Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi lately I feel like my emotions are out of control, I feel conflicted as I go through bouts of feeling depressed and wanting to disappear while I am able to feel happy sometimes I mostly feel down and almost robotic during the day. I mostly put on a smile just to get by as I get irritated by people asking what is wrong and I also do it for my son but I feel myself sinking its getting harder to hide I've tried self care and grounding but it just doesn't seem to work. Sometimes I feel like I can't breath and my chest hurts. I just want all of it to end I want to be happy and and be there for my son

[Lunar]

Hello @Former-Member

That sounds really tough not being able to feel in control over your emotions, and wanting to disappear.

It is good that you are doing some self-care and grounding, are you also talking through some of these emotions with someone to let them out as you said you try to cover them up by smiling all the time? You mentioned that you feel irritated when people ask you what is wrong? What is happening there?

Lunar 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member, I'm sorry you feel your emotions are out of control and I think I understand that feeling a little. I think our emotions are usually fairly out of our control, they are made by so many things including everything happening around us - which we may have absolutely no control over. I can understand the irritation of someone asking what's wrong (not that I have many people asking); with me I think it's because I'm trying to shut my thoughts down and the last thing I want to do is think more while trying to explain 'what's wrong'. The physical symptoms of not being able to breath and pain in the chest sound very familiar too, sometimes it even feels like my own throat is choking me, closing up against my will. There may not be anything obviously bad or harmful happening to me or around me, it is often my inability to see anything good about myself or my situation. When those times happen my child is my savior, my child is the best thing I have, or ever will do in my life; and I am so very proud of them. I think you have very similar feelings for your Son, so I hope the brilliance of light that is your love for him, can guide you when, for reasons outside of your control, your emotions are confusing you

[Lunar]

Hello @Former-Member

Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing today? I am imagining you are quite exhausted from dealing with these really intense and difficult feelings, it is not easy especially when you have a child to look after on top of all of this.

Thinking of you

Lunar

[Teej]

Hey @Faith-and-Hope, just wondering if you are around. I need someone to sit with me and keep me accountable for now. It’s ok if you can’t. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Right here @Teej ..... ❣️

Do you want to talk about it, or chat to distract ?

[Teej]

Distract until I fall asleep if that’s ok @Faith-and-Hope. I just yelled at my dog that I hate him, not my finest hour but a bit scared of myself. I’m self medicating and a bit wobbly.  Feel free to tell me what’s going on in your world to distract. I always like to hear what’s happening for you 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Have you seen my coffee-art from this morning @Teej ?

Dogs are good at rolling their eyes and going, “Hunans !!” .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

[Teej]

No I didn’t @Faith-and-Hope. Where was it? 

I don’t have many words just now sorry

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s on the art thread, but I can post it again here .....

@Teej

I have been wanting to try painting with coffee, and this morning I did .... probably raised eyebrows in the coffee shop, but that’s okay .... they will get used to me .....