Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

Sounds like you have a plan @Bmia11 - even if it is just short term, I hope it helps you get some respite from your Mum ❤️

[tyme]

How are you today @Bmia11 ?

When things get tough, it's good to be able to reach out to others who can perhaps understand. 

Feel free to share and update us with what's happening. 

The forums are a good place to share and let go of some of what may be venting up inside.

I'm here if you need a chat.

[Bmia11]

Hi @tyme 

Thanks for checking in 💜 It was hard today. Was home, just in my room. Wanting to do things but was quite unmotivated. I feel lonely often and today it was overwhelming, so it was hard. I appreciate you thinking about me. 

I don't know if any of you feel so lonely your heart physically aches... it's tough, but I have to believe it won't be like this forever. 

Looking at the reality of my life right now, it's really hard. And it's not just with my mum... my friends, even the ones I've known for a long time, don't give me the support that you guys, strangers in a forum, have given me. And that makes me so sad. Its something I've been grieving for a while. 

I'm grieving that I don't share my life with anyone really. I know that that's on me to work on and work through... I'm hyper independent. It's the hardest, wanting to be known and loved, but also being afraid of it at the same time. 

Does any of this resonate with anyone? 

[Appleblossom]

@Bmia11 It really makes sense that you would be feeling a form of grief.  Realising that your mother cannot be what you want or need, and letting go of trying to change her.  You wrote that you had to learn to accept her as she is, but it is still hard. Your respect for her is important and kudos to you.  With grief, it is often necessary to feel through it all, with the low mood, hard as that is.  Another day, when you are ready, go for a small hike (glad that you love them.. lol).  Build your sense of separateness slowly.  Doing the griefwork, at least you will be clear about your choices.

In my mother's last year she was in palliative, and I know I did the right thing by her and visited her regularly and did music with her. It was mostly her way, but she had her own trauma which I always knew. That is all one can do, manage one's own side of the relationship, with has much respect both ways as one can muster.

There is often a great culture in hiking with people being friendly and smiling and saying hello. I found that lifted my mood when I was younger. Also being out in nature.  Hope you find some great spots.  It is great you are independent.  Build on all that resilience.  

Cooee 

Apple

[tyme]

I certainly resonate with you @Bmia11 . I lived a painfully isolated life in the past. For years there were people around me but I was so lonely that my heart would break. The isolation was a killer.

Without those experiences, I very much doubt I would even be on a forum like this. I grew up in a very conservative house and we never spoke about mental health. I suffered. And I suffered in silence. 

By using these forums, I found that people understood me. It gave me confidence to reach out. It gave me confidence to tell my story. Others around me didn't understand, but when I had the chance to write it, I was able to express myself so much better.

I really believe I had severe mental health issues for a reason. I've learnt to embrace it and my heart is to support others through my lived experience. It hasn't been an easy road, but it's been worth it.

Counting down.... only 2 days before I see my parents. But at least I have these forums to keep me alive a kicking!

Just hold on @Bmia11 . It's hard now, but you are not doing it alone.