Acceptance is hard work

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow Okay...but give me a little bit of time? So that I can share when the rug rat goes home. She should be picked up within the next 15/20 minutes. 

[AuntGlow]

Of course! Give her a big hug if you can, it may help with the release of some feel-good chemicals. 🥰 @MissinTooth 

[MissinTooth]

She's gone home now. I got a hug and a kiss and a "nuff nuff" (love you!)

I'm going to put this in a trigger warning...because...I want to make sure that I don't get in trouble. Please don't judge, please don't worry.

Trigger warning: Self harm

Content/trigger warning

TW: Self harm...


I'm feel icky in my own skin. 

My psoriasis has flared up over the last couple of days, and it's sore and itchy and inflamed. My skin has always been a sore point for me - I've always felt embarrassed and have had to avoid certain situations or experiences because...I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I'm not comfortable with other people's reactions to it.

And...I have SH now too

I couldn't share my SH challenges that I'm experiencing with my friend on Saturday and that's the thing that I really rehearsed over and over in my head for a week. 

As I said to @rav3n I'm ashamed of my mental health and of myself!

[AuntGlow]

Thank you so much for sharing this 🥰 @MissinTooth 

Feeling icky in your own skin is very real and uncomfortable. Having other people perceive us and potentially 'judge' is always really hard to sit with too... it would be so much easier if peoples' default was being understanding and kind, hey? I wonder what it would be like to hold space for some more love towards your body?

Self-harm is such a vulnerable topic and very complex, isn't it? I really encourage you to be super gentle with yourself around not sharing - it's really tough terrain to navigate. And I can imagine if you were rehearsing it, it would have felt really big to share, and perhaps a tad pressure-filled to get it 'right'? 

You are allowed to revisit this conversation next time, if it feels right.

Your stories and shames are always welcome here (and never judged!) 💛

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I don't know what it would feel like. I've never been able to. 

It is a vulnerable topic and it's really complex and how I feel about it is really complex. I was so afraid it would change the way she saw me - I don't want people to worry, or feel sorry for me, or treat me differently. But it's complex because...also I kinda need that gentleness. Part of me wants to protect it and put up walls and keep people from seeing me, but part of me just wants someone to care.

I feel all shaky now, like trembly in the legs and swirly in the stomach.

[rav3n]

hugs to you @MissinTooth i do have to hop off, but i will respond to your posts here and on the other thread when i'm on next.

for now, take care and i wanna leave you with something i read - when you're 18, it's your first year of being an adult. it's a completely new experience and your 20s-30s are essentially you growing up AGAIN. and some people are still doing a lot of growing/learning in their 60s+

chat to you soon 💙

[MissinTooth]

@rav3n thank you for supporting me tonight. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night. 

[AuntGlow]

@MissinTooth I get that and that's really common, I think. 💗

That makes complete sense. It is really complicated, and it does make sharing hard. It's very human to worry how you will be perceived and if you will be accepted after sharing something so nuanced and vulnerable.

However, I think the people that are meant for us will love, hold, and nurture our wounds. And if this person feels safe for you, I get the sense they will do exactly that. 🥰

Is that trembly feeling still present for you at all? 

[AuntGlow]

@MissinTooth I have to go now, so just wanted to say goodnight. We have some training coming up this week, so I may or may not be online as much - but will respond whenever I can. Will be thinking of you! 💛

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow no, I'm tucked up in bed, trying to stay warm, but I'm feeling a bit more settled. 

Good night. Enjoy your training. Thank you.