RE: Darkness surrounds me

[Former-Member]

Why does life have to be so cruel?

I can't deal with these flashbacks, the pdoc was an ahole last week and I so need to see my psych but he is away still. Then that dreaded phone call so now I will be sitting up all night waiting for the next dreaded call that I don't want but know it will come. 

I don't want this life anymore

[outlander]

Its not fair @Former-Member i hope that call doesnt come but with it i hope she has peace in her passing.
Im not sure whatll help but im hear with you for as long as you need ❤❤

[Former-Member]

@outlanderI can't even control GN2 at all, it is so far out of my reach. I honestly do not know what will help anymore, I don't seem to have any answers for myself. It is just minute by minute and trying so hard to keep GN1 as my only goal atm

[Former-Member]

Thanks @MDT @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom

Sorry I know you are there too for me 

[outlander]

Minute by minute it is then @Former-Member remember to breathe. Keep your safety plan within reach, talk to your hubby too if you need to.

[Former-Member]

His not home @outlander, it is just me and the kids

I am trying to stick to my safety plan, so so much, but it is super hard tonight, its been super hard even before this phone call. 

I know you get it, why does it have to be this way, why does bad crap happen to such good people

Sorry I am just rambling now

[outlander]

I know sis ❤ it really isnt fair. Not one bit. But you will get through this even though you dont think you will. Your stronger than you know and we are right here for you. Keeo talking keep using your safety plan. Reach out behind the scenes if you need to.
Ramble away. Im listening @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

@outlanderI'm sorry, I shouldn't be putting this all onto you. 

I am far from strong, I was once but not anymore. I tried to reach out but was on hold for too long I just gave up in the end. And then GN2 was broken again 

I feel so utterly destryed now. These new flashbacks are just so painful, and there is no one in my world that I would ever tell about them. 

[Appleblossom]

Sorry to hear about your friend. @Former-Member Grief is grief. We cannot fight it. It is natural.  DO the children know that you are waiting for a phone call.  I am ont really sure how old your children are.

Pity the pdoc did not earn his medicare. 

Breathing.

[outlander]

No need to say sorry @Former-Member i dont need to explain why.
You are strong nell. You will get through this ❤ aim for gn1 tonight and ill help you rhe best i can through it.
I am not surprised you feel this way if it helps even people without mh issues would be struggling with this. Its not nice at all