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WishBear
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Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hi there, I'm new here and to all of this.... and it's taken me quite a bit to write something. I'm not really sure where to start but I'm going to give the absolute shortest version I can. 

My partner has been experiencing delusions for sometime now and it has been getting increasingly worse. 

Unfortunately now most of his delusions involve me in a very negative way.

It's been absolutely heartbreaking on many different levels and I am struggling myself quite a lot at the moment. 

I feel like no one really understands and it's been quite isolating.

I would appreciate any advice or tips anyone has for caring for a loved one going through something like this? Or what do you do to keep yourself healthy and sane? 

Once treatment is given to my partner will he realise that these delusions aren't real? 

This is a new world for me and right now I'm feeling a bit lost. 

 

 

 

 

 

8 REPLIES 8

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hi @WishBear 

Welcome to the forums.

It is difficult and I hear you.

Is your partner willing to get help?

I definitely suggest you also seek support. You can get a mental health plan from your GP to see a psychologist. Someone to confide in and to help you navigate this difficult time. If you put a @ in front of our name it will tag us in the response. I'm glad you found us. In here you are never alone and surrounded with others who get it and understand. Hugs and good luck 🤗🌹

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hi There,

I am also new to this forum but unfortunatly not really new to what you are saying and your feelings about it. My husband of 23 years has recently been disgnosed bi polar but has struggled with this for many many years and was treated as depression. When he has bad days i am totally to blame and he is nasty and vicious, and it hurts a lot. I cant give advise as to how to deal with it as i deal with it differently every time and there are even times that i just want to curl up and others when i want to run, but i can say you arent alone and the good times are worth the tough times mostly. Feel free to reach out 🙂 

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hi WishBear,
 
I've experienced something similar with my son. Lessons learned at the time were not to argue with the delusions, not to take them personally (and that is really difficult), withdraw if it all gets too much, have others around who can help.
 
It took an episode of psychosis to get us to the point where he was hospitalised. Getting a diagnosis, then finding the right medication and dose was difficult and time consuming. However, after many years and several relapses, we've made some progress. 
 
He needed a psychiatrist, a (clinical) psychologist and medication. We also needed the CATT team (crisis and assessment treatment team) when it all got out of hand. 
 
As carer, family support, timeouts and a good clinical psychologist have helped. GP/MHCP is where to start, and you can research suitable psychologists in your area. Some of them bulk bill and the maximum number of available sessions has been increased due to Covid. Unfortunately wait lists have also increased.
 
My son's diagnosis means we're in this for the long haul, no quick fixes. Once your partner is diagnosed, you'll have a clearer picture of the path forward,
 
All the best.

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

hello and hugs @WishBear@Buckly@Anastasia@patientpatient HeartHeart

how are you today 

one thread is called Carers Hints and tips to Success 

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hi there, 

I understand your pain. My ex partner of a year who I was very much in love with suddenly had a first episode of psychosis last year, seemingly out of the blue (although I can look back now and see warning signs but it would have been impossible to predict regardless) and it still haunts me today. We had a seemingly healthy relationship - never fought, discussed things calmly, mostly just laughed and enjoyed each other's company and it was starting to feel really serious with a lot of long term potential. He expressed wanting to live together soon and then soon after became manic and eventually hospitalised for psychosis. Thankfully, with medication he stopped having psychotic symptoms quickly but recovery is a long road and he wasn't quite the same after - it may be some time until your partner is back to full health again. 

 

As you've mentioned, this is particularly difficult because it feels isolating. I don't know anyone else whose partner experienced psychosis (or it's just not something people share so I wouldn't know even if that was the case) so it's hard for my family and friends to relate when I've sought their support. It's not something people are comfortable talking about and the privacy of the partner is also important so it's also hard not being able to talk to everyone about the psychosis. I just say 'my ex partner was struggling with mental health'.

