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16 Mar 2018 10:34 AM
16 Mar 2018 10:34 AM
Oh @eth
I am so sorry about the triggering of those memories. I think the brain works very hard to shield itself from such bad. But I do think it also has to take a lot of good to do so. If you talk to a Doctor I would say to try & talk about what you've remembered, it might help save the good. I still lose memory, I can't remember my child when they were little. I found a box of letters, full of love, from my child from their teenage years - I have absolutely no memory of them, all I remember from their teenage years is arguments & them leaving. Because my brain can not handle anything bad it has to take so much good. I know everyone is individual, but it's something I feel very strongly - I wish I had had the chance to get it out, my family was told never to speak of it - I think that let it continue.
I don't remember a lot about the years it took to get the pension. My Sister helped me, well she came into a job mob interview {I was with a disability 1 for years, on the dole for about 7} & the next thing I knew I was applying for disability pension. She was, I've forgotten what they're called {could sign the papers & make appointments & I had to get my money through her} & she did fight tooth & nail for me for a few years. I eventually got too much for her {or her for me} & I took her off, it was just after I did that that the pension was approved.
During those years there were endless meetings & constant appointments with Doctors. During those appointments I discovered she was helping me because she harboured great guilt for letting a man take me. She was playing detective {she was only 12} & scratched the number plate number on her arm & went straight to my Mother. My Mother didn't come after me. I didn't want to know that, I don't want to know that. It is too late now.
I really feel for what your going through. I know what it's like to try & get by on the dole, I honestly couldn't afford food, not even for my beloved dogs - they weren't just ribby, their backbones were sticking out - so shameful. Life is so much better now, not only can I afford food but I don't have to go to meetings or appointments, I would have taken less money for that. It is worth fighting for
Niqua
16 Mar 2018 12:43 PM
16 Mar 2018 12:43 PM
@Bunniekins @frog @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Phoenix_Rising @Former-Member @Former-Member thankyou all so much for your thoughtful responses here. I'm feeling so grateful to you all and for the existence of the forums. I will try to respond in more detail later, not really up to it at the moment.
16 Mar 2018 03:05 PM
16 Mar 2018 03:05 PM
@ethI am very sorry that you went through a coma and such extreme hospitalisations. Please don't think about it with shame but more clarity about the trauma load you have carried.
Paperwork is frustrating and I put it off too. Like you I received a HECS statement one day and was shocked. I paid a little but dont want to think what it would be now. SO although it is great that studies are encouraged people ought be a little more aware that the tax office may put its hand out eventually.
At one stage when I was tossing up about further music studies and one uni was about 10 times the other I was going to choose on the amount, but then they dropped the cheaper one, so decided I would get more out of doing various things in the community. To do an MA in music therapy would have cost me heap and I would have taken a pay drop from private teaching.
16 Mar 2018 03:55 PM
16 Mar 2018 03:55 PM
Hi @frog I also have an adult child who remembers a lot in more detail and sometimes all together differently from me. All I can do is accept their version, no point in further conflict about it, and in reality they are more likely to be accurate than me with BP psychosis and mania and flaring cPTSD at most of the times they refer to. And apologize, over and over again. They always tell me I did my best at the time and to take into account that I had no diagnosis through those years. I was also on medications to which I had adverse (mania) responses for over 20 years. So there is a degree of forgiveness, but they are now nearly 30 and have PTSD from their childhood traumas, most of which were related to poor choices and risky behaviours of mine.
Thanks for your words and sharing.
16 Mar 2018 03:57 PM
16 Mar 2018 03:57 PM
@Phoenix_Rising sending you strength and resilience on your journey through the steps you mention.
16 Mar 2018 04:08 PM
16 Mar 2018 04:08 PM
@Former-Member I'm so sorry to hear about the experience you had as a child. Your sister was probably your 'nominee' with centrelink. I'm glad to hear you eventually got the DSP. It makes a huge difference to my life too. I went from sole parent pension to carer's payment to DSP - haven't been in the workforce for many years. I had a very similar experience with my child, especially in their teen years. The worst event was them coming at me with a bread k***e - and they're legally blind so it was pretty scary. So many more stories I could tell about those years. I think I've described them elsewhere.
I'm losing track of what I've shared on here the last few days and what is mentioned in the statement for AAT/NDIS.
I plan to take a copy of the statement I've been working on to my psychologist next time I see her. She is being summonsed by my lawyer to report for the AAT appeal, and appear if we end up going to a hearing so I think it will really help her prepare.
Thanks for your sharing and caring Niqua x
16 Mar 2018 04:13 PM
16 Mar 2018 04:13 PM
Thanks to you too @Appleblossom for always caring and sharing. I've known you and @Mazarita for almost 4 years now. It's really nice to still have a connection with you. The longest and most open and honest and caring friendships I've had in at least a couple of decades.
16 Mar 2018 04:59 PM
16 Mar 2018 04:59 PM
Funny coincidence; today i returned a couple of picture books from the library. One was called Maralinga and I was thinking of you. There's lots we can learn from indigenous culture, if we can be open to it.
My Community Rehabilitation worker came today and admitted we probably wont get NDIS til 2019.
16 Mar 2018 06:39 PM
16 Mar 2018 06:39 PM
words cannot come to me to express such horror...
@Former-Member
again I am speechless...
I do hope that both of you find some sense of peace from people supporting you on here....
the NDIS is a disgrace to the already failing miserable public health system in this country...
I feel so much for all of the people who work so hard within the system and the very system dismisses all of their passion and efforts...
I have now ended up with my next contact request at the psychiatric ward in hospital scenario... to be the Director Of Psychiatry...
this is what all of the systems including the NDIS hope....make it so hard that they cannot endure any more and give up....make it hurt so much that they will not complain ...they will not be able to stand up for their rights...
reading what you and others are going through needs to be brought to the attention of the Minister of Health...
does this not come under the realm of maltreatment??
I am furious....I am over everything..
I asked today how long medication for certain condition in detainment takes to work...answer: minimum 4 -6 weeks sometimes up to 4 months...
next question from self: why does the law state that they can only keep them detained under initial inpatient detainment for 28days then?...does not connect...
answer: they give them said medication...then sedate them so that they are quiet...seen to be co-operative and coping...then discharge...this is why said specialist left the public system..had wanted to make a difference..
i cannot take on any more now though...I have to know my limitations...
so the system wins again...
16 Mar 2018 07:57 PM
16 Mar 2018 07:57 PM
Warm wishes @Former-Member I hear you and agree with a lot of what you've said. It's very difficult for family members to get communication from staff in hospital, and even rarer for the patient to have enough follow-up support after discharge. I'm proof. I wonder how different life would have been if both those things had happened in any of the psych wards I've ever been in.
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