Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Are you going to work tonight or tomorrow? @Captain24 

I sometimes bring lunch from home, otherwise I eat junk food. 

Hugs @Captain24 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 sometimes it is hard to manage to do anything and that's ok hon. I think we can all learn how to be kinder to ourselves and take positives out of anything. Yes me included.

[Captain24]

I go back to work tomorrow @tyme for 2 dayshifts and then 2 nights. I have to pack lunch as there is nowhere to get it if I don’t take anything. 

There hasn’t been much positive recently @Snowie I didn’t even manage to complete my shifts last block. Plus my boss that triggers me starts back tomorrow too. 

[tyme]

Oh no @Captain24 . That must be hard. 

What is it that triggers you with this boss? Is it something they do or say? (Only if you feel like sharing)

[Captain24]

The only identity I have with him is my MH @tyme. All he ever focuses on is my MH not my work or anything else. Work is suppose to be my escape. I have no ability to progress any further. It makes me not want to be there. Sorry for whinging about him. I don’t have the strength to even get up and go. I don’t know how I can get there knowing I have to see him. It’s all just too much. 

[tyme]

I wonder if this is something you can tell him straight up? I know as a boss, he probably has a duty to ask you as it's a pretty risky environment. At the same time, you don't need to be saturated and constantly reminded "You have MH issues". Is that what you mean? @Captain24 

Thanks for popping by the Live Sunday Hangout. I really appreciated it.

[Captain24]

It’s hard to explain. @tyme. It’s like I’m just my label not me. My performance review was all in my MH to the put that his goal is that I become a ‘confident young lady’ in the prestart meeting. Thats so condescending as my job is more than a 10minute daily meeting. There is 12 other hours in the shift. Plus I'm mid 40’s so the whole young thing is patronising. I just felt so disrespected and this is the first time I will have seen him since the review. 

It’s really hurting me..it’s causing me so much pain. I thought getting through the last few days was hard. This is making tonight extremely hard. 

I thought I’d have a look. I know I wasn’t up for it but just hoped that by logging on it showed my support. 

[tyme]

Arghhh... I'm hearing you @Captain24 . Now I know what you mean. I can see how patronising it is - as though you are the 'weaker vessel' and he was to transform you. 

I also hear you when you mentioned that work is your outlet and to have this hanging over your head, I can see how degrading it feels. 

I'm sorry this is happening. 

I really hope you will be able to convey these feelings to him one day - whether in person or in writing. If it is affecting you so much, when you feel able, it's probably good to let him know. 

I know this is not easy to do. 

Will self-talk help you tomorrow? e.g. you are there for yourself and not for him? You are there to do your job and not have him over your head? 

Also, thanks so much for connecting and showing your support on the live chat.

[Captain24]

I’m glad you can see it @tyme. The couple of people at work that know about it think I’m overreacting.

Im just going to have to think about the fact that it’s a job. It’s keeping a roof over my head. Work is getting really hard. I’m really struggling with going. I’ve done really well with work until recently, since if hit rock bottom. 

[tyme]

I have to say I've experienced some pretty bad stuff in past workplaces. Most people would leave. But I found I did a lot of self talk and told myself things such as:

- it's a job - don't die for your job

- I'm here for myself and no one else

- if I'm not working, I'd be in bed instead so I may as well work

- I do what I love. 

- it's paying the bills.

I think once I got into the habit of doing this, then I wasn't so hard on myself at work.

All the best for the next few days. I'll catch you later this week @Captain24