Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

Hi
I might be going out to dinner tonight. It will be with new people. I want to try to enjoy it and not focus so much on myself abd how i mught be perceived by the other people there. People will talk about my height because they always do. It makes me cringe because I feel like I should carry more weight being as tall as I am. I feel weak. I honestly feel like avoiding the experience but I know from experience that I regret doing that at all times. But I equally can't figure out how to make myself feel happy/satisfied with who i am. Avoiding the experience will do nothing for getting better.
How do i make myself feel better about myself?

[girl99]

@MDT

I understand how you feel as I tend to get quite anxious before going out socially too.  But you might have a good time, so it's maybe worth going and trying to enjoy yourself?  Maybe try not to focus on yourself but look at the other people you are with?

I worry about my appearance usually because I am quite depressed and unmotivated so to get dressed up and make an effort with my appearance is quite difficult for me. I'd rather just go in trackpants but then people make comments that I look like I just got out of bed.   I don't know exactly what to say to make you feel better about yourself but maybe just try to remember that we all struggle with how we look. If we are overweight we want to be slimmer, if we are slimmer we want to be prettier. If we have curly hair we want straight hair. If we are blonde, we want to be brunette etc. etc.   You said you are very tall?  I am the opposite as I am quite small and people make rude comments, so I wear high heels a lot to make myself look taller, but they are uncomfortable to walk in. 

I hope you can go tonight and try not to worry about what others think of you.  They are probably all worried about themselves too. There are many people in the world with lots of physical problems (wheelchairs etc.) who find it difficult to go out anywhere.   I think personality always outshines appearances and sometimes the most beautiful looking people turn out to not be the most interesting ones to talk to.  Maybe go out with the intention of making a new friend and learning something new about someone?  

Hope you have a good night out and can share something interesting with us tomorrow.

[TheVorticon]

Hey @MDT,

That's cool that you're preparing yourself to have a good time tonight. One thing that it might help to remember is that the other people will also be worrying inside about how they're coming across to you as well.

I don't really have any good suggestions because I'm not very good at conversations and stuff, and I always find it much easier if there's a proper activity rather than just a meal or drinks.

It's great that you're going to give it a shot. 

[MDT]

Hey @girl99 and @TheVorticon

i think the reason i am nervous and anxious is because i will be one of the only guys there in a group of 16 or so.. two other guys are going but one is already in a relationship and the other is gay i think. All of a sudden it feels like there is some sort of weird expectation to try to perform or be cool or something idk..
Being tall is largely a reason talk to me so i guess i just learned over time to accept that people will comment. I get overwhelmingly self conscious about it.
I think they will go out afterwards too which idk if i am keen on..
maybe if i just try focusing on the present moment it will help.. maybe embracing the fact that i am at a point where im even getting invited will help..
i worry about fitting in or not but i havent even got there yet
fake it til i make it can sometimes be helpful just for the attitudinal aspect of it... i mean they wont know that i actually have mental health issues..
they know virtually nothing.. only what i say and tell them..
i think the solution is "be". Just be whoever it is that i am.. They are about 3 years younger too so i feel like they will be highly erradic or excited.
See how my mind goes in all directions??
Just need to remember that i am not in control of how others perceive me. Simple.
Easier said than done. But i guess its my own journey really.
I dont wanna have to talk about being a virgin.. im worried about that getting out.. because my friends girlfriend knows and she is kinda spontaneous in that regard. I guess i can just brush/knock it off. I usually do.
Anyway. Thanks again.

made a new thread @soul @Shaz51 @outlander @Former-Member

[Shaz51]

Hello @MDT 

just try focusing on the present moment  will help. my friend , hope you do go  and ejoy it

[MDT]

im here but ithasnt really started yet... eekk

[Shaz51]

sitting with you @MDT :

[soul]

If you are feeling self conscious, the best thing to do is to direct the conversation to others. A lot of people love talking about themselves so start with the small talk. Seen any movies you’ve enjoyed lately? Been to any good gigs? What are you studying? Expand the conversation so the answers are not just yes and no. Ask what actors were in the movie? What did you like about it? And so on. Compliment them on what they are wearing. 

If they make a comment about your height, reply in the positive vein. Being tall is good for ......

It’s really great that you do have something to do on a Saturday night. Make the most of it. Just relax. Hope you enjoy it @MDT

[MDT]

im okay...
just really depressed..
ahhh i wanna go

[soul]

Okay @MDT - go to the bathroom, splash some water on your face. You made the effort to go out tonight. It’s still early so make the most of it.