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Brenno079
Casual Contributor

Why bother

So firstly thank you for having me here. But as usual life has been too hectic to to be able to get into it but it is what it is....  So I'm 45 years of age, single And doing life on my own .. no family, no friends and I've worked so hard my whole life to honestly say I'm sitting here right now with nothing to show for it... I've got a baby girl who is now 12 and when she was 3 and a half I found out she biologically isn't mine and I've been fight ever since to be a part of her life and she has gone through so much that a little girl shouldn't and I haven't been able to protect her or so anything. I've now moved to Queensland [edited by moderator] for a fresh start and this is the position I'm in again... It's heartbreaking...  So the question I ask is why bother ???? I'm trying to be positive to keep moving forward but I've really had enough... 

 

3 REPLIES 3
rav3n
Peer Support Worker

Re: Why bother

hey @Brenno079 welcome to the forums! lovely to have you here.

 

i'm so sorry to hear about how hard things have been with fighting for your daughter. i can see that you have so much love and care for her. 

 

moving to QLD for a fresh start sounds like a big change. perhaps this change can provide you a chance to rediscover yourself? you've worked hard and maybe now's an opportunity to try things differently, to take time and find new joys. you are allowed to feel exhausted and frustrated and heartbroken with the downs of life. but these feelings won't last forever, and things can and will get better with time. you don't have to move forward at lightning speed, you can take it one tiny step at a time too. you got this.

 

p.s. in line with our 'staying anonymous' community guidelines, we avoid sharing our location (you can mention the state) to protect everyone. so i've edited out the name of the region from your post 🙂

MJG017
Senior Contributor

Re: Why bother

Hi @Brenno079, welcome to the forum.

I was in a similar position when I was close to your age.  I didn't have any kids, but I had spent all of my life pretty much alone wondering what the point was or a lot of it.  I met my now partner when I was 43, which was my first relationship.  So i know things can change for the better, even after so long when things feel like they will never change.

 

I think it takes a lot of strength and adaptability to just pack up, move, and try to start again in somewhere new.  So maybe try to lean into these strengths and try to make some positive changes.  They don't have to be huge, but just small things that you feel will start to move you towards happiness in life.  For me personally, a big change was to start to see myself differently, to be kinder to myself.  It sounds pointless and such a small thing to do, but I found it changed how I interacted with people quite a bit.  I no longer saw my position as just to do what I could to please the other person.  Which I know now, if I had to do that I was wasting my own time. 

 

It can just take some small changes like this to have significant affects on our lives.  I've asked my self a lot of time "why bother?" and the answer has changed over the years.  It usually falls somewhere between "if I don't care, no one else will" to "because i deserve it!".  One thing I am sure of is that you're not alone in this and it's not any sort of failure on your part.  We all have things happen in our lives and things we struggle with.  Some people ignore them and spend their lives frustrated, other people try to figure it out and change things, even if it takes a lot of time.  Part of my own real changes was joining here and starting to share my own struggles.  So i see it as you've reached out here, which is a good start and an indication you're not in that 1st group.

Re: Why bother

Hey @rav3n

 

Thank you so much for your reply, it means alot because it just reminds me that I am valid in this world instead of feeling invisible... 

 

I appreciate your advice... 

 

And I'm hearing you when you say rediscovery but that's hard for me when I don't know who I am in the first place..  

 

I'm not a big fan of loneliness but what I'm finding that it's the only and best place to be ...

 

I know I'm sounding like a sad sack and I normally not like this but yeah definitely feel defeated at the moment and tbh I tojg feel like getting back up atm... 

 

 


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