Difficulty talking to psych

[TheVorticon]

I seem to have a lot of difficulty in talking to my psychologist. I've been seeing him for almost 2 years (plus a longer history of having seen him previously) and it's slowly getting a bit easier but still doesn't always go well.

Apparently he finds working with me to be professionally challenging, so it's not just my imagination that things are difficult. I don't want to be difficult because I don't want him to hate working with me. So far he's still willing to be my psych but if he ends up not liking me then it'll be too upsetting to continue. But I'm very attached to my psych so I want to fix things and keep seeing him. 

Does anyone else have long term difficulties with talking to their psychs/counsellors/etc? I'm at the point where I'm now seeing a counsellor to help me handle things with my psych, and I think it might be helping a little. 

[Aniela]

Hi @TheVorticon

Sorry to hear that your psych made the comment you were "professionally challenging." There are no such thing as a "difficult client." There are only psychologist and patients that don't suit each other, or inexperienced/burnt out psychologists. I would encourage a discussion with him regarding how his comment made you feel. Perhaps tell him you are worried he doesn't like you and you're worried about being rejected by him. I have spoken to my psychiatrist (no psychologist) about feelings and perceptions I had about him. By being honest and speaking to him about it (which was nerve racking) ended up being the best thing I have ever done. If your psychologist responds badly, or makes you feel worse about yourself, they're simply not equipped, and don't have the knowledge and the skills to help you. It isn't about you. It is about THEM. 

[TheVorticon]

Thanks @Aniela.
I'm not too bothered by his comment because it's something I've been discussing with him over time, and it's one of the less upsetting ways that he's phrased the problem. I sort of know the way in which I'm being difficult, but I don't know how to be differently on a consistent basis. I can be more likeable some of the time but not all the time.

[Aniela]

@TheVorticon 

Well it's good you have been discussing it with him. 

I have trouble being consistent too. It's the nature of my illness. I'm not sure if it is for you too? Also, you don't need to be likeable to your psych. They're there to support YOU. 

[TheVorticon]

Hi @Aniela.
I don't think I have particular problems with being consistent. I think it was about trying something different (intentionally trying to be more likeable) but not being able to keep it going all the time.

In theory I realise that I don't need to be likeable for my psych. But for me, I do need to feel as though he at least can tolerate me as a person, and if I'm trying to be likeable then I can be more confident of that being the case.
The sessions feel better, in a more 'emotionally connected' sort of way, when I do that too... Except it means having to ignore other things that I'm feeling to be able to make that happen.

[Maggie]

@TheVorticon  I’m sorry your psych has actually said that he finds working with you ‘ challenging ‘.  I know you are attached to your psych, so I won’t go into the negativity I feel toward his statement.

Personally, I think we are all challenging, with or without out MI labels. Our differences, or ‘ challenges ‘, make us interesting. 

Deep down, I think you are teaching your psych a lot. I hope you can continue working together, you obviously get something from it, even though it is difficult. ( challenging).

Lots of 👋🏻👋🏻🎮🎮

[TheVorticon]

I'm ok with what he said @Maggie  cause I think (hope) he meant it in an "I'm also stuck and kind of not sure what I'm doing" explanatory sort of way, rather than a "this is your fault" blaming way. It's ok as long as he's willing to learn stuff and keep working, rather than giving up because it's too hard. He knows I've been trying to get outside help to deal with him. Next session I might ask if he's found any outside help for dealing with me.

At the same time, it's a bit hard to hear that there's something that weird about me. Which is why I posted this thread.

It certainly has been difficult/challenging for me to work with him too. Hopefully there's something good at the end of the tunnel, wherever that is.

Thanks for hearing me out @Maggie 

[Maggie]

@TheVorticon  It’s really good you can see things the way you do. And I agree, the ‘I’m stuck,’  is much better than ‘ its your fault ‘ stuff.

I honestly don’t think there is anything that ‘weird ‘ about you. One thing I have learnt to appreciate about my counsellor is, she doesn’t have all the answers. We are both happy to research stuff and talk through what we discover. She is happy in her skin though, I am not. It makes such a difference. I wish I could shed like a snake and grow another, but I’m stuck in this, and learning.

🎮☕️☕️

[TheVorticon]

I'm glad you have that relationship with your counsellor @Maggie. It's nice that you can both share things that you've researched.
Not being comfortable in your skin sounds hard though, and I can see why it'd be tempting to shed it like a snake if you could. One good thing is that there's no time limits on learning this sort of stuff.
I think the thing that I'm learning is whether it's ok to let anyone see certain parts of me. But mostly it seems like being lured into a trap where it's really not ok.

[Maggie]

@TheVorticonI get the ‘ being lured into a trap’ part. ‘ I think it’s got to be ok for you. I struggle with the attitude of not making progress by a given date/timeframe. Trust is a humongous bridge. It’s takes two to build, with can be one too many sometimes. It tends to come and go with me, never a place of arriving.

Anyway @TheVorticon , I hope light shines in places for both of us today. Dropping off a bubble tea ☕️☕️☕️.