C-PTSD and Childhood Trauma

[Jynx]

@MJG017 I think perhaps there's still not a lot of folks who understand just how much of our attachment system gets formed in the first year of life. For children who are adopted out within that period, there is a significant disruption to that development. I think being told "you were a baby, so it shouldn't affect you" would feel like a gut punch, especially if you weren't necessarily aware of this at the time. 

@tyme you totally touched on something I was also reading about in this book I'm reading (would highly recommend it, it's very well written - but fair warning it also hits hard!! Linky), the fact that children simply do not know that they're living in a traumatising environment. They don't have any experience of any other kind of relationship, nor do they have the language to be able to describe their experiences. And then comes the ordeal of growing up and having to figure it out on our own... 

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. We hear you. We see you. We all got each other 💜💜

@Snowie @Shaz51 @Captain24 @Dimity @JAT @Patches59 @avant-garde @The-red-centaur @hotmess @Healandlove 

[Dimity]

Thanks @Jynx for words I didn't have...

"children simply do not know that they're living in a traumatising environment. They don't have any experience of any other kind of relationship, nor do they have the language to be able to describe their experiences. And then comes the ordeal of growing up and having to figure it out on our own... "

[Shaz51]

@Jynx yes, it is interesting how your childhood upsets carry into adulthood and how it raises its awful head when you least expect it and how it has really affected me 

@MJG017 , my cousin was adopted by his aunty (my aunty) so you can imagine his upbringing and to find out his aunty was his mum 

[Jynx]

@Dimity 💜🫂

@Shaz51 woah that's wild! It's interesting how we spend so much time trying to protect children from the world, when we ought to be teaching them how to live in it... 🤔 

[Patches59]

@Jynx @tyme @Dimity @Shaz51 @MJG017 

children not knowing how to describe their experiences.

so true and age can be irrespective.

In my early teens I knew things were no longer like they used to be but having the capacity, even at that age, to understand and describe what was happening …. I only knew things had changed and not for the positive.

then there’s the teasing and bullying from other children regarding the circumstances.  Words said by children who, themselves, don’t have the capacity to understand the complexity of events and the added negative impact of their words.

mid teens I was referred to by fellow students and others in the neighbourhood as “kid of the crazy lunatic man”

[tyme]

That's so so hard @Patches59 .

Then again, who is teaching this language to our children? That is, what role models do the children have in that they say such cruel things sometimes?

When you hear some of the behaviour of youth nowadays, and how they treat females, it's disheartening to know this is the next generation... no little respect for themselves and each other. It's all over the news.

I guess we can only support them and so what we can to embrace diversity.

[dehaha]

Hi everyone.  I know everyone's trauma is their own, but it astounds me that a varied mixture of childhood traumas all have the ability to totally change a person's neuro pathways. 

Once adults it greatly affects almost every aspect of our lives. 

It affects out relationships,  our ability to process normal amounts of stress, our feelings of safety and security as well as totally destroying any idea of self worth. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD 26 years ago and it was never treated. I was only ever given meds for my depression ( which do help about 50% of the time ). The only other treatment I have ever been given was Cbt following my first mental health hospitalisation in my 30s.

As a result of my mental health never really being treated,  the last 2 years have been horrendous.  When my youngest child left home, and I became less responsible for ensuring my own children's good health , my own has finally found the space in my head to have an epic tantrum that progressively got worse.

So I  now find myself as a 52 year old widow, with a great paying job and the opportunity to do whatever I want with my life,  struggling to decide if I  even want to be here.

It has taken until this year to actually start having the opportunity to start dealing with my childhood and adult traumas. I have been having clinical Psychologist appointments weekly ( Aswell as increased and added meds )

After trying a few different things last year with my gp, that weren't helping,  my gp decided that I need intensive talk therapy.  I do like my Psychologist and  am happy with my appointments,  but the crash of all the trauma means that we are still working on skills to allow me to live instead of just existing  ( such as working on my recent onset of agoraphobia or trying to help me be able to actually answer my phone etc ). We haven't even come close to actually starting to sort through my CPTSD. 

Am I  every going to  be a functional adult ever again.  I feel like CPTSD has stolen the part of my life when i should finally be able to be a little selfish and do somethings just for me without always just being a mum.

Sorry for the rant but this is my current CPTSD experience. 

Sending hugs and support to everyone who deals with this evil beast that has taken up residence in our brains.  

[Patches59]

Hi @dehaha   Nothing to be sorry for.  Chatting and sharing life experiences I find helps, even if only a little bit.  Putting words down and sharing with others who understand can help release, or take the edge off, some of the raw emotions we struggle with.

fully agree with you, even though each person past and trauma has been different, the impact and ‘damage’ done to our brain is all the same or very similar.

different things you said resonated with me.  I was diagnosed with CPTSD when I was 60, 50 years after first trauma.  No treatment during that entire time and placed on meds first time last year.  I’ve been a carer, a wife, a step mum, a full time employee, a pet parent.  I’ve never been just me.  Now retired I’m trying to work out who I am including if I’m meant to still be on this planet.

sending hugs.  Please know you are amidst people who know and understand what it’s like to fight this beast in our heads. 💜💜

[Dimity]

@Patches59 @dehaha it's taken over 60 years for me to start dealing with c-ptsd too. I've not been formally diagnosed but i understand 2 of my sisters were. I'm presuming my second-last psychologist accepted my trauma history as she started EMDR although we didn't map it all out beforehand. We didn't complete it in the time frame allowed by the  health service. I didn't get past first base with the next psychologist who claimed to be trauma-informed but was judgemental and said some untrue and hurtful things. I'm currently debating whether to persevere with trying to find healing or resign myself to misery and regret... it does console me to read your stories and know that others are also trying to work through their pain. There's strength in sharing.

[Healandlove]

@Dimity @Patches59 @dehaha 

Thank you for sharing your experiences. 

I see this with my husband every day.

I hope you all can find the healing that you need.

Life is really worth living. Please hang on.

We were put here for a reason. I am hanging on too.

Sending you all the biggest hugs 🫂 and love.

Thank you for being here for me too.