 

What helped me during his recovery phase, because I intended to stick by him after his episode, was exercise. I took up running and did yoga sometimes. I also booked myself in straight away to a psychologist to handle this experience which I'd recommend. However, even with good self-care it was still the most emotionally traumatising thing I've ever experienced - and still is, as I try to undertand what happened and what to believe. That's the hardest part. e.g. do I believe his wish to live together and that he loves me and has never trusted anyone as much as me, or his poor treatment of me and lack of care he expressed before the break up? Do I believe the beautiful or the horrible things he said to me while psychotic? What was true? What was him and what was his illness? He told me horrible things during the episode like 'I didn't mean it the first time I said I loved you' 'I think I need to leave this relationship' and he accused me of not trusting him because I wouldn't get drugs from a doctor to give to him. But then he'd call me the love of his life and say I had a heart of gold. I got through it by dividing his personality into 2 people - the psychotic stranger and the man I loved. But it was very hard as the line between the 2 became blurred during his recovery when some themes during his psychosis bubbled to the surface again while he was on medication. 

 

He actually broke up with me 4 months after his episode (citing possible relationship OCD, nagging doubts we're not right for each other for shallow reasons, and the fact he was unwell which I fully respected/accepted because he wasn't emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship at that time and it was starting to give me panic attacks and anxiety at night). It's important to ask yourself if you're better together or apart during this time, as soul-crushing as I know that question is. Please put your mental health first and acknowledge your needs and, once your partner stops having psychotic symptoms, communicate a lot! Ask the difficult questions and share your needs while still acknowledging his needs. I put my ex's needs before mine and could have avoided prolonged anxiety and stress if I'd pushed him to be more honest with me about what he needed - which was to be alone with his family right now.

 

I think what has helped me the most is telling myself: "there's nothing for me to do now - I can be a good partner but I'm not responsible for his mental health, I'm not qualified to handle an illness like this so I should forgive myself for not handling things 'perfectly', it's not my job to understand what's happening in his mind and I don't need to stress myself out trying to unpack or solve what's going on because it's impossible". Know that you can only do so much. It brings some relief to practice acceptance of the fact that you won't fully understand what is happening, why it's happening, or what you can do. But neither did my partner, he was just as confused - I do still feel a lot of empathy and love for him and really hope he's ok. You can offer support, be loving, but ultimately this is a situation that you have limited control over sadly. And also remember - mental illness is no excuse for treating a partner badly or with a lack of care or love, even though this is a special circumstance and some allowances will need to be made.

 

Take care and I hope your partner recovers quickly and feels better soon. 

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hello,

I am new to this site and could not work out how to post so hence am replying to this post.

I have a son who had his first psychotic episode related to cannabis use almost 3 years ago.

He has had around 6 hospitalisations since and the support of a wonderful team from the Early intervention psychosis program. We have also been fortunate to have the support of the home treatment team in the last 6 months post discharge and preventative measure. He was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder and most recently schizo affective disorder. He has anxiety and depression.

Our son continues to rely on cannabis and now alcohol and was recently informed that he will at some stage not respond to his medications and develop schizophrenia if he continues to use both cannabis and alcohol. I recently sought assistance from a counsellor for myself and my husband and I are due to visit next week. Her suggestion to me was to have him leave home as he does not have to face the world while we are protecting him. The Dr's have recommended he go into Rehab but he adamantly refuses to do so. Tonight post hospital discharge and almost 2 weeks home with daily visits from the Home treatment team we found him again stoned. He says it is reward for a hard week in which he has had no alcohol? and been to Men's shed and soccer today. He says he loves a "smoke and a beer" and has no intention of going into Rehab or giving up. My husband is not coping and was very angry this evening and I have suggested he needs to leave home because we are not helping him. I am so tired of tears and the fear of losing my son....any ideas are gratefully accepted.   

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

I just read this and started crying because this is exactly what I've been going through over the past few weeks. Thank you for sharing the tips on accepting this situation. It has been incredibly heartbreaking. 

Re: Advice - Dealing with psychosis and delusions - struggling

Hi @ferngully , it sounds like these posts have been really meaningful for you. I'm glad you found this space 💛

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