even when there are people around. There are times where I just want to retreat within myself and hide.

Please remember that we are here for you

[petrichor]

Hi @Historylover 

if I may ask, why are you in isolation?

im glad the forum helps you, it’s good to be connected. I haven’t had the concentration to read at the best times more than easy fiction in many years. I’m educated but I guess I have memory problems. They explain to me that my bucket is overflowing and I can’t take any more information. Sometimes it’s a little better, that’s when I read or watch a movie, something with very few characters and a straight forward story line. I like your glass half full analogy, I want my bucket to get a little emptier.

[petrichor]

Hi @TuxedoCat 

thank you for the welcome and contacts. I couldn’t work the chat. 

I’m glad you found a special person 🙂 what kind of clothes do you put on, when I read your post I put my pride socks on, easy to disguise and it’s just something for me.

[petrichor]

Thank you @Shasan 

even if it sounds dumb, I have various triggers every day. Some are current, like the war in the Ukraine, elections, royal commission into childhood abuse, disease… but they trigger old stuff and I get a bit lost and sometimes don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I ask my doctor when I speak to him because I believe he tells the truth. 

Trust is a big issue for me too. I don’t share much with others in real life because I always feel threatened, not because they’re scary or want to hurt me. It’s been a bit harder lately.

i went for a walk and listened to pink. It was hit in the sun but it was also windy so it was nice. 

what is automatic journaling please?

[petrichor]

Hi @Snowie  👋

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @petrichor ,

Through my MH, I’ve learnt to understand that loneliness is a state of mind.

Just as you mentioned, I also had people around me all the time, yet I felt lonely and isolated. I felt disconnected from society despite moving amongst them. I always thought something was ‘wrong’ with me because I was different and seemed to be delayed in many ways. In turn, it made me more and more withdrawn.

Fast forward many years later to today. I am alone. I live alone. My parents are in another state and we talk maybe a handful of times a year if lucky. I don’t go out with people. Yet, you know what? I don’t feel lonely or isolated whatsoever. I live such a fulfilled life that at the end of each day, I’m happy to be alone.

These forums have played a huge part in teaching me to connect with people during my recovery.

Take smalls steps @petrichor . It’ll happen.

BPDSurvivor