Lived Experience Forum

[Teej]

Hey Bella @Appleblossom , 

it wasn’t too much information at all. Sorry for the delayed reply. 

You have had had so many roller coasters and triggers and good moments all mixed in. I hope the choir is still going ok. 

The zoo gig feels like it has been such a good outlet for you. I’d imagine there is lots of diversity in human and animal interactions (possibly hard to tell between them at times 😜)

I hope you can be more involved in grandchild’s life. I think the understanding of family and the generation gaps are making it harder for those connections. I think that I’m experiencing that with one of my sons gf. They need life to be about them and their way only. They are not yet mature enough to see beyond themselves and what family means. I get a little hurt but I know once they grow up a bit they might become more aware of the intricacies of family love. 

When we started on the forum I was an instant response but lately it’s been more like posting snail mail. 

I am feeling ok with my mh. It seems I go longer before the inevitable crash but its often not as intense. I’m also eating Keto. I think it’s helping my metabolism and energy levels. It’s still predominantly vegetarian Keto with some fish or chicken. It’s taking a long time to get my head around and I still crave sugar but the health benefits for me are helping me to stay disciplined (not often I can say that word and link it with me :face_with_rolling_eyes:😜)

Earlier this week I had gynae surgery which has gone smoothly. I have court in the next few days for property settlement. I will be very busy for the next month if it all gets signed off tomorrow. We will have a month to ready the house for sale. It’s a big ask. 

I hope you are going ok. Feel free to share how you are if you are up to it. I will always read it but sometimes not respond because of life circumstances. 

Sending you hugs and warm thoughts on this beautiful spring day. 💜🤗

[Teej]

Writing and posting at the same time @Appleblossom . Will read and respond to your new post now.

[Teej]

Oh @Appleblossom .

the ndis stuff sounds awful. I can’t believe they can’t make the system mh friendly and understand the tricky bits that tip us over, like not being notified of a cancellation. 

It was lovely to read of a female friendship beginning to blossom for you. You are doing well. I know it will always be a bit tricky but all the work and persistence you put in will pay off. You are so open to learning and understanding human relationships that you will continue to find openings to new ones. 💜🤗

[outlander]

@Appleblossom 🌼❤

@Teej 💜💜

[outlander]

@Appleblossom 

[eth]

Hey @Appleblossom   so sorry to hear of the sw no-show yesterday.  Outrageous.  I would get straight onto your coordinator of supports and tell them and let them know it is simply not acceptable and also tell them how it has affected you.  It is their job to make sure your requirements are clearly communicated to the sw's and their organisations.  You have a right to have advance notice of any changes.  I know how it feels coz I've had it happen.  You also have the right to tell you CoS you want to change to a different sw organisation.  
I really strongly suggest you check out HireUp.  The sw's choose their own hours, communicate directly with you, and are much more flexible and also more reliable in my experience.  Even if you have a CoS you are able to make your own bookings without having to go through them.  This is all possible if you are plan managed or self managed.  

Take care lovely xx

[Appleblossom]

@eth @outlander @Teej @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @frog @Former-Member 

Slept last night in my sons room.  Feeling oddly afloat and unmotivated, and less driven, or is that just cant be bothered. Not sure. 

At least it is not heavy down on my self or running, running from feelings.

King Cat just needed my butler door services, but told him I cannot go for walk or work in garden cos I am not getting dressed. Garden is looking fabulous atm but there a few areas needing work and a trim more than I can manage.  Nothing is pressing and I dont have to be a disciplined martinet.  Played piano ... some gentle scales.  Have not touched it much for a while.

Wondering if the most important thing to do know is to establish a support system that cocoons me.  Mixed feelings about being capable or being disabled and having services or just getting my act together.

Alexander Technique workshop from last weekend is still with me, gently allowing and giving permission for my neck to be soft and free.

Not forcing myself to get on with things.  Facing degree of aloneness and abuse and neglect in my life and why I am so weird.

[Former-Member]

@Appleblossom 

Sounds like a bit of clarity is going on within u which is great.

Your brain is sorting thru whats working what you want how u feel etc

Thats all good

I had a session a bit like that with psychologist today just analysing everything.

Ive heard good results from alexander technique

Glad youre getting some relief using it.

I have scholiosis so my body is contant work to keep mobile.

A story for another day.

[Teej]

Hey @Appleblossom ,

I think going with the flow and allowing yourself to have restorative time, however that comes, is good. 

For me there is comfort to having a support team I can trust. It doesn’t mean that I need them always but it has helped immensely to get through the tough times. I finally understand what it’s like to have support that works after many years of support that was probably more destructive. I don’t think there has to be abled or disabled. It just needs to work for you. All the ndis stuff has created even more harmful labels and boxes. It’s just paper work that you have to have to tick the boxes. It seems that the process however places too much emphasis on labels and nowhere near enough empathy or understanding of the difficulties for those applying or in the system. 

I dont think 'weird' by the way. Weird to me sometimes conveys a bit of insecurity about the person. I also think weird in the right context can be a term of endearment. I’ve been called weird by friends before but not in a condescending judgemental way. A teacher once told my friend that all my kids were quirky and at the time I felt a little offended. Ironically my friend had been told hers were too. The truth is that quirkiness amounts to being an 'individual' with passionate values and beliefs. I now see quirkiness as a desirable quality. My children’s so called quirks have become their strengths in adult life. I would put you in that quirky box. One that’s interesting and passionate and always curious. Someone I’d like to have conversations with. 

Im not dismissing your past or life experiences that have made your life very difficult. I could never do that. Sometimes those life experiences make things harder but sometimes having survived them and striving for the best life is an amazing feat and gives you unique insight and skills. I am so much a better person for having taken the time to share your story and understand your beautiful quirky traits, intelligence, passions and compassion and for having become an online friend. 

Hugs 💜🤗

[Appleblossom]

Thank you friends @Former-Member @Teej 

I settled on playing piano.  Maybe its time to slowly ease back into it.  Gently just for me. It has been a few years. No big pressures. A little every day if not too busy. Beethoven Largo e mesto. Mournful and slow and not too hard on the hands and neck.

So much musical competitiveness from my dear darling son, who reacted against others competitiveness, but felt "safe" competing with me.  First job as mum getting him off and running.  SO much in the air atm.  It makes sense for me to reclaim piano.

Thanks for reply

I feel brave enough to go to email and read reply from other grandfather ... re our new family member.

Gently Bently

Apple

Hugs