Acceptance is hard work

[Jynx]

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@MissinTooth wrote:

@Jynx this is what I've slowly been working on when I need something to help keep my hands busy....

 

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@MissinTooth SOOOO PRETTY!! eeee ty for sharing! Love the colours 😍

[tyme]

Hey @MissinTooth ,

How did you feel about the appointment?

[MissinTooth]

Hi @tyme how's your Saturday going?

I don't know. It was a lot and my brain's still trying to process it. It wasn't what I expected - and it got big quickly. It was kind of confronting in a way. 

[tyme]

Is there anything you want to unpack here @MissinTooth ?

It sounds like it was pretty heavy. Sometimes, I found writing things down helpful - before and after sessions.

I just want to acknowledge that this was a big step for you, but well done on giving it a go!

[MissinTooth]

@tyme I don't know whether you saw it, but I tagged you in some details about it, following the appointment last night. It's in the posts above. Just so that I'm not repeating myself. 

It's a huge step, thank you for acknowledging it. 

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I'm feeling pretty...low today. I've not managed to get much done today. 

[tyme]

Sounds like a bit of a pandora's box being opened @MissinTooth . I've just read the posts above. 

Sometimes, it may be good for a psych to share they are a little out of their depth - it doesn't mean you are 'too hard'. For example, I used to have 2 psychs at a time. I'd work on one with one psych and something completely different with another - this is because I know who is better at what. I benefitted from both, but in different ways.

Oh, and there are some psychs I don't agree with, but it doesn't mean I don't agree with EVERYTHING. So I tend to take what works and leave what doesn't. I wonder if there's something you can takeaway from this psych?

Also, I know he said you are pretty burnout from teaching... but then again, if you don't teach, you can't sustain yourself and then there are ripple effects on mental health... right?

So I see how hard things are.

Please know you are not alone. Stay connected hun. I look forward to the forums community being able to sit with you through this.

[MissinTooth]

@tyme the gremlins won't let me support posts today.

The take away - I learnt a lot, it's just that some of it is hard to sit with. It feels very much like I've been hit with the truth stick and have been made to confront things that I have been avoiding. 

I don't sit comfortably with a few things - like maybe me feeling like I'm going to be too challenging, and once he told me it was "weird" that when I was out and about, I felt disconnected from everyone else because he goes out to feel connected with others. And the fact that he's not convinced that the meds aren't going to make things harder for me in terms of disconnecting from my emotions. And it might not be a matter of me just thinking I needed to adjust to them Maybe they're just points that make me feel a little vulnerable, or hit at something within me? And not necessarily what he said - maybe it's my reaction to what he said? 

That is true If I don't teach, I can't sustain myself but it also goes deeper than that. If I don't teach, I don't know who I am.

I will try and stay connected tyme. 

[tyme]

I think that's important that you can come away and say that you've learnt a lot. 

Now with each learning, is there an action from it?

When I used to have appointments, I would write down what I learnt then focus on the action until my next appointment, then report back on what I did. Sometimes, I feel they want to cram in as much as they can because sessions are so costly. You then have time to digest until your next appointment - but this is only my experience.

When I read your posts, it feels like you at at the stage where you are ready and able to make changes (even if the changes are hard) - please correct me if I'm wrong.

You will know in your gut whether this psych is a good fit for you. 

I often say that change is hard. And if a sessions causes a change to happen, then it's bound to have some level of discomfort. But if the level of discomfort is way too much, then it's important to speak out because it can then be re-traumatising.

I believe in you @MissinTooth . I have full faith in you.

[MissinTooth]

@tyme An action? Well, I've been tasked with journalling every night. Just simple questions that are kinda hard for me (what am I feeling? Why am I feeling that way? What are my emotions trying to tell me?). He talked about exposure...and trying to expose myself to things that cause my anxiety...but he also thinks that I've reached my tolerance level there. He talked about maybe taking myself to a show, or an art group...or something like that. 

He talked a lot about the fact that I use distractions as a way of avoidance, but not sure yet what to do with that, because sometimes, it's all I know how to do to keep myself safe. 

I also did Smiling Minds in the early hours of this morning, for the first time in a couple of weeks. Kinda maybe see that as a positive. 

I've also booked again for next month. 

I am ready, but also tentative and maybe need to acknowledge that small steps are okay to. 

[tyme]

Yes hun.. small steps are totally okay! @MissinTooth 

I've still been doing Smiling Minds each night. Not sure of my streak at the moment. I haven't checked. 

Out of everything he said, even if you take one element, that's okay. You don't need to do EVERYTHING. That would be too overwhelming!

Anyway, I'd better go and take these kiddos out. I'll see you next time I'm on. Feel free to share your goals for the rest of today, and/or tomorrrow, and I'll come back and check. 

I'm going to take the kids out somewhere (park?), then maybe go out for dinner tonight? Not sure yet.