Acceptance is hard work

[tyme]

Nah lol @NightFury . She's annoying. I hate her in my bed. She's in my bed now.. she's not supposed to be with me tonight because it's a school night. She's listening to Morris Gleitzman's After. She loves reading about the Holocaust.

[NightFury]

@tyme Morris Gleitzman's After is such a huge book, it's a tragic series that really hits hard. I've used it with High School kids to connect them to what happened and what people had to endure during the Holocaust. She sounds like she loves history and has a very big heart. 

[tyme]

Yeah, she's always loved history. She read "A night divided" when she was 8 years old. That was about the Berlin wall. @NightFury 

She's read all the holocaust books she can get her hands on. I have to hide the adult ones away from her because I don't want her going into all the atrocities of the holocaust. Books like Boy in the Striped Pyjamas was fine for her though.

She's been to the holocaust museum in Melb too. 

She's a huge reader. I remember she could read from when she was 2 years old. She taught herself. I told my sister to teach her and my sister refused because she didn't want her reading everything...lol

[NightFury]

@tyme I love that she likes to read. We need more kids who connect with reading, in this world. I was a reader as a child - I LOVED it. I got to visit other worlds and play with dragons and meet knights in shining armor. I could go hunting with the fae and fight another wizard. It was...an escape for me. 

But I've also learnt a lot from reading. It broadens your horizons and experiences of the World, so...I love that you have a niece who loves to read. 

[AuntGlow]

@NightFury Of course! I get that. I would feel disheartened too...

This is actually a good learning moment, because you get the opportunity to better understand what really works for you - so many things can impact how we react to certain strategies and support. (And I can imagine that ice could be very overstimulating for some.) What's important here is getting to know your body and what it needs moment to moment. Ice might work in the future, but maybe we can try something else for now? ☺️ 

It's very normal to feel flat or disconnected if you're not 'feeling' an experience... were there moments of connection for you at all? 

It sounds like things are feeling extra tough this week. 😔 There is nothing wrong with you, you are doing your absolute best to manage some really complex human feelings and experiences, and it's a lot. 

I get the sense that more connection could help with so many aspects of the aforementioned.

Maybe we can look at new ways for you to explore this? Specifically, connection that reassures and nurtures that little voice in your mind, which questions if there's something wrong with you. What are your thoughts? 💗

[NightFury]

@AuntGlow I would really like to try something else for now. The ice was...it was sensory and unpleasant and I didn't like it or the way it made me feel. She gave me two other strategies to use - cold shower (which...isn't an option at the moment. My house is freezing and it's not gotten over 10 degrees here all week. The cold gets into my bones and makes me sore) and sour lollies. I'm trying to hunt down lollies that are more sour than sweet though. 

There was a couple of moments of connection. I didn't have a gold coin to make a donation, so that I could eat the hot meal at the end of the game and one lady offered to pay for me, but I refused. She later brought a bowl over to me and sat it down in front of me. It was kind of her.

I would like that AuntGlow, to explore ways to get that kind of nurturing connection that reassures that voice that questions whether there's something wrong with me, something broken. 

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @NightFury!

Sour lollies sound like a really good alternative. For some other ideas, please have a look at this list and let me know if anything else resonates: Alternatives to Self-Harm — Project LETS

Oh, that is really lovely. You deserve to receive many more moments like this. I get the sense you provide them very willingly to others. 🥰

I think that finding like-minded people through like-minded avenues can really help with this. The people who have held and accepted my wounded self the most, are the people I met through doing things I was aligned with. For example, when I was at uni or studying acting. 

But I know it takes time to open up and build trust. I am curious to know if you have met anyone lately who you might like to get to know more? 💛

[NightFury]

@AuntGlow I will take a look at the alternatives to SH resource when I get home and I'll let you know if and what stands out for me as a strategy I could use. Thank you for sharing it. 

I would love to find some like-minded people, but...I really struggled with being social and making connections. I struggle with trust, and communicating when I'm shy, or when things are challenging in my relationships with others. I get really anxious around others and question and second guess and over think everything. 

I just really want those authentic connections with people that I don't have to hide my struggles and challenges with. Where I can just be me. I know they take time to build and it won't happen over night, but I just need to find people who don't judge, who accept me for me...everything side of me. 

I haven't met anyone lately, that I would like to get to know more. But, I would like to. I just...don't know how.

[AuntGlow]

@NightFury Okay, yes - please let me know! But no rush. 

I think you will find these people, in time. It's okay to be all of these things - the right people will absolutely embrace all of your many wonderful layers (even the ones you are still learning to love). Learning to communicate our needs socially can be really tough, as can trusting new people, but it's possible with some support. 💗

hmm, would you like to brainstorm some ideas? 

[NightFury]

@AuntGlow I would love to...

I thought maybe joining a book club? But I haven't really had the brain power to connect with reading much lately. 

Or like a supportive space/group for LGBTQIA+....but I don't know if I'm ready to take that step, yet. 

I don't really know what's in my area...I might have to do some research as we go tonight.