I don't know how to stop

[Manama]

So to start off I want to say Im not suicidal, if anything I know I need to be here for my kids.

• I'm a mum of 3 ranging from 11 to new born and have a partner although at the moment I feel alone. I have had times in my past where I would harm myself to stop all emotional pain.

That feeling has come back after all these years and I don't know how to stop it.

Last time I remembered getting like this I turned to drugs and alcohol to stop it and now for my children I couldn't do that.

I make sure everything I do can be passed off as an accident so my family/ partner doesn't notice.

I don't know how to ask for help and when I feel like opening up I end up feeling like a burden.

[Dreamy]

Hello @Manama I know this feeling all too well and I'm sorry you are going through this. Have you ever tried some alternatives to SH? There's many different things you can try that can help in those moments when you do want to harm yourself, things like flicking a rubber band on your wrist or holding Ice cubes in your hand. There's a list of things you can try on the lifeline website and google of course has many ideas aswell. 

Asking for help is hard but it's ok to need help, being a parent is hard work and when you feel alone (even if you have a partner) it can make things so much harder. Have you thought about seeing a gp and getting a referral to talk to a psychologist/counsellor? 

It takes alot of strength to reach out for support and you have done just that by sharing here so you should be proud of yourself. Please know that you are not alone and we are here to support you. Take care of yourself ♥️

[Manama]

Thank you, I will try some alternatives when I get into that headspace again.
I did go see my GP with the intention of seeking help but I freeze up and find other reasons for being there, I get embarrassed when I start talking about my feelings and shut down because of it but I will try speak to my doctor.

[Dreamy]

@Manama that's ok, even I froze when I saw my GP the other day. It happens we are only human and these are big things to talk about. Be gentle with yourself and I'm always happy to chat if you ever want/need to ♥️