Acceptance is hard work

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow financial stress is tough. I've been there and still step into that every now and then. So I hear ya!

I like that idea @AuntGlow having a list of things I can turn to when I need to. Something that I don't have to think about because overwhelm is a thing at the moment. My counsellor has told me not to focus on using strategies to help me at the moment, but has given me a list of small, gentle things to try...with no pressure. Things like...sitting outside with a cup of tea, or coffee, or hot Milo. 

If I have a similar list of things to do that I can reach for when in that state and not feeling safe. It needs to include things to do of a night as well, because that's when I'm feeling the most unsafe, when the urges and thoughts hit strongest. 

I dug my Switch out of the box it was in and charged it over the weekend. So, it's good to go. 

The things I have on my safety plan include...

* Take Luna for a walk

* Colour In

* Draw a picture

* Play lawn bowls

And I can add...play my Switch...I need to take Lawn Bowls off because it's not practical for something quick and easy to reach for...and not something that can happen of a night. 

I also need to fill out...the people I can talk to section...

I only have my friend (she's leaving for Scotland in a couple of weeks)

And the SANE forums. 

[MissinTooth]

@Jynx Can I share something with you? 

[Jynx]

Go for it @MissinTooth 

[MissinTooth]

@Jynx I think I came out to my first person this week...

A work colleague. She sent me a social media friend request and I noticed that she had a female partner...

For some reason, I felt brave and struck up a conversation with her. I asked her about how she felt being part of the Catholic School system and having a female partner and whether she felt...I don't know, like she was judged. She briefly talked me through her journey and how it isn't easy and how she came out to her family and at work. 

And I might have tried to explain that I was asking, because I was trying to figure out my own sexuality. It was like I felt I had to justify why I was asking such personal questions. 

[Jynx]

Oh wow @MissinTooth bit of an accident but hey, it's a step! How are you feeling about it?

Did they respond well, and do you feel safe with this person knowing? 

[MissinTooth]

@Jynx they responded well and it felt like a relief at the time. 

I just...part of me is sick and tired of hiding, masking and pretending from everyone. But it's also makes me feel really really vulnerable to allow people close enough to see me and to know me. 

[Jynx]

@MissinTooth aye that's such a mood. That's kinda what happened for me - I got to a point where the pretending was more painful than the vulnerability. 

Fun lil thing I noticed that may be relevant - the more I pretended the worse it got. The more I am vulnerable the easier it gets. It's still not easy, just way easier, and like... I still get that fragile feeling, but the anxiety that used to accompany it is waaaaaay less nowadays. 

One step at a time eh? Are you and your colleague still chatting/connecting? 

[MissinTooth]

@Jynx thank you for sharing that. Knowing that it gets easier over time kinda helps. 

We only chat at work. She sits at the desk next to mine. We chat at work, but don't really connect outside of it. 

[Jynx]

@MissinTooth you're welcome! 

Hey I think if she's added you on socials, that means she wants to be friends 😊 

TY for sharing this with me hun!! I hope it turns out to be a lovely lil social connection for you! 

I'm off for tonight!! Thank you for your trust and openness hun! Chat next time 💜

[AuntGlow]

@MissinTooth I am glad I am not alone in this. 💛

YES! That is exactly it. Small soothing activities that help you to slowly regulate. I think all of those things can be on your safety plan in the 'Things I can do to regulate' section. How does that sit with you? I really like what you have so far, but those smaller things like tea and sitting outside will be a great addition: 

* Taking Luna for a walk

* Going to the beach or to the rainforest

* Having a hot drink. 

* Connecting to my senses is grounding

* Drawing is a distraction

* Colouring is a distraction

* Listening to an audio book is a distraction

* Play lawn bowls

* Switch

*Connecting with Sane Community 

Can you have a think about what other little things you can add? I will check-in to see what you have come up with tomorrow. 🥰

We can absolutely increase the people you can connect with part of your plan too! Firstly, how is the recovery program/online group feeling for you?