Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

This is good timing for me.

[cloudcore]

@Former-Member it sounds like you have a clear idea of what you want for your life, I hope you are able to find a good partner and complete your MH cert.

Thank you for sharing @MDT . Birthdays seem to be tough for both of us hey, despite the differences in reasons we experience loneliness. Great point about social media too, I've definitely had to cut down my exposure to fb and instagram etc to curb feelings of loneliness. Well done for setting those boundaries for yourself, it's can be really difficult find peace when we're constantly flooded with reminders of things we are missing. What kind/good things do you do for yourself? 

I'm also wondering what character traits you are both looking for in partners, @Former-Member and @MDT ?

[Rhye]

@MDT , if I may...

[Former-Member]

 @cloudcore @MDT I know this is way too soon in a relationship, but considering the negativity in our lives. Which we do not want or did not ask for, as different as they may be, make a pact we will move on from this for the better and to keep working on ourselves in midst the turmoil. I wish the best for you guys, wouldn't wish MH on anyone - but I want to focus on positivity and a better tomorrow so cheers to that upto you guys I guess now...

[MIFANTCARER]

Hi @cloudcore 

Loneliness.. I have been alone for most of my life..  I was always the black sheep and was always over shadowed by my older sister and her achievements.  Then after high school I was overshadowed again by my career choice.  My sister went into medicine while I went into building and construction (its not a career for girls!)..  

I never dated any guys afraid to get in trouble by my parents and was travelling overseas building contracts..  I was never the girl that flirted or went out on dates..  I was the wing girl for guy freinds to find girls in the club.  Even going out with the girls I was the designated Bob because I dont drink.

Fast forward I started businesses and lost them.. changed careers 3 times and now a single mum and caring for my elderly parents who have early onset dementia and alzheimers.  

I am always caring for someone and always having to give up something for someone.. I feel lonely as I have never felt that love connection like my younger sister and well I never had any breaks from caring of others.

Loneliness to me is just dealing with everyone pain and no-one seeing you.  Smiling to let everyone know they are ok when inside your lost..  

This is what I think loneliness is.. 

[MDT]

Lol @Rhye
I like this and will use it

[MDT]

@cloudcore tbh I don't know exactly what I want in a partner. But I do know what I don't want. I don't want someone who is vindictive or who will seek to manipulate me because of my MH.
I want someone who can be empathetic. This girl I spoke to has her own troubles and I could relate to it. Which initially was a good thing but i see now how BPD operates and maybe it has taught me that I can't just be interested in girls who have similar experience to me.

Its hard.

[MDT]

@MIFANTCARER
You are one of those people who the world needs more of

[MDT]

Where is meaning to be found in connections with other people?

I opened my diary from my travels last night before bed and found myself reading through my entries.

It reminded me of how when I was in NYC I kept remembering and thinking it wouod be nice to be doing this trip with someone special and dear to me.

I also remember an old friend of mine who did exactly that with his partner. But months later I found out they had been fighting a lot while there. Perhaps it was a maturity thing idk. Both were young and made silly choices.

I guess when I was in NYC I was curious about the world and I still am very much curious. I learned on that trip, how to see myself as an individual.

But on that topic of loneliness and romance. I am actually reminded of my grandparents and my parents as well who both travelled in their youth together. I felt like I had missed out on this. But I do believe there is time still.

Taking all that into account - better to be feeling the raw feeling of loneliness and desire for someone else to have close to you than to fill that void with an attitude that says "anyone is better than nothing".

Yes I felt loneliness this year.

[Former-Member]

Well I guess I can work it on my own lol, just a difference of opinion I suppose and different values @MDT @cloudcore  thanks for opening up and I was just going with the flow I guess. @MIFANTCARER Good to know they're still good people out there - with good family morals.