I am struggling at the moment

[Shaz51]

sending you hugs @Teej 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Teej ......

Thinking of you Hon and hoping thngs are coming together a bit better today .....

Hugs 💜

[Teej]

I’m struggling at the moment. I’m so tired of having si thoughts and I’m so scared for @Former-Member. I don’t want to self medicate but I need everything to turn off

[Appleblossom]

@TeejI am worried about you. I just tagged you on another thread but if you are feeling too distressed dont worry about it... OR

do you want to talk about strategies to work on the self medication 

I am just going to slip into jammies. Back soon.

[Teej]

@Appleblossom  I’m not sure what is happening but I keep getting strong urges to sh. Every night at the moment I am turning it off with meds and I’m lying here rocking but I don’t feel pain. I just want my thoughts about needing to suicide to stop. I don’t even know why they keep coming. 

[Appleblossom]

I have felt and behaved that way a lot @Teej  Same ... as why did my mind feel bombarded with those thoughts.  Why could I not control or manage them .. you have a lot heavier load of mothering than I do, so maybe as they need less, you will find the time/space to process the causes of the SI.

Bottom line ... rocking as self soothing is far better than over medicating ...but it is alright to have agreed level of prn med if that has been sorted. 

Sometimes we are flooded with feeling sometimes we are numb ... I doubt that you are too dissociated that you need to really worry about that.

I felt very grateful to @Former-Member for being there when I was reading my old posts.

You are both special women.

[Teej]

Thanks @Appleblossom,

im not worried about dissociating. I haven’t done that for a long time. I just have an internal battle that goes on in my head between good girl teej and destructive hopeless teej. I’m so tired of the battle.

@Former-Member Has not been around for a bit and her last post was worrisome. 

[Teej]

I’m going to try to sleep now and hope I’ve exhausted myself out worrying and rocking. Night 

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member @Teej

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Teej ....

Sorry, I lost notifications last night, so struggled to find my way around recent posts, and missed this one.  Was also very physically tired, but not wanting to go to sleep (go figure !). I took a trolley o art ear out yesterday and went drawing for a few hours, combination of tramming and walking, but it still turned out to be a 6km + trek.  Had to take a long way around to avoid stairs, particularly once I had loaded the trolley with dinner shopping as well.

D3 is deferred from uni now for the semester, but she has an interest in cooking that is both good for her, and (growiingly) supportive for me.  Will update her situation on the Carer’s thread.

Hugs .... and I am hoping to see @Former-Member pop up again soon.

👋 @Appleblossom .....