Our stories
@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @greenpea @MDT @Appleblossom @Sans911 @Snowie @outlander @Teej @CheerBear and everyone else...
Today has been a real challenge. It was my final DBT and I am actually grateful that it has finished. I could not continue doing that and working as well - I just do not have the headspace or energy for both.
I saw my pdoc afterwards and she was concerned with how I have been feeling. She was hopeful that I would pick up after the last time she saw me but I seemed to be worse today. She has changed one of my meds as depression is setting in quickly and she wants to try to head it off before it takes hold. I was honest with her and told her I didn't want to get through the last couple of nights but we agreed that the pain was also affecting my thoughts in that area. I will start the new meds from tonight and hope for no side effects.
I can't have a day off work as I have no sick leave and if I don't work I don't get paid. ...and I am really struggling to pay what I need to right now. I did change one of my payments to monthly today so that will take a little pressure off but I still can't afford to take Toby and Cat to the vet - that will just have to wait until next month.
I also had my x-ray and that is being sent to the dentist so I need to call them tomorrow to see where to go from here. The pain is significantly lower today but still there. The AB seem to be working and the pain meds are really helping now - unfortunately they only last a couple of hours and then I feel it again so being very careful on how many I have and when.
I then had some really sad news that I honestly do not know what to do with just now - I think I am in shock. A very dear and respected ex-coworker passed away last night. She was always such a wonderful support to me when I worked with her but retired some years back. My mum was very close friends with her still and told me she always asked after me and wanted to know how I was going. I had the utmost respect for that lady - she was so warm and giving and taught me a lot when I worked with her. Some losses really hit hard and I suspect when this one sinks in that will be the case - pretty numb to feelings right now!
Maybe being numb tonight is a safe place for me to be. I cannot guarantee I can be here or respond to much tonight but I will do what I need to do to stay safe. Sleep is my priority as it has now been 3 days without much sleep and I cannot function if that goes on again tonight. The new med will be another factor. I havent had this one before and some of the possible side effects are similar to others that I have had so very worried about how I will react and in what state I will be in tomorrow. I would wait until the weekend but my pdoc and I are both in agreement that this downward slide has already gone too far and the sooner we get on top of it the better - and I honestly do not know how much longer I can feel like this - I know my signs and they are all there - one of the biggest is pulling away from the forum so all your continued messages and support mean so much. 
So sorry for your loss. But I am glad she was part of your life and was a wonderful support to you. You have such beautiful nature zoe- and I can see why she was drawn to you so much.
Is it combination of things that have triggered your depression- change in season, physical health, stress etc? Hopeful the change in med will help with your energy levels and put you back on a more even keel. Just hoping you don't have too much side effects from the new med. I'm a bit tired too this afternoon, I've had Kira to the vet and she needed emergency surgery but she is doing well and resting as I type this.
I will check back later to see how you're going if I don't hear from you hopefully sometime soon. But no pressure to check in sweetheart. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs...
