I understand that @utopia

My father was proud of me and my academic achievements - and encouraged me to join the Army Reserve - which I did

Yet when he needed me to leave school because he had two more kids to educate he said "You will just get married and have babies anyway"

Which was so frustrating - but I was just as stubborn as him and went to do an accounting diploma where I meant the man he tried to discourage from marrying which makes me question fate a bit - I have a wonderful daughter from that marriage

But yeah - I was conflicted for a long time until I realised I had done my own thing - regardless of the truth I never did get to studying medicine which I could have - 

But still - our parents make mistakes and we had other ideas - and I seem to remember your Dad was at Vietnam and had a hard time and gave you a hard time when he returned - so conflict - a lot of it - and confusing for you to have one parent saying you could do anything you chose and the other one belittling you

It was my mother that did the belittling though - as life went on as it tends to do I saw my mother as a "soul-injured" person - I did a lot of research into her life after she died and learned a lot and she was definitely a fearful, co-dependent person who had to be right all the time even when she was obviously wrong

Anway - before he died Dad told me I had been his best academic bet - he was sorry he had made me leave high school but acknowledged I had made a success of my life regardless and I agree - I did

I don't like showing my vulnerable side either - and being tough doesn't always work - but we learn to be what we become

I am really sorry your father gave you such a hard time - that was a rough spin of the dice 

Dec