questioning psych sessions

[outlander]

Hi guys

Im abit stuck with therapy and i was wondering if others might have some perspective.. 

Its taken me ages to find a good psych and we get on ok and she listens and wants to help but im not sure if im actually finding it helpful to be going. Im doing exposure therapy at the moment, and while it can be challanging i feel very 'meh' towards the entire therapy sessions. 

If i dont do therapy for quite a while i find i slip back quite alot but more and more ive noticed that the more help it have the less helpful i start to find it. 

Most of the answers that come out when she asks me things is 'i dont know'. im not sure what has gotten into me. even with the homework that she sets, its not that i cant do or want to do it, i just feel so unmotivated towards it i guess. 

Tomorrow im suppose to have a psych session but yet again i feel like cancelling it but i wont. ill at least go tomorrow. 

im not sure if that makes sense, but hopefully others may have a similar experience?

hope its ok to tag some of you here @Bunniekins @Owlunar @eth @Teej @Appleblossom  @Exoplanet @Sophia1 

[Owlunar]

Oh golly yes @outlander  - tag away -

If I get anything good out of the last therapist I saw it's that I am now aware that we have a right to our own perspective and are entitled to our opinions. This one would ask me a question and I am the kind of person who likes to think through my answer but she would ask another question on top of it and I got really "meh - meh" about the whole situation - I totally gave up on that therapist - thinking back - she was too fragile for my story which is a tough one - we are all like that here I think - and you know - we are entitled to feel whatever we feel.

So - going by what you write you need the therapy but the more you get the more unmotivated you become - I think you are saying it all becomes very ordinary - mmmm yes - very "meh" - I get it.

Perhaps you could discuss your attending less - you say you need therapy but it seems you are getting a bit too much for now.

I started to question the therapist I had before that last one - I remember saying that I could answer anything to her questions but what I say might not be the truth - it would be very easy to be agreeable with my answer even though I might feel very differently - her response was interesting and changed my sense of direction - she told me she has no way of knowing how her client interprets what she says - also - I was an interesting person who had challenged her from time to time -

I chose to give therapy away at that stage - over 2 years ago now - and she actually ceased to practise in Melbourne - and I was more alert to the fragilty in the last therapist I saw.

I can tell by how you right that you are an intelligent and self-questioning person - you don't take life at face value and you have come a long way since I have known you in the last couple of years - however you feel you are coming across as more self-assured though I have no doubt you are unsure a lot of the time. Perhaps everyone is.

But you raise interesting ideas in life generally and with your Exposure Therapy - and I don't know what that is but I guess it's getting out into the world and experiencing things you otherwise might not - your homework - and you are asking yourself something like - Is this worth it? Is this appropriate? Is this helping?

It makes sense to me for you to ask things like this - as I said before - maybe fewer sessions would help so you have time to process the homework you have to do - 

But yes - continue the therapy if you need it - when you don't - you will know

Dec

[BryanaCamp]

hello @outlander it is brave that you are doing therapy. It is not an easy thing to do as it exposes your own fualts to yourself & you have to take responsibility for them. That was my experience.

I have started lots of therapies with different practitioners but a lot of them fired me becuase I was too angry. I felt that they were light-weight and had no idea whatsoever what chronic trauma/violence I had been through growing up and could not handle my abuse history. I thought they were weak when the main reason I sought out therapy was to find someone stronger than me who would be on my side & be able to give wise advice & sympathise with me.

Fortunately I eventually saw a psychiatrist and it turned out that medication was the most helpful thing for my mental illness. All those years of agonising therapy and self-help were seemingly not the thing I needed, it was good medication. My psychiatrist told me that I respond unusually well to meds but the truth is that's the only thing I repsond to, I respond unusually bad to talking therapies of any kind - individual or group - and that's a tough fact to bear.

So I think the important question is, "what do you respond well to? what helps with your mental illness?" That is a very difficult question.

