Lived Experience Forum

[Birdofparadise8]

Sorry I’m confused with the first paragraph. 
kind kid? 
Being here at the football. 
I don’t know if you saw the post yesterday to @ENKELI 

@but I said how I feel like I’m in a pool of my own tears I can’t get out and everyone around me is laughing at me. I still feel like that right now. 

[Shaz51]

Mount Bellendar Kerr

And Mount Bartle freere 

@Blackbird11 , @Birdofparadise8 

@PinkFlamingo 2 highest mountains around me 

[Birdofparadise8]

Here is the post @Blackbird11 

Thank you @ENKELI 

That would be hard. 

Yeah, I did. I replied to you and said the uni wifi blocks it. What are the videos? Are they her movies or what? 

Thank you @ENKELI I wish I could take it away as well, but it's stuck with me. 

I don't know. Crying for number one, music, TV, but that's things I do anyway, so not much. 

I just feel so defeated. It was as if I was waiting for a pin to drop, and once it did, it burst me open. 

I don't know if my depression is getting worse, or I'm just a bad person, too sensitive or if I can't cope on my own. Maybe I'm too sensitive to rejection as well and just perceive everything as such. 

I feel like everything I do seems to be wrong (after I've done it and been told). It's like I can't do anything right anymore. I just hate the feeling of not talking to anyone. Like I'll call my family for a quick call, but other than that, no one. 

How I feel right now is as if I'm trying to get out of a very deep pool that has nothing to hold on to while people watch around me and are laughing. And the pool is made with my tears. 

Well, I've never thought of that before. This is in my imagination, by the way. 

I think I'm being a bit dark there, @ENKELI. I'm sorry. I thought it would better describe how I feel. 

hh

[Blackbird11]

That is some heavy feelings @Birdofparadise8 our imagination is very powerful and it's only thoughts but feels very real. You can choose to let thoughts go.

Thank you mind for that thought but I choose to think positive things.

You are not a bad person, you bring so much with you @Birdofparadise8 you are so important and loved. We're here with you.

[Birdofparadise8]

I know it’s my imagination but it really does feel like. It’s like I’m drowning in my thoughts. 
I’m really not okay. I’m not looking forward to once I go home after this. A very lonely night. 
I don’t think it’s that easy to think positive thoughts right now @Blackbird11 

I don’t choose to have all this negativity around me and in my mind it’s just here. 
I really appreciate you @Blackbird11 

I hope you know that. 
should I tell my psych about the pool thing? 

[Birdofparadise8]

I normally really like the football but I just feel so sad to enjoy it @Blackbird11 

third quarter is starting I’ll be back in a bit. Maybe 30 min. 

[Blackbird11]

Yes, I think it would be good to process those thoughts with your psych @Birdofparadise8 

It is very hard to find positives sometimes. Maybe make a list of positive things on your notes on your phone, when you're feeling in a good space. Then when you are flat and negative, you can look at your list and remind yourself of the positives. 

Thank you @Birdofparadise8 we're here for each other. I appreciate you too.

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 greetings princess, we have finally arrived at our destination but unfortunately the motel has changed their internet rules and I can't access internet in our room.

Fortunately I've got my phone so I'll be able to check in after Carlton have annihilated North Melbourne 🥰

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah I’ll let him know on Wednesday when I see him @Blackbird11 

I wish it was Wednesday already. 
okay I’ll have a good at a list when I’m feeling better. 
aww 🥰 

hey @ENKELI 

im pleased your there. 
oh what no internet that sucks. 
Yes it’s going well so far. 71/106 Carlton winning. 
mmm well im not very well. If you’ve seen the post from this afternoon. 
I told @Blackbird11 

About the thought around the pool. I still feel like it now very deeply. 
im really not okay @ENKELI 

I’ll be back in 30 minutes 

[Birdofparadise8]

Carlton won @ENKELI @Blackbird11 @Shaz51 @ArraDreaming @Snowie @PinkFlamingo