Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

Hi all, how was Ur start to the week? I hope @TAB @maddison @Appleblossom all is ok.

I think the blaming me is the hard part. It isn't  a fair interaction if all is my fault, always. They are so cruel and fault finding, have never said a kind word or compliment my whole life, it seems their attitude was to stop me ever getting comfortable or secure

Internally the message I got was : I don't deserve. Whatever it is, I don't deserve.

They are abusive in a lot of ways, use threats and put downs to get my attention, manipulative. I could never be enough. I just knew, looking at their recent mess, if I even set foot in their house once in the last year they'd decide it was my fault and I was rhe messy one. 

I think that is a fair question re Ur nephew and niece...and whatever u decide, from Ur power and self respect, is ok. Not sure if u relate @Appleblossom but I have a lot of guilt around family stuff. Society seems to prescribe we relate to relatives in a certain way.

My psych responded, and gave advice for me re my medications. I'm going off him at the moment, very up and down.

Hate how he looks at his fancy smart watch 3 times per session. To respond to messages or check the time. Really not professional.

I am hoping I get better sleep with new med changes.

How is the Dry @Appleblossom ? Any good new shows @maddison ?

I am watching RUN, it is so stupid, I just want to finish it. 

I'm wandering if use seen shrill on sbs? Enjoyed that one.

How was back to work, @TAB are u ok?

Sending a star and a moon to all x ✨ ❤ 

[TAB]

Got through day 1 of week 2 @EternalFlower ok 2 day week last week. Im surprised at my negativity talking to others plus stressing on drive to work. It will get better. Knee holding up so far lol Sorry not been following other goings on so can't comment. Listen to Apple @Appleblossom

[Appleblossom]

I think its amazing you are back in workforce @TAB Its not easy getting jobs our age.

Oh @EternalFlower  there are lots of things I can relate to, and probably lots I cannot. 

Different generations is only the beginning of our differences.  I shared about my family to try to put the hoarding, in some perspective, and I really do believe that sharing with decency and respect can be greatly healing.  You are coming from the child within the family which is different to our situation. Also you have put space between yourself and family.  I have seen some crap parenting in my day, so I never judge, from only my perspective as a parent, or even what I experienced as a child. 

I really believe some of the healing power of sharing and group communities is that different people can relate or resonate with different aspects of a person's story.  It is great seeing you mix with TAB and @tyme and reading @maddison 's post was very heart wrenching, because I was reading the forum at the time she posted about the incident and the treatment she got by the "workers".  I was glad to see you reaching out more in a supportive role, and then to read about the effect your support had, was HUGE for me. It was a really tough situation.

Group and community is more like real life than clinical settings of strict one to one interactions, and I tend to like that.  Am happy to back off, as you find more people with your age and interests.

Ready to put my feet up and finish The Dry episodes.

Here is a book I read a while ago, set in Australia.  I liked the movie too. 

I think I may be "in recovery" as things are rolling along alright for me.

Cheers and tag me if you need me.

 

[TAB]

Job is only temporary plus need the money. Im really not up to it , it's physically a struggle as not worked in 7mths plus not fit. Just trying to manage things as best I can. See how far into 4weeks plus 12 days I can go. Day 4 tomorrow., weekend break in 4 days time  @Appleblossom 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @TAB just want to say I relate.

It is so hard and traumatic to go back to work. No reassuring words here, sadly, but standing with u through it. Transitions suck. 

Work is very demanding and can be a shock to the system in many ways.

Hope ur doing OK.

[TAB]

Its alright @EternalFlower posted a few things in Tabalugas and morning thread Just trying to play it by ear

[maddison]

Hey @Appleblossom @EternalFlower @TAB @tyme 

A quick hello & check in. Hope you are all doing well. @TAB I'm sending you thoughts of vitality to get through this work period!! I agree, what you are doing is tough. I'm proud. 💜

I can't write too much. Migraine looming. Ice pack is helping.

@Appleblossom you said so many beautiful things, as I was reading over posts. I can't list them all... And you know I don't know how to quote haha. It's really lovely to read your perspective. I think the thing that stood out to me most, was when you mentioned self care & reawakening your ability to laugh. Life can be so unexpectedly complex. It makes me feel calm to know you are truly finding you again! Not being so immersed in the gloom & being able to laugh at tv shows & focusing on own needs is great message for all of us!

[maddison]

Thank you for my ⭐🌛 @EternalFlower !

[TAB]

Thanks @maddison

[maddison]

Hey @TAB weird, I was literally thinking of you (well the you I know thru my phone screen)

I noticed you mentioned feeling negative. Good insight btw. I have had jobs where all I felt like doing is bawling my eyes out when I got home...& then again the next morning, before going. 

Sounds like maybe this job isn't suitable to you. Like you said, you need the money & it's only 5 weeks. Work def takes it toll physically & emotionally. Don't undersell yourself. It's more work than I have done in the last many years. Although, my role as a carer is harder & more complex than any job I ever did - & no holidays! It's way more fulfilling tho.

Do what you can. That's all anyone can ever ask of us. Wanted to share that your not alone, if feeling crappy about stuff. -  I get stressed after driving for 15 mins. xx