If you find that exposure therpay does not provide positive outcomes then it is reasonable to ask, "is this worthwhile pursuing?" But then if that isn't helpful then what is? Becuase you gotta have something that is helpful, right? I dunno, I find that my psychiatrist is positive and ambitious for my quality of life and so that's a positive influence in my life, it inspires me to grasp for a better quality of life for myself. It's a good relationship. So maybe ask yourself, is your relationship with your counseller inpsiring, is he/she a mentor in life, does he/she make you want to strive for something more? Personally, if a councellor isn't living life well then I have no interest in them becuase I already knoe how to life life bad with MI right?

[Appleblossom]

@outlander 

Exposure therapy in particular can be harder while you are going through it, but good in the long term, if you are able to cope better with things which had been old triggers.  Was it only working with dog triggers or other things as well ?

Some "putting up with" can be a fair ask. There are many things we dont understand and learning to expand our worldview can be a good ...

Mostly I believe its best if each person can direct their own development and find a person who is willing to work with you on that.  

If we put all the power onto the therapist, that is no good ... they are only people ... but they may have skills and ideas to help.

Motivation often ebbs and flows ...

Often I have to write things down so that I remember to ask them during a session.  

[outlander]

Hi @Owlunar
Trauma therapy is essentially just talking about the trauma and working through the triggers by exposing myself to them one/2 at a time through their desensiting skills. So for example, one of my homework tasks was to go through the internet and look at dog pictures, keep going through them until I feel my anxiety ease, then the next was to find a videoclip of puppies or dogs-whichever one invoked abit more anxiety, and essentially just keep watching it over and over and over again until my anxiety reduced and I get bored. Then it works up to the even harder things- so it goes in steps. Hope that makes sense....
I only have the 10 sessions (or 6 left now) for this year and to get the most effect im suppose to do the homework, come abck debrief, adjust, and work on the next step sort of thing but in shorter increments such as fortnightly. This seemed like the biggest thing to work on because while I have lots of surface stuff, that isnt going anywhere anytime soon so wanted to make some progress on the trauma stuff.
I guess its abit of a tightrope working on trauma things, trying to make sure I dont overstep but dont understep either and that is where she leaves it up to me. I dont know maybe im just over therapy and mental health andlife in general
I just cant find the motivation to look at pictures of dogs etc, its boring but if I do it it provokes anxiety which is what is suppose to happen.Confusing.


Hi @BryanaCamp
I am somewhat similar, im better on meds (when I have the right doses) than most other things. My medications do need looking into which im waiting on a new psychiatrist to get in contact. I really struggle with groups too, they keep telling me to do dbt in a group setting but im not into that.
I guess a lot of my problem is I havent had a steady psychologist, ive been through a lot but never lasting more than a few sessions either because we didnt click, there approach wasnt the right one or other reasons. This psych ive been with I think 5 sessions now as I started to see her at the end of my last care plan and we seem to get on ok. Talking things over and over and going in circles doesn suit me, I like to be abit productive with things and even though exposure is meant to be hard it is giving me a job to do (when I actually do it)
I dont like talk therapy all that much because of my home life either, I get the 'your not the mother' 'your mother should be doing that' and while yes im well aware of what my mother should be doing and doesnt being told that all the time just doesnt help at all.
Exposure is suppose to be really quite helpful in the long term as it works on the triggers and those sorts of things to become less sensitive to it so I dunno maybe its worth trying it for abit longer or making it harder or something.

Hi @Appleblossom
yeah I just picked one thing to focus on for now due to limited sessions and the dog stuff (and the habits ive formed, grown up etc) always tends to cause more grief then most other things. The thing is its abit boring, like it is but it isnt. Im not really sure how to explain it...
we work together and she usually leaves things up to me like knowing my limits etc and what I want to work on if we have time at the end of the session. Ive learnt not to put it onto a therapist, I dont really trust them even though we get along. i dont trust many, or i struggle to.

[Eden1919]

@outlander  I think you can get to a point in therapy where it has essentially done all it can for you. i dont know if that is the case for you but sometimes these things have limits and while they can be helpful at times they may just reach their limit of how helpful they can be. still if it isnt making things worse i would just try and see how it goes but if you feel it is making things worse then i would consider stopping or finding someone else. just because something is the standard "right thing to do" doesnt mean it is right or best for every individual so it is left to each person know themselves and what they need. 

