Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

Hi everyone im wondering if anyone could give me suggestion advice on either earning my mother and sisters respect or any advice on general?

Here's just one example can provide a heap more. .

But my computer was going flat snd i asked my 24 yr old sister if she could grab my comp charger
She said no so i said please ive been doing your horse all day (her horse is sick and needs treatment 3-5) times a day) could u get it for me and she just sat there i waited a minute to see if shr was waiting for an adf but nope. snd she Does it everytime i ask something plus my younger sister as Well shes 6 so i dont ask much of her Only simple things and rarely


@CheerBear @Former-Member @Pepsimax @Owlunar @BlueBay @Mazarita @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Former-Member

[outlander]

14 not 24

[CheerBear]

I think the forum just ate a post of mine @outlander in response to this. Or I just posted some long post that is only relevant here, somewhere totally random.

Help please?!!!!

[Former-Member]

@NikNik @Former-Member - has @CheerBear s post ended up somewhere for review somehow or is it a forum glitch tonight?

[CheerBear]

Thanks @Former-Member - I worked it out.

I replied to the same question on another thread @outlander. I get so confused sometimes when I read the same things across different threads. I saw your tag in the other thread, replied there, then once I'd replied got your tag for here too.

Sorry NikNik and/or other moderator 🙂

[outlander]

@CheerBear said:
@outlander - the first thing I can think of i response to this question might sound a bit harsh, and apologies if it does. If it was me, I wouldn't try so hard to gain respect from your sisters. At six, your youngest is probably kind of still working out the idea that the entire world doesn't revolve around her. As for your oldest sister, I know lots of teenagers, myself included, probably struggle/d a lot with showing respect to siblings. As for your mum, well that seems like a very complicated, tricky relationship, with lots of issues happening for both of you.

Something that's taken me ages to learn when it comes to relationships, is that it is much easier to change something about myself, than it is to change something about someone else. So with this one, rather than trying to gain the respect of your sisters and mum, it may be easier to flip that around and figure out how you can manage yourself with the lack of respect you feel from your family. Just something to think about maybe?

The other thing I'm thinking here is that 'gaining respect from' seems a bit hard to understand or make sense of. Maybe you have a clear idea of what this is to you, but I don't know what this means to you, and that's what matters. If you aren't clear yourself on what you want, then it won't be easy to identify how to get it.

So what does 'gain respect from' actually mean to you? What would it look like? From your mum and from your sisters?

[outlander]

Sorry @CheerBear something keeps going on with the site fpr me tonight and i was trying to get it to work to remove the post as i started this thread but u wrote before i could get it to work

[outlander]

@Former-Member said :
Outlander
There's some things you have no control over , except get your own life,get stronger, learn to take time for you which I know is easier said than done

[Former-Member]

Hello Outlander,

Lots of love and hugs for you ❤️

I don’t have much advice for earning respect from others, I’ve never got the knack of that myself. I think it has a lot to do with the amount of respect you have for yourself. When I think of the things I’ve let people do to me, it makes my skin crawl! I think it comes down to what you allow. Have you ever heard – you have to love yourself first to love another? I think it’s the same with respect. I think when you allow negative things to happen, people sort of learn they can do things to you (e.g. not help you), and I think that causes people to lose respect for you.

I know standing up for yourself can be impossible, it can feel just too hard, but I think it’s the only way to gain respect; because then people learn you will do so and they can’t do negative things to you. It sounds harsh because it is, and balancing the harshness with gentleness is a constant confusion. I think a person needs to draw their own line, where they will or will not tolerate things – it’s a very personal line. For instance, I would not feel somebody not getting a charger for me was worth the battle, but a Mother putting the responsibility of their youngest child on me, would be something I felt strongly about and would feel it was worth the stress of the battle of saying ‘this is not right, I will not tolerate it’.

I didn’t realize the horse was your Sister’s, I’m just making stabbing guesses in the dark here, but I think you do too much for those around you, you’ve taken on too much responsibility and it’s become expected. Changing the expectations of those around you is a very difficult task, but a very important one if those expectations are adversely affecting your day to day life. Perhaps you could start by being honest and telling your Mother and Sisters that you do not feel respected by them? It may not seem like it, but that little peep could be the beginning of you standing up for yourself.

Sending even more love and hugs to you ❤️

(and please disregard any of this that doesn’t sound right, my brains gone into muddle mode and I may not be thinking right 🙂 ) @outlander

[KD2016]

The issue of "Respect".

This is a good question you have raised, Outlander.

I used to think that respect could be earned. That it is a dividend one received in return for hard work and time invested in a relationship.

Guess what? I was wrong. It may be a dividend; but, it need not be returned at all.

I am given no respect by my wife's side of our family. Why? Because they only respect their own side of our family. Years & years I have invested in being amendable to my wife's side of our family, and I have been long suffering of the humiliation my parents' in law inflict on me.

My offering to you, my friend: Carry your dignity and know that you are worthy of respect, even if you do not receive it from others.