Lived Experience Forum

[Captain24]

Yes you could imagine what would happen these days @tyme . Oh how easy life was back then. 

I get up at 4:30 leave at 5:30. Maybe if my MH gets under control I can quit smoking and not have to get up so early. 

[tyme]

Fair enough @Captain24 . I'm not a smoker, so I can't relate. But no thanks to the 4:30am get ups!

What time do you sleep then? Hope I'm not keeping you,

tyme

[Captain24]

Currently between 10:30 and 11 @tyme 

I can’t seem to get to sleep since I’ve been in this horrible dark place. I’ve just been tossing and turning and really just dozing mostly.

Before I was in bed by 9 and asleep by 10 past! 

I guess it’s just something else to work on! 

I wish I wasn’t  a smoker but I think I need to wait until I’m comfortable with my safety and mental health before I consider it. 

[tyme]

I shouldn't be 'preaching' about issues regarding smoking @Captain24 , as I don't have the slightest idea. But I remember when I was having difficulties sleeping, during a psychotherapy group (with other members), they did mention not smoking after dinner because it is stimulant?

Not sure if this relates to trouble sleeping.

Lacking sleep in itself can make your MH much worse. I know it is for me. When I haven't slept, people know it!

Having a wind-down routine helps. Do you have a wind-down routine? I'll be hopping off soon too.

tyme

[Captain24]

Preaching is all good @tyme It never bothered my sleeping before. I’m usually an amazing sleeper and once I’m a sleep I don’t hear anything. 

I had a great night sleep about 3 nights ago and woke up in a really dark place. 

I need to find a wind down routine. I’ve been trying a shower and the hot chocolate. I’ve tried listening to rain and thunderstorms. I can’t cope with meditation it’s puts me on edge. I’ve tried watch tv in the dark and putting my phone away. 

The only thing I can think of that’s causing it is the bad place I’ve been in when going to bed. But last night it wasn’t as dark and I still didn’t sleep well. I do think it’s affecting my MH and my work especially the night shifts. 

[Captain24]

I’m not ok today

Im really struggling with my mood. I just feel flat and don’t know why. I’ve given up fighting the dark as it doesn’t help. I just have to run with it. Im tired of always feeling negative. I know I’m the only one that can change that. I’m also finding myself getting irritated and angry really quickly and easily.

I was thinking about my sleeping issues last night in bed. I dread going to bed as when I get there I think of all the things I didn’t do right or could have done better.  Did I say something stupid? Should I have worded that better? Should I have joined in that conversation or did they not want me to? Is tomorrow going to be better? Can I fix this? It’s always negative. Maybe if I could just go the bed and not think I may sleep better. 

There was some good things though. I managed to not hit the tree on the road in the dark! I had a conversation with someone for over an hour. It’s the longest conversation I have had for weeks!  Also I had the confidence to speak up and ask if one of the new people needed help with the difficult situation we were in today. 

Since there has been nothing but rain for the last 5 days obviously everything is wet and slippery. So what did stupid me do? Fall down. Now I’m feeling battered and bruised. 

Today I just want it all to end. 

[tyme]

You’ve had a big day @Captain24 . Give yourself some rest tonight. I found scribbling down all my thoughts and apprehensions before going to bed, helps. It’s like a brain dump. I learnt to do this because in a recovery centre, my key worker reminded me that what I write won’t disappear by the morning so I may as well write them down so I can “let go” and go to sleep.

Well done on your achievements today. You could even post them in Daily Achievements! 

tyme

[Captain24]

I’ve just had a hot bath @tyme to try and ease my physical and emotional pain but it didn’t work on either. 

I’ll try the brain dump and see if that works. Thanks. 

Both psychical and mental pain are intense. 

I think I’ll just go to bed

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @Captain24 How did you go with the brain dump? 

It can be so frustrating when sleep betrays us. Were you able to get some rest? I hope you are feeling better today. Please check in with us if you would like to 😊

[Captain24]

Hi @Paperdaisy Thanks for the checkin 

I did do the brain dump and it did help. I’ll keep a notepad and pen by my bed and try it each time I go to bed. Sleep is extremely important in normal situations but especially when on night shift. What I wrote is really really dark but at least I got it out and had a good nights sleep and didn’t wake up during the night and felt a bit better today. 

I just had a really really positive moment. That I hope I can hold onto and not bury it in negatives.

I was rushing through the supermarket so I could get out and away from all the people. I ran into the wife of a former work mate. I just did the general ‘hi how are you’ then she burst into tears and opened up about how bad life is for her. So I just gave her a hug and listened. She said how alone she was. The her good friends have left her after her son had a psychotic episode. Then she was ashamed to tell me of his diagnosis and that he was medicated. I was so supportive and instead of what I think she was expecting just said. ‘Are the meds working? Has it calmed him done?’. Long story short. I then gave her my number and said she was not alone and I was just a call away. Without these forums I’m not sure I could have been so supportive and understanding especially with the black place I’m in myself. 

It gave me a glimmer of hope that I’m not a completely bad person and I do have some good in me! I do feel bad though that her rough time has helped me feel that there maybe a good person inside of me somewhere.