[eth]

Hi @outlander  I can only speak from my own experience so please don't think I'm telling you what to do.  If I was feeling like you describe I would talk to my therapist about those feelings.  The EMDR I'm doing is a bit like exposure therapy in what actually takes place during a session.  If I have a bunch of current stuff that needs addressing I tell her and we pause the EMDR sessions for a session or two.  But that being said, I am now being NDIS funded for weekly sessions for a year so am not limited to the 10 with the MHCP that you have.  So ridiculous that the gov't only fund that much.  I understand you feeling you want to get the most from each session that you can.

So the crux of the issue becomes - are you better continuing with someone who knows you now, has covered all the introduction and background stuff, or do you feel strong enough to either cease therapy for a while or start with someone new who uses different methods.

I've seen quite a few psychologists over the years and would also add that they are rarely just a 'one show pony' - yours might take a different tack with you if you talk to her about these feelings.

Love xx

[Exoplanet]

Hello @outlander 

I think if your feeling 'meh' about the sessions, then perhaps they're not quite right for you. I saw a very patient lady for quite a while, I was lucky to find her. I think she did say what type of therapy she used, but it didn't sink in. She gave me 'homework' which I did, it gave me a reason to think; as I thought, I found I had things I wanted to say, so I'd write them down, like writing her a letter. So each session, which were about a month apart as I was paying for the visits & that gave me a chance to get the money together, I'd hand her the 'homework' & then the letter. One of the things that kept me going {I have stopped now, as I felt I had gotten back to me, how I was before the breakdown} was remembering I didn't have to do this, I went to her for help, I wanted to; I wanted help getting over a rough patch, I didn't expect a cure but I knew things were not the norm within myself. For me just the link with another Human Being was benifical, just having someone see that I seemingly didn't cope with just a spoken word, shaking & crying whenever I tried to do so; & still accepting me, still trying their best to communicate with me, was a huge help. So I guess my suggestion would be to write her a letter, maybe write word for word what you've put here, so she can have an idea what your thinking. Lots of love to you, I think your doing the right thing - in seeking help & even in questioning how that help is done

[Teej]

Hi @outlander 

I think over time you fine tune therapy a bit so you get more out of it.

My latest realisation is that it has to be important and relevant to you now for the motivation to be there to work on it. Sometimes you have to be ready for it. I had things that were supposedly on the top of my list but remained stuck with them for years. It wasn’t until I’ve been ready and more able to have I been able to work on them. For me now I have a list of the things that are causing dysfunction and I am trying to work on them, some weeks more successfully than others. I have a mind map that I take in every visit and those things I don’t feel I’ve addressed get put back on there automatically every time until I feel like I’ve adressed them in a way I can grow from. It also gives my psych a better understanding of the issues that I struggle with.

im wondering if a)it’s not affecting your day to day life and so only comes on your mind through therapy or an unexpected encounter (I’m not discounting the trauma associated). For me personally it’s the things that I struggle with everyday that I need to work on. My trauma stuff on happens rarely so it’s not on my mind all the time and I don’t experience flashbacks. If I did I’m sure that’s what I’d be working on, or b)that there are other things that are affecting your day to day life that would be more beneficial for now to work on, and that there might be more motivation for. 

I learned the long slow way that therapy has its has its greatest effect when you are motivated and do the work. I’ve watched people like @Zoe7 work hard to gain the rewards of therapy (and meds). I’ve used her success to inspire me and work harder to become unstuck.

On saying all this I wish you could have more that 10 visits because that is not enough at all. These are all just my thoughts and opinions and may not hold any relevance for you, I’ve been known to be way off the mark before :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Best of luck with it all. 💜🤗

[outlander]

thank you @Eden1919 @Teej @Exoplanet @eth  for taking the time to respond. im not really in a good headspace and cant seem to get many sentences out but ive read your responses ( @Teej  not on the wrong track either)