Hello @HenryX ,

I was a little bit surprised but the length of that message, took me a little bit more time to respond to it.

I do have friends' support. I have three close friends back in France who help me a lot with everything as well as my sister and Mom. The only thing is they start to be very scared for my own health now and think it will be better for me and her If we don't leave together..

Not seeking a professional assistance at this point would have been a huge mistake. The process is quite slow as the psychiatrist doesn't have much availability and her current psychologist has to go to Melbourne this week and can't maintain her regular appointment with my friend, which makes me anxious. 

To go back on the support, I do have friends where I can relieve my concerns, but they don't understand fully the whole situation, they don't understand how it is to leave with a friend that has depression. Most of them think "it's too much her reaction".

I'm doubting myself all the time, even before I met her, after, and now in this situation, I feel worst. I feel like I'm not a good friend If I think that I would be better separately, I feel like worst thinking that I reached my point of supporting her. 

Her fear of being alone is out of control, and because I'm the only one here for her, she really attached to me and doesn't understand why she has to meet new people if she has me. She doesn't understand why I need to see other people because I have her. It's just mean for her, that I prefer to spend time with my other friends than with her because they are better. And she actually told me that she doesn't want to get better because if she starts to be independent without me, I wouldn't want to see her anymore, like because she doesn't need my help anymore so what's the point to stay with her? It makes me really sad that she thinks that way and that unconsciously, she would prefer to stay in her depression, knowing that it drains me and make me feel like a mess...

I would like to thank you for your messages since the beginning, it looks like nothing, only messages on a forum, but it means a lot to me to see someone follow up with my situation and try to make me see things that I couldn't see, or help me put words on what I'm feeling.

Once again, thank you.

Hope you'll have a great afternoon and a very good week.

Lili.