Acceptance is hard work

[Ru-bee]

Sounds like its been a tough day after a tough week @MissinTooth! 

Good on you for talking about the hard things. Its natural to feel pretty heightened after having a tough session, and it sounds like on top of everything else this has been a bit overwhelming. It can be disconcerting to be in that numb space, maybe those feelings will come when you have the space to feel them 

I'm glad you're reaching out and staying connected here, I hope that can help tonight and wrapping yourself in a nice weighted blanket sounds very comforting!

[tyme]

Nice! @MissinTooth The weighted blanket sounds so lovely. I have 2. Unfortunately, they don't keep me warm! I wish they kept me warm too. One of mine is 8kgs, and the other blanket is 12kgs... believe it or not, sometimes I put both on my at once!

I hope things go okay in terms of your physical health. Sounds like a lot is going on. I go for a blood test every year, just to make sure everything is in control. I usually have very low iron. But I can see that high iron is also a concern.

[MissinTooth]

@tyme I hadn't been to the doctor in 8 years, so...this is me making an attempt to take a little bit better care of my physical health. 

I ordered a 7.5 kilogram blanket, they sent me a 5 kilogram one...so a little disappointed but it's a small problem and I don't have the fight to fight that battle. 

[MissinTooth]

@Ru-bee that numb, disconnected space is horrible. But I understand it a bit better now. I understand why. 

I hope reaching out here and staying connected can help tonight too. 

[tyme]

You should tell them! @MissinTooth . Then get the blanket you paid for!

But just so you know, even with the 20 kgs on me, I don't feel it until it's time to move or make the bed - then it's a workout!

So the 5 or 7.5kg probably won't feel that different when it's on you.

On the other hand, if you still want the 7.5kg, I hope you find a way to ask them for it!

[AuntGlow]

Hello @MissinTooth, how has the weekend been for you so far? And how are you feeling today? 🥰

[MissinTooth]

Hi, @AuntGlow I hope you've had a good weekend?

How honest do I be here...

Hmmm...So, I hit a bit of a spiral on Thursday and I've only been popping my head in here every now and then. 

I've not been sleeping well, waking up in the middle of the night feeling unsafe and yesterday I couldn't regulate my anxiety. Last night, I was so close to maybe going to emergency because my heart was racing and it scared me a little and I couldn't slow it down. I convinced myself to go to bed instead and to stop being so dramatic...I eventually fell asleep. I've been awake since 4 though this morning. 

So far today, I'm doing a bit better with my anxiety. I feel heavy, a bit exhausted and sore, had waves of anxiety, but I'm not as bad as yesterday. I feel pretty vulnerable though.

[AuntGlow]

My weekend has been okay, feeling very tired lately. But I suspect this might be because I need more moments of slow, alongside consistent nourishment/movement. Thank you for asking! @MissinTooth 

Your honesty is always welcome here and I appreciate you sharing so openly. The spiral sounds really overwhelming... I am sure lack of sleep is making things feel even more intense for you too. 

Gosh, heart stuff is always so scary, isn't it? How is it feeling today? (I have had this experience too btw!)

I am glad you're feeling a little better now. Do you know what has been helping?

Oh, and have you had any space to think about your safety plan? 💛

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow it sounds like you've been busy. I remember you saying you worked most of your weekend last weekend, so it could be a reminder to make sure you're taking some time for yourself too. 

I can work out whether my anxiety sets it off, or if it sets my anxiety off. But, I've had it happen twice now and both times...I haven't been in a great place with my mental health. It's feeling....less hectic than yesterday. It's not as strong. I've had moments of anxiety where It's set my heart racing but...I've managed to bring it back down to a calmer point. 

What's been helping? I've tried to allow myself to have a slower day today. Maybe that's made a difference? And I gave myself a bit of space...

My safety plan, I haven't really gotten back to that but I need to...

[AuntGlow]

Ah yes, good memory @MissinTooth. I am trying to get on top of financial things, but it certainly takes time, and me time is also important - thank you for the reminder. 🥰

I think it's one of those things where they feed into each other, which can be so tough, because you often need one to ease up for the other one to feel more manageable. I think in this case, checking in with what you need in the moment is always so helpful. For example, slowing down, moving your body, journaling, distraction, food or water. This is where the safety plan can help, because you will have a list of things you can pick from without having to think too much when you're dysregulated (because that can be tough!). 

Have you played any of your games yet? 👀