Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shimmer]

Hi @Annieabella,

Welcome to the Forums! 

Setting boundaries and handling conflict can be so difficult in relationships, and especially when BPD is involved.

Good on you for reaching out for support and tips on the Forums - lots of members here have been in similar situations, and I hope you will connect and share strategies with some of them!

You may want to start a "New Discussion" to tell a bit more of your story and get some more targeted responses. In the meantime, you might find some of our Topic Tuesday discussions useful, such as "Setting Boundaries" and "Managing Relationships".

Once again, welcome @Annieabella, I look forward to 'seeing' more of you around!

Shimmer 

[Amber1]

Hi Annieabella

I found it was the worst time to talk or try to resolve conflict when my son was upset and going through a bad time. His emotions were so disregulated it was useless trying to make sense. Much better to wait until he'd calmed down. Validating her pain and emotions works too...I give my son a big hug and this seems to help. I say to him "it must be so had for you at the moment and I'm here to help if you need it". This is hard to do when they are cruel and violent. I am aware of triggers that I may commit so steer clear if possible. Invalidation is always a disaster and I did that all the time until I learnt behaviour to help me. Support groups and BPD Carers' courses were invaluable.

Such a difficult and frustrating journey.

[LustStarrr]

Hi @Annieabella, just wanted to add something in regard to @Former-Member's post. . . this is a really great excerpt from a book r.e. boundaries & Borderline, by a guy called Bon Dobbs: http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/wrong-boundaries-bpd/ I highly recommend his books, blog, & attitude - wholehearted support & love, despite the difficult times, because you know that your loved one is worth it.

[Former-Member]

@Jayne123
This thread might also help you.

[elephantdance]

Hi community,

I’m new to the forum, I saw reference to some videos with practical strategies for ‘validation’... but I can’t find them again now, could anyone please point me to them? My Mum is long-term undiagnosed BPD (I think) and I’m looking for some help with more strategies to help me address her underlying needs while still protecting myself... Thank you 😀

[Rosa]

Firstly ed in the world of mh doctors find it quite out of order when any
one one thinks they know anything about diagnosis.
Mental wellness is something they cannot fathom as that would make them
unemployable. Focus on wellness is a big ask when mood swings are severe.
Diabetics can vouch for this.
Did you know that high ph or parasite infections & hormones are all know
causes for mood swings. Explore the world of wellness before considering
mind altering drugs. The challenge of cost for self funded testing is worth
dodging the mi trap.
Good luck & all the best

[Winterz]

You are right BPD is so complex and every person that has it is different, even though they might share some commonalities.

I have BPD but I have it pretty well managed these days. If you have any questions I might be able to help although I can only speak from my own experience and knowledge of course.

[Winterz]

DBT worked wonders for me. I hope he has the same fortune and can embrace it.

[elephantdance]

Dear Winterz,
Thank you so much for your reply!
I have been reflecting on the importance of validation in my communication
with my BPD family member and wondered if you could help with ways of
phrasing and expressing validation that might be most helpfully heard or
received... if that makes sense.
I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Thanks