Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Hobbit]

Which leads me onto boundaries. I thought I would pose this question:

What kind of boundaries do you put in place as a carer for someone with dual diagnosis? Are they the same boundaries for MH as they would be for AOD?

You might find that setting the boundaries are easier than actually enforcing them. A boundary without consequences may be worthless. Maybe you could observe your loved one over a period of time and write down what behaviours you find unacceptable. The list might be helpful in being able to better observe what common arguments you have with your loved one so you might be able to diffuse them or avoid them. It is perfectly fine to acknowledge that it may be painful but you can say that you can’t be around your loved one when they are using/drinking – Al Anon calls this detachment with love. Some of the best consequences may arise when you create distance from your loved one, e.g. if your loved one is late for something, don’t call them/nag, just wait 15 minutes and then continue on without them. Having solid boundaries might be hard on you and your loved one but it is the healthiest thing for you and your loved one. The sooner your loved one is forced to accept responsibility for their actions or hit rock bottom, the sooner it will be for them to become motivated and change

What does everyone else think?

[Xander]

If the self medicating works (using the term works loosely) sometimes its enough for the person to feel like they avoid the stigma in the first place

[PeppiPatty]

Tay I made it!! I'm so happy to see my friend @Hobbit!

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Hobbit

How are you?? How cool to see you again......

Im unsure of the care your talking about ...something informed care....I read the substance abuse in MI that was done last year and I really really liked how you said your mother said to you;

"I've done what I can do." Was those the words?? 

[Hobbit]

Hi @PeppiPatty long time no 'type' ha ha!

How are you doing?I read you questions and what I can say is htat in NSW, there is new legislation that allows for much more carer involvement in the treatment process. I'm not too sure about other states though.

[PeppiPatty]

@Xander ( like your name...) 

My husband who is sitting next to me says that he had a lot of anger issues he needed resolving to get to the place to stop 

[PeppiPatty]

Oh @Jo

Yes, I was so there re; giving in. 

[Hobbit]

That's right - she basically told me she couldn't hlp me anymore. This was essentially her setting her own boundaries, and taking responsibility for her own wellbeing. She has told me since how hard it was for her, but she did it ou of love. And it worked (in the end!)

I want to acknowledge that she was basically creating certain boundaries for herself that said things such as;

• Acknowledging that she has needs too
• Learning to say no to unreasonable demands that may be unreasonable and unmanageable
• Kept doing the things that she enjoyed – activities, interests, goals

But the important thing was that she kept telling me that she loved me....

[PeppiPatty]

Its good seeing you @Hobbit

I got back with my husband, he got into a very bad place when I put restraining order on him from drug use and his alcohol then, he ent to the GP and decided........to use the m...... program and he says now.....it's all he needs. 

[Hobbit]

@PeppiPatty

Trauma informed care (TIC) asks not what’s wrong with you? Instead it asks what happened to you? TIC recognises the coping/survival skills and doesn’t traumatize an individual or re-traumatize them when they seek help.

It's a very deep and caring way of helping a person.