Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Ohh  @Eden1919   I hear you about hospital.  It is one thing I have been lucky enough to avoid.

What majors?

I did a BA  too ... it took 8 years ... 

I worked and had children also.

I also have a lot of issues with muscle tension and the teeth.  I am not sure if it is the trauma or the meds.  I have been working with various relaxation and calming techniques since early 1980s.  Sigh ....

A lot of people find meaning in their lives through other people.  There is a level in which that is really common, but also there is a level where we need to live for ourselves.

[Eden1919]

@Appleblossom  i am majoring in a language. 

i am still really struggling i am trying but honestly i really dont know what to do i am so fed up ugh i just need to make it through exams why is everything so hard. 

[Appleblossom]

 @Eden1919 

That is very cool.  It requires a lot of accurate recall.  Could open doors you never knew existed.

Yeah that life thing. Not easy.  

[Eden1919]

@Appleblossom  yeah hopefully. 

ugh i am so tired idk what to do i want to scream but i cant even do that. i am struggling so so much i did get to talk to some family and while i feel supported i also feel like i am just faking everything and at any moment i will just become even more of a burden and while i also know that i wouldnt feel like my loved ones were ever a burden i still hate the thought that i could be not because they dont love me but because i dont want to put them through this. this is my problem and my issue and they shouldnt have to suffer because i am it isnt fair to them, it isnt fair to anyone and i know life isnt fair and that is can be cruel and horrible but then there are also some things that are good. the wind and the sky and the smell of the trees breathes life into me while the constant demands of society suck it out of me. i never know if this very uneven balance is worth it long term or not. but then i also think there is not much choice, some have choice those with the power to do so take that same power from others and it doesnt feel good to not be free but we have all been born and cant be unborn there is nothing else to do. 

[Appleblossom]

@Eden1919 

I agree with you around CHOICE.  It is not fairly shared around.  We often only have a small window of choice, and it is not always an opportunity.

I wish the mental health services would focus a little more on where people are at along the human life cycle.  You are separating out from y.our family of origin.

It sounds as if you can see good things and some potiential for your own life, but have a very sensitive boundary around your self.  I have that problem and too much of the external stuff gets stuck inside me.  I never wanted it but 50 years later I am still struggling to have some armour around me so that some of the bad stuff gets deflected.  DBT is one thing that is supposed to help ??? idk I could not afford it.Then there different levels of boundary between us and those closest whom we love. 

Anyway building up some armour is something I think about these days ... some people use the old Greek goddesses as models ... in a kind of Jungian archetype way ... so I need to be thinking more about Athena ... It is i mportant to understand how symbols and metaphor work which can get confused when psychotic.  I see that as due to being under extra pressure and so everything gets a bit squashed.

The issue of being a burden and being close or separate is a big issue in all family, but it doubles back in a way when we get older ... as we are all interconnected.

Just raving a bit.

Hugs @Eden1919 

[Eden1919]

@Appleblossom  yes on the choice issue it is so frustrating because we are told we live in a society where we have options and the sky is the limit but we are not born equal and do not recieve equal oportunites and this is essentailly a huge lie to make you think it is your fault that you cant seem to make euough money to support yourself even if you are working yourself sick you are still made to believe that you arent working hard enough and that if you just try a little harder then you will get somewhere. it is a lie to placate the masses and avoid a revolt against the super rich who maintain a system thats only purpose it to exploit the majority so that the minority can benift. and we will keep sturggling and we will keep loosing until we change the system. 

on a side note or rather back to the original disscussion i am super tired today and i have so much work to do but idk if i can ugh oh well that is life.  

[Appleblossom]

@Eden1919 

Hope you are hanging in there with study and the rest of it.

[Eden1919]

@Appleblossom  thanks. 

I feel like i am going to EXPLODE. i am just hoping it isnt messy when it happens. 

[Appleblossom]

@Eden1919 

Sometimes distraction from left feld helps.

Not sure if you would like it, but I am watching a romcom called Ali's Wedding. There is a funny bit in it about study.