How to cope with feeling alone in life

[Me]

I have no safety nest, no one to run to and I don't know what to do and where to start. 
I want to leave my husband but he is the only person I have in my life, I didn't realize how isolated I was. I have no money of my own, only joint accounts. I don't have any friends or family and with 2 young children as will I don't have the option of just leaving. 
I'm not sure if I can cope living in my current arrangement any longer though. 
I am regularly having suicidal thoughts because it's the only possible escape I can think of. I have nothing to look forward to in life and hate every part of who I have become. 

I just don't know what to do, where to even start. 
I am hopeless. 

[tyme]

Hey @Me ,

I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are for you at the moment. It sounds so difficult. Are you safe in your home at the moment?

As hard as it sounds, I'm wondering if the feeling is from within, rather than environmental? Have you spoken to your doctor about how you've been feeling?

Why I'm saying this is because I can relate to what you are describing. I was so miserable in my current situation that I ended up leaving everything, and moving interstate to 'start again'... and yes, it helped for about 6 months, but after that, everything went downhill again. I learnt then that I can't run away from myself. And if my issues have followed me, then I'm the issue.

Of course I'm not saying this is the same for you. It's just another perspective.

But yes, I hear how hard things are.