Hey @EternalFlower your appreciation is happily accepted! It's kind of you to mention things like that. Not everyone does! It's ok. I generally try not to expect gratitude. It's still a lovely thing when expressed..It puts more petrol in the tank! So yeh, thanks heaps for saying thanks. You have helped me out in the past too, more than you know. I was having a bad night months ago, after being dismissed by medical team when my housemate was unwell. You told me, "my words are important'. It made a big difference.
It wasn't only that one night that I felt unheard, & helpless.... It was all the months, years... Times in the past where I knew he needed professional help & I couldn't get anyone to listen.
Maybe if I hadn't vented on SANE that night - & then read the messages of support from (almost) total strangers, then I would have felt so much more defeated. It didn't solve the problem. Some problems, are, in a way 'unsolvable.' It helped me to know, that I was 'right' (& alright)- rather than falling for the "suggestion that I was overreacting' (by those with more authority than me) likely implied as a means to distract from inept funding & services.
I guess, it could be described as a form of 'victim blaming.' I think that is the wrong phrase - sometimes when people advocate, or become assertive, there seems to be this unfortunate, subtle response by authorities to project that I am diminutive, or "downplay" situations, or concerns. It might even be an ego thing?
If I didn't have yours & others support, I would have accepted it. I would have told myself, that they are professionals & know best. I can be quite trusting & naive esp. with people in respected positions i.e healthcare. (I don't want to change that about me, however it can have it's downsides) I would have convinced myself that 'my words were not important.'
You have helped me heaps in other ways too! It's just nice to know, that there is another person in this world who I can write to, seems to get me, & I think we share some similarities. My life is super lonely as well. It's not about finding people - it's about finding the right people. That can be really hard!
I know exactly what you are describing about trying to write when feeling wobbly. It takes me so long to get a simple sentence out. You did really well! Don't forget to call any of the crisis numbers, if you feel like talking to someone. Or maybe you can try your ice cold water exercise, if you feel like you need it? I might check in later tonight, if not - very likely tomorrow.
Hopefully, that wasn't all too intense. I am worrier! I can't help it! I'm like a naturally, overprotective nurturer. It can be annoying..haha..
..Or, maybe it is that I'm a Warrior?..hmm..
Hope you are ok tonight & feel lots better very soon xx
Calm & joy
