Lived Experience Forum

[Ali11]

Any time @Doglover! We should all be supporting each other on the forums, we've all come here for connection, insight, support, love or advice 

It's so good that you're at that point where you're ready to change that self-talk. There have been a few books recommended on various threads, but one that seems quite helpful is The Courage To Be Dislilked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It's a short read, flows like a conversation between a philosopher and a student who wants to prove him wrong. Otherwise there are some great short talks & videos on YouTube about working on your self-talk, a few good names are Lewis Howes, Jim Kwik, Brene Brown; or if you want something longer form there is an audio book on YouTube called The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem by Dr Nathaniel Branden. Looking forward to hearing about your journey as you learn to love yourself better

Today has been a good day, got some housework done which is sometimes a huge accomplishment for the week  How about you?

[Doglover]

Thanks @Ali11. Im not sure im doing much supporting on the forum, doing more taking than giving i think, i guess thats just where im at. Mayb when im further down the path and feeling better i will have more support and encouragement to offer others. In the meantime, i hope people can put up with me!

Thank you for the info re books, videos etc. I like the title 'The Courage to be Disliked'. Thats great. I have realised throughout this process how much of a poeple pleaser i am. I just about killed myself in my job (which iv been off from for 7 months now) because i never said no, no matter how swamped i was, becoz i didnt want to let anyone down and didnt want anyone to think any the less of me. I was so scared to be thought of anything other than highly. This resulted in me working until midnight some nights, even one day when i was off work sick, i worked 14 hours from home. Just crazy! I really hope i can be well enough again to go back to work, and that i still have a job to go back to, but it will need to be a very different person that goes back. I think iv learnt my lesson, but you never quite know until ur put back in that situation whether you really have, or whether you fall back into old habits.

Im glad uv had a good day today. Mine has also bn a better day for which i am grateful. I took my dog for a run this morning (i walk her to the park then throw the ball - she would chase that thing all day if i let her!). While i was at the park i had a good talk with an elderly friend on the phone so i was there for ages. Pup was happy, she got an extra long run. This afternoon i spent with my mum which was a real blessing. We sat and knitted and chatted. ☺ So a good day.

I hav just started coming off short term anxiety meds that i have been on way too long bcoz they hav not bn able to find a substitute that works, so hoping and praying that that process wont be too painful!!!

I hope tomorrow is another good day for you @Ali11 .

Doglover x

[Ali11]

The more stories we share, the more connected we are @Doglover, so just by showing up you're helping others feel more connected. Even clicking support on someone's post can help us feel like people are here and listening. It's okay to just be you, so no guilt about how much you contribute. Many of us know the feeling of being a people pleaser, and the hardest thing can be to forgive ourselves for saying no, but for us to function at our best we have to look after ourselves most 

Awareness of those old habits is what will help you be that different person. Happy to share those books and videos, sometimes it can be just one story that helps us, and learning to set boundaries is a powerful feeling.

Your day sounds good, dogs are the most loving and entertaining family members, the ball throwing would be fun and connecting with the friend then knitting with mum is a lovely way to spend an afternoon. How are you feeling today? Changing or coming off meds can be tough, hope you're being kind to yourself 

[Doglover]

Thanks for ur encouragement and support as always @Ali11  . Its funny you shld bring up about being a people pleaser - i was only talking to my husband about that very thing an hour or two ago!

The book title "The courage to be disliked" has rly spoken to me. Havnt even read the book but the title is so good. I was sharing it with my husband and telling him how iv realised how much of a people pleaser i am, that im just so scared of people not liking me. At work i just about killed myself working all sorts of stupid hours bcoz i didnt want to let neone down or hav neone think ne the less of me (look whr that got me - 7 months sick leave and counting!). Even in my marriage, im so scared of doing or saying nething that may upset my husband bcoz i cant bear the thought of him being upset/angry/annoyed/frustrated/etc with me bcoz it hurts so bad. I realise i need to change these traits in myself, even in my my marriage. I need to be willing to speak the truth at times, even if my husband might get mad. And i need to find a way not to be so deeply hurt by that if he does. I definitely need to find ways of looking after myself better - on the inside. 

I had a lovely day that day. Each day since has bn rly tough with my dog being rly sick adding to our alrdy very stressful lives. Been to the vets twice and back again tmrw. Im hoping wev got to the bottom of the problem now. At one point we thought it was going to b surgery, several thousand $$'s which we just dont hav. My husband was so stressed and pressured he even said we wld hav to put the dog down if it came to that. Shes not even 6. It was heartbreaking! But it was just stress talking. She seems perkier tonight but has had a pain injection so that cld hav something to do with it. Hopefully tmrw we will find out that wre on the right track! So its bn a very stressful few days! And yes, at the same time as reducing meds. I seem to b going ok with that so far, though i think my sleep might b being affected and my symptoms r pretty unpleasant when i wake up in the morning. One day at a time. I am trying to learn how to b kind to myself.

How are u doing @Ali11 . I seem to recall reading elsewhr that ur doing things a bit tough at the moment. And still ur here being a wonderful support to others.

You are a blessing. Sending u love and best wishes. Xx

[Ali11]

Taking it one day at a time to be kind to yourself is a good way to help look after yourself @Doglover. How is your dog this morning? It can be extremely difficult when dealing with pet issues, especially when we don't know how they are feeling as they are part of our families. We know that you are doing everything that you can for your dog and we're sure that she appreciates it. 

Thank you for your kind words, it has been a hard week but we're at the end of it! 

