Lived Experience Forum

[Doglover]

Thanks so much @eth, for ur kind thoughts. Yes things r ridiculously tough here.

[eth]

Here if you want to talk @Doglover 

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7 

Thanks

Im glad someone gets that ruok. A lady said it & actually said well im saying it because its ruok day. I felt totally nothing from her. If she had used her instincts she would have seen i wasnt ok. She was just going thru the motions to make herself feel ok.

The married men thing has been at me for quite a few yrs now.

Just hurts that no descent guy has ever contacted me & introduced himself. 

People just presume im married cause im attractive.

I think theres possibly some nice ladies to get to know at aqua tho. Theyre warming to me.

In ways i dont care if they know ive got a mi. If they feel uncomfortable with that then theyll possibly just stay away from me but in time realise im very normal too when im not triggered & that i do have great people skills because of what ive been thru so theres nothing to b afraid of.

I did my cpr the other day & mentioned i suffer with a mi. She said i would never have guessed cause u hide it so well. I just responded good medication.

Its the natural therapies that get to me. So many think they can quickly fix mi. Its so dangerous. Ive gone off meds a few times cause of these people & boy do they run when they c it in full bloom. Then they say oh u need to do this on meds. Scared of what theyve caused.

Yes i have one hall so im now learning to advertise it. I thought about advertising to lollipop workers but its right when we work bummer. 

I only need one person to cover hall cost so ill b ok.

Hopefully tomorrow ill start to feel a bit less emotional.

Takes time after u get triggered to feel stable & safe again.

It was a huge trigger too. For me to b that hysterical on meds i can c why i need to b on meds hey.

Ill rest up tonight & watch a movie

[Former-Member]

@eth  too right i need all the help i can get. 

Just cause i look good doesnt mean im not struggling.

Its taken many yrs for me to crack in front of strangers & get help.

Before i would just withdraw then self harm.

It stems from my childhood cause there just wasnt anyone there caring at all.

Im seeing this clearly with the EMDR.

I just had to find ways to survive on my own from a very young age.

I just dont know how i survived really. Gosh i was in so much pain from a young age. Quite scary to look back at.

I mean i have a 16yr old boy not like i was at all. I roamed the streets a drug addict alcoholic at 16.

Hes sooooo normal. Doesnt even drink tea or coffee lol

[eth]

@Former-Member  I like to joke that because I was such a hippy (and all that goes with that) my  child had to rebel by being really conservative in many ways.

You sound like you're proud of him and who he is becoming says a lot about your parenting skills.

[Former-Member]

@eth i managed to write to the company & shared my situation. I felt i had nothing to lose hey.

Its a theatre companys hall.

I was hoping by working id build my confidence up to join in their shows but i let them know i cant see that happening any time soon.

I also let me know that singing kept me alive for many yrs.

I want them to wake up to what they did. They should never have told me they rented the hall for 5wks then make me wait then change their mind. I wanted them to know how it affected me.

Cause its the only way to stop it from happening to someone else.

They get arts grants to pay for the hall. It sits empty everyday.

What i was going to use it for was going to unite a lot of lonely 55+ women.

However theyve decided its all about them & their shows.

I go to all their shows & never meet anyone. I sit surrounded with people with their friends & family. 

[eth]

@Former-Member   try googling 'Meet Ups' - they are in lots of places these days.  You can find outings and activities with all sorts of interest groups.  Might be a good way to meet people.

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Thanks my son is so emotionally stable & happy in his own skin.

It amazes me. Recently i met with a guidance officer to discuss his subject choice.

Both the guidance officer & myself suggested 2 other options but a few wks later i brought it up again & asked him why he wanted to stick to his choice. Im afraid his answer won me lol so i said ok i wont bring it up again. 

Hes so down to earth & sure about his choices.

I think the world of him. So glad i had him

[Zoe7]

Having a MI does not define us @Former-Member It can be the reason we act in certain ways - especially to triggers but it is not the whole sum of us. Whether people know or don't know about that part of us is ultimately up to the individual. I choose not to disclose that to anyone as quite frankly it is none of their business and does not change my values or opinions of kind people being just that. Mi may change the way we see the world or how we live our lives but nice, kind, compassionate people will be that way whether they know we have a MI or not. ...and we certainly do not need a day for token compassion.

Do you use social media to meet people @Former-Member? Social media can be great for that but there is also the downside of unwanted attention or comments that are unkind. The best thing to do in those circumstances is ignore and block. They can only get to you if you let them and as I said before - those people have their own issues and we do not need to buy into it. I do also see how hurtful it can be and the toll it can take when it is constant though.

It would be great if you could form some connections with some of the ladies at aqua. 

I do understand how long it can take to calm back down after being triggered. It used to take me days for my anxiety to lessen and meds have had a lot to do with how much progress I have made. That sense of worthlessness is a harder one to manage though. There are so many factors that make us feel that way so I am very much hoping once you get this business up and running you will find a little more positivity in your life. It is often those little things that matter the most and following a dream and seeing it come to fruition would be a major win for you.

[Former-Member]

@eth the aqua class invited me to their lunch next wk so thats nice.

To b honest with doing 3aqua classes now to learn from & once i start studying i dont think ill have the free time.

Not sure how much is involved in this course so want to pace myself hey. Good idea tho ill keep it in mind

Once ive finished this course id like to learn ballroom dancing as its only $15 a wk.

Thats pretty social too.

I just expected the musical theatre to b more friendly but its not