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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes @MissinTooth I think I started to respond to that discussion but couldn't because it was already deleted by the time I finished typing 😂

I spent decades not saying anything, and I found it difficult to post things because I worried that I was just talking about silly stuff, or no one will be interested etc. But people respond to posts so I'm probably not doing it completely wrong.

I can't seem to do a Trigger Warning (Spoiler Alert) on my phone, but can on a lap top 

 

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks for sharing @Till23 . I have similar experiences. 

 

Also @MissinTooth , for me, I found that the skills I developed on the forums were transferable to the real world so that I was better at sharing my needs with others.

 

Even now, I have to say I'm better at expressing myself in writing than speaking. I'm not a very good speaker at all.

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 thanks for the tip! I might jump on my laptop tonight after work and have a look, see if I can figure out the trigger warning and how to actually do one. 

 

@tyme @Till23 most of the time, I don't know what I need, let along how to ask for it. It's a skill I have to learn because for example with my studies, there are supports there but I don' know what I need or want and so...don't ask. And if you don't ask, you don't get them. 

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm having a hard time posting at the moment. I post a reply that even hints at what's going on for me and how I feel and then I remove it because...my head is telling me that "I'm just doing it for attention." It's what my Mum would often say to me when I was ill, having night terrors, or she didn't understand what was going on for me. I would like this to be a space where I can be honest about how I'm feeling but I'm getting in my own way. 

 

I would love some advice...

 

@tyme I'm sorry, I know you're away but I don't know who to talk to...

 

@Till23 you and I seem to have similar thoughts patterns? 

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@MissinTooth Funny how demonised the phrase 'doing it for attention' has become in our society. If you need attention, that tells me your need for social connection isn't being met! No shame in that! 

 

And social connection isn't just chatting, it does include feeling seen, heard, and accepted when we express our vulnerability. So when you've done this and got told you're just doing it for attention, it insinuates that your feelings aren't real and that you're just trying to manipulate people. But hun... you are human... you deserve attention and you are allowed to seek it. 

 

Cos that experience was so ingrained from a young age, even if logically you know that the forums community wouldn't tell you that your feelings don't matter, your body may be throwing you like a million warning signs every time you go to hit post. 

 

Maybe you could try to share something really small, or just one or two lines first? Or maybe post, but then with the knowledge that you'll take it down again after an hour if you feel too unsteady. What do you think? 

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I just want a place where I don't have to have it all together all the time, where I can be honest about how I'm feeling, where I don't have to be anything but myself...

 

It's hard when...when, I just need someone to hear that I'm not in a good space today...but freak out and delete the post or I withdraw. 

 

Maybe I could post, knowing that I can take it down if I feel weird about it...maybe it's okay to do that. 

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@MissinTooth absolutely, take it super slow and like, by all means feel free to ask us to take a post down for you. Say for instance it's too intense to revisit or you're too overwhelmed to open forums - we just need a link or an idea of what you want removed and we can take it down lickety split. Or edited or if you want us to lock a thread for example, also an option where it can remain in public view but no one would be able to comment on it. 

 

Maybe that can help you build up some confidence to be more vulnerable! 

 

Cos yeah, what you're describing sounds like the exhaustion of masking to me. You definitely deserve a space where you can just be 💜

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx for replying. This helps.

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @MissinTooth 

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling and having a hard time posting at the moment, but please know that we are hear to listen, without judgement and I encourage you to continue to share, even if its just a sentence or two. 

 

I can relate to what you said about that internal parental voice, I hear it too. When it's  playing in the back of my mind and clouding my thinking, I try to do some reality checking, be compassionate with myself and challenge them, as I know they are not helpful to me or my situation.  

I try to move forward and make my own decisions, even if that programmed parental voice is telling me I can't or shouldn't, or tries to make me feel ashamed for simply trying. 

 

This inner child work of challenging those thoughts and reparenting the parts of us that felt unheard or unsafe, takes time. Please be gentle with yourself and that little girl inside who deserved so much more kindness and care. 

You are not alone, and I hope you continue to feel supported here.

Kindly 

Alisse

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Alisse @Jynx My week has been hard and confusing and all over the place and I am super exhausted. 

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