[Doglover]

Hi @Ali11 ,

We hav bn to the vets today. They think she might hav done herself an injury throwing herself around chasing and catching the ball. The dont think its a recurrence of her gastrointestinal problems this time. She is on anti inflammatries and unfortunately for her, gentle exercise only! Which means no ball chasing! Aaarrgghh! She lives for ball chasing! But its not worth the risk of her doing serious damage. Going to hav to find other ways of giving her what she needs - more mental stimulation will tire her out they said. 

Taking one day at a time is good advise. How often we let our minds run ahead into the future and its always worst case scenario (at least it is in my experience anyway!).

Im sorry u hav hard a hard week. I hope the weekend is better and that u are looking after urself. What do u like to do when ur needing that little extra self care?

[Ali11]

Aw, poor thing, that will be tough for her to change her love of chasing the ball @Doglover, but I'm sure with lots of love from you she'll be okay.

Absolutely right, so often we're worried about the future and feeling resentment or regret for the past and we forget to just be in the now. And you're right, it's often the worst case scenario that we picture  Quite a few of the self help gurus suggest changing the question from "What could go wrong? What will I do when it does?" to "What if everything goes smoothly? What will I be able to do next?"

The hard weeks make us appreciate the good ones more sometimes, and the weekend has been good so far  If feeling a little anxious, maybe some standing breathing exercises, hands on hips and head high, long deep breaths in the nose and out the mouth. If it's more of an intense feeling, laying flat on the ground, arms and legs relaxed, listening to breath and heart beat sounds while focusing on long slow inhales and exhales, eyes closed and a smile. Even just doing either of those for 5 minutes feels like an improvement in presence and mood. On very bad days, maybe a walk and then a nap with a book or movie, wrapped up in blankets like a warm hug How about you?

[Doglover]

Hi @Ali11 ,

I think im still learning what my self care options r, what works for me. Its only rly a concept iv heard about since being on these forums.

Since becoming ill with MI i hav started to do some knitting but sometimes i find it therapeutic and other times i find it annoying and/or boring. I enjoy it the most when im with my mum, sitting on the couch, both knitting and chatting, thats rly nice. Taking my dog for a  walk and having the privacy to call an elderly friend who is a lovely support is nice. Tho that will change now bcoz i kept my dog occupied by throwing the ball! I enjoy catching some sunshine when its not too hot, and sometimes enjoy pottering in the garden, other times not. My OT taught me breathing techniques - deep breathing and 'mindfulness of the breath'. I must admit i dont use them as often as i shld, usually just when im trying to go to sleep at night, and only some nights. So its still a bit trial and error-ish for me at the moment, figuring out what works. Il b seeing my mum tmrw and after doing a few bits out n about we will b coming back to my place to hang out, and no doubt chat and knit, so im looking forward to that.

Re pup, yes she is very well loved. And hubby  i will just hav to get a little more creative about ways to entertain her and stimulate the ridiculously smart little mind of hers.

I like the turnaround of those questions. My mind is usually focusing on the worst case scenario and a fate-a-compli that i wont b able to cope. Very healthy to turn that around and ask those other questions u mentioned.

Im glad ur weekend is going well so far, hope it continues! I think i remember u saying u work 4 days a week is that right? Im finding being off work very challenging. It gets very boring after a while! There are plenty of projects i cld do around the house, and i have done a few bits and pieces, but the ones that are left are jobs that i find unpleasant and cant seem to get the motivation for, like lots of ironing, cleaning out bathroom cupboards, sorting thru linen cupboard, that sort of thing. Not exactly my idea of a good time! Lol.

Anyway, take care and nice to chat with u  @Ali11  as always. X

[Ali11]

Glad to hear that you are exploring options around self-care @Doglover. It is definitely something that is gaining popularity. Those activities sound really good, but you're right, there is no "one size fits all approach" with self-care, it's all trial and error and completely individual. What works for me, may not work for you. 

Knitting does sound incredibly therapeutic and we're so glad to hear that you get to enjoy that time with your mum. It's really special to have a time where you can recharge and chat with her, do you see each other often?

[Doglover]

Hi @Ali11 , how r u today my friend? I hope u r well. 

Yes i definitely need to care for myself better, not just in doing 'self care' type things but also in the attitude of my heart towards myself - having a more caring and forgiving, less harsh and critical attitude towards myself. I think that wld b a gd thing. ☺

I love my mum dearly. It hasnt always bn an easy relationship - she has had significant MH struggles throughout her life so its often been a 'carer-dependant' type relationship, with me being the carer, so its bn a tough road. But she is doing rly well now and has bn for years so we hav a much more balanced relationship and genuinely enjoy spending time together. We see each other at church but as for actually hanging out, probably around once a week, thats just bn since my MI and being off work. Shes bn a wonderful.support for me bcoz she actually understands what im going thru bcoz shes bn thr herself. We hung out ystrday, went to waldecks to spend a gift voucher she gave me for my birthday - i was able to buy myself some gifts so that was rly nice. Went to spotlight to buy sone wool then came back to my place and hung out and did some knitting. It was rly nice. She gave me a plant ystrday so im going to pot that today in the pot i bought ystrday. 

Also we need to find ways to stimulate our little dogs mind seeing shes going to b getting less exercise so wre going to go to bunnings and buy a few bits to make a home made food dispenser to give her a bit of a challenge. Over time im going to try and come up with lots of different food dispensers to keep her on her toes and always challenged when it comes to feeding time. Shld b fun.

I hope you are doing well @Ali11 , your probably at work today - i hope u hav a good day. Take care, Doglover xx