@Jynx yeah focusing too much on my body can be triggering, even with breathing exercise, focusing on how my chest feels is too much. Body scans are also a big no. However, I’m able to use the five senses grounding, and still able to focus on breathing in and out. Focusing on how my body feels is just too scary for me right now. Even talking about it makes my body feel not right.
Maybe it is about swapping to less harmful ways. SH isn’t always as stereotyped, there are different forms. I think sometimes it is hard to recognise it. The mind can try to convince you and even justify your actions. I can’t say too much about the details. It is hard fighting cravings and it may start as small but can get out of control. I know I’ll need to find new ways.
I know they say worry time helps some people. Maybe putting some time aside to just think might help. I can’t stop thinking, the pain is still real and demands to be felt. I haven’t tried it.
I know spending time thinking and reflecting on the positives can help, instead of thinking of how broken I am, it helps to think about how the pain has shaped me. Obviously I’m not okay with the trauma that I’ve experienced, but I wouldn’t be the person I was today without it. I wouldn’t have grown this much. Finding purpose helps, but obviously doesn’t mean it won’t be painful. Life is bittersweet.
I know being physically unwell doesn’t help, I think I have germ infestation in my nose, my sinuses are so sore. I also find checking in with my body really hard, maybe it’ll take time to feel comfy, I’m just not there yet.
@AuntGlow add physical stress from a viral infestation in my nose, it’s a gross mess. I was so snotty crying last night, but it was a good release. Couldn’t breathe properly through my nose for a while.
Maybe I need to be patient. I’m trying out more saffron strands in my tea (obviously without overdoing it). Thought it was a more gentle alternative to meds for ADHD. Plus saffron is really good for depression and anxiety. I love when they add saffron to food. My granny loves saffron so much, she used to use it in her cooking. My mum said she was an amazing cook. I also find connecting myself spiritually helpful, like connecting to my faith, nature and creating purpose in my life. Maybe volunteer work will help me see a purpose in my life. I’m still job searching, and will wait and see what comes up.
Last therapy session was hard, my psych really challenged me and wants me to get out of my comfort bubble. The only way you can start feeling safer in the world and with people is through exposure. Obviously it has to be done at my own pace, but she thinks I need to get out more. I am a super anxious person, and I am often so hyperviligant when out. We spoke a bit about the trauma stuff too.
Delaying and doing something different can be helpful, especially with urges.
I naturally stim a lot, I’m the queen of stimming, it helps so much with anxiety. Though people in the mental health field are often able to recognise it as ND and/or anxiety. I don’t see it as problematic, however, I have to try to ensure it’s more subtle in professional settings. Not exactly appropriate to bounce your leg during an appointment with a client, but ring playing is okay
