Lived Experience Forum

[HelloBPD]

Today is bad.
I don't want to get up to my 8 month old.
I've kept my 6 year old home from school because I don't want to get out of bed. My partner is at work until 4pm.
I'm laying here with my 6 year old on the iPad. He's "sick".

I don't want to get up. I don't want to do anything. I will feed the kids and lay down/go back to bed until my partner is home.

I have way too much going on at the moment.
I'm 10 weeks pregnant, have a 8 month old baby, have a 6 year old child.
Have depression, anxiety, OCD and borderline personality disorder. IM STRUGGLING.

My partner keeps saying he'll get his mum or my best friend to come over. NO. I don't want anyone to come over. I just want you home! I know he's making our family money but I can't do this right now.
I just want to sleep until I feel better.
I just want to get in my car and run away. Live in my car and just go somewhere. Where no one will find me!

I cannot live like this for the rest of my life.
I'm seeing my psychologist weekly, my GP weekly, my psychiatrist monthly and meant to be starting a DBT program in July which I'll probably pull out of.

IM 25!!!!! And I'm miserable! I'm so unhappy and just flat out depressed! :'(
I don't want to be here. I don't want anyone but my partners help. I just want to go somewhere and never return.
My kids are suffering from my mental health, my partner is suffering from my mental health and so are my family.

People say I'm brave for reaching out. But really. I just need to write this out in hope I'll feel better afterwards. Then the attention comes and I feel like deleting it because I don't want attention brought on me! This illness is so confusing. I'm really not coping!

[Phoenix_Rising]

@HelloBPD, I am on my phone right now and can't respond properly. However, I wanted you to know that I have BPD too and I hear you.

[Lunar]

Hi there @HelloBPD,

I also just wanted to let you know that I hear you, I hear how overwhelmed you are right now with everything that is going on, there is a lot. I am glad you are getting support for that as it is a lot to handle on your own.

I think what might be helpful is for you is to focus on just taking each hour by hour for now and really try to rest as much as you can, I can also see that everyone trying to help you is something that you aren't wanting except for just your partner right now. It sounds incredibly difficult, keep talking to us to just vent and get it out of your mind. Sometimes that helps.

Lunar ❤️

[Change123]

@HelloBPD

Hi, so sorry you are feeling like this.  I have BPD and have gone down that road as well and even though I dont have kids I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting to get away and basically hide under a rock and have everyone leave you alone. Life just seems too hard and unfair BUT it does get better with work

Keep venting on here but please dont pull out of the DBT course, I have done this and it does help.

Just keep focusing as Lunar said hour to hour and we are all here for you.

[basmanjas]

Sorry it shall come to pass believe in God