Lived Experience Forum

[RainbowDash]

This is all a bit new to me so if I’m all over the place I apologise. I will try to keep it simple and not babble. 

I have BPD, MDD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Phobia and traits of OCD and ADHD. 

I work in Hospo - go figure. But I put on a mask, I play a character, and I love what I do. 

Dec 21 - I quit my job of 4 years after the toxicity got too much. And by quit I mean I epically rage quit on the spot after getting into an argument with my supervisor. It was a multi departmental international company. I spent 8 months in 2020 on paid stress leave due to workplace bullying that was never really resolved when I returned to work. 

Within 12 hours I had been offered a new job. A smallish venue with 30 staff maybe. Run by a committee. Not really my ideal venue but that’s ok. Let’s call it Venue 1

April 2022 I was approached by the owner of a small family run venue and offered a job. Ideal venue. Venue 2. 

I was offered a full time contract at my interview that would start in May due to my limited availability for April. Contract kept getting put off until “next week” before I was eventually told it would be August and was always going to be August and the boss said he had never mentioned May. Gaslighting.

Lazy rostering resulting in me not being rostered 2 Saturday nights in a row. All good, whatev’s I picked up both Saturday nights and my old venue who are always short staffed. I’ve been doing the odd fill in shift since I started at the second venue. Maybe 1 or 2 shifts every couple of weeks. 
Boss finally realised last Thursday and told me he needed me to work both of the Saturday nights - fully booked, functions ect. I told him I had already picked up shifts elsewhere. He threatened to call the manager of the other venue and tell her I can’t work there if I couldn’t get the nights off. I told him I couldn’t get them off. Thankfully He didn’t end up calling.I don’t know if he was serious or not, social cues are not always my strong suit.

But he is now questioning my loyalty to his venue, even though I always prioritise his roster.

My daughter also works at this venue now as an apprentice. I’m constantly told that I need to separate work/home which I try really hard to do! But I’m constantly being asked Mum questions while at work by the boss, or being given unsolicited “parenting advice” usually in front of other co-workers. Everyone refers to me now as “Daughters Mum” not my actual name. But I’m supposed to separate work/home.

He has told me repeatedly that I need to grow up and act like an adult, not because of anything I do at work but because of how I spend my free time/breaks. Complete Disnerd and Potterhead. 
He knows I have mental illness. He knows what they are. I disclose it to every employer.

Is any of this even a thing? Does it fall into harassment? Or discrimination? Or am I just being emotional and dramatic? Do I quit my job? Or try to talk to the boss man? 

[Historylover]

There are no words for what so many of us here are subjected to @RainbowDash. Discrimination, harassment...bullying? It's no wonder we get overloaded sometimes with what is done to us.

You sound very patient, tolerant, hard-working and understanding to me. Stay strong.

[Eve7]

Good morning @RainbowDash  and welcome to the forums. I hope you find lots of supportive people here.

Your situation sounds tough and it appears all too common in workplaces today that these don’t get resolved.

I’d suggest trying to discuss it with the boss but only if you feel safe doing so. I try to have goals outside of work just to give more meaning to my life other than “ eat, work, sleep” if that makes sense so work is never my whole focus.

Take care 💜

[Christheart]

@RainbowDash I'm so sorry things are so hard for you right now. Toxic workplaces are horrible for mental health. I don't miss hospitality at all. I work with special needs people now and there's much less pressure and less toxicity. 

I'd recommend it for anyone who feels a bit like an outcast, because people with special needs are so accepting and loving. They're such good people to spend life with. 

I hope things improve you you soon, 

Much love

Christheart

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @RainbowDash it sounds like you're putting up with a lot at work. What you've described doesn't sound like a fair way to be treated in the workplace or any place really. Unfortunately it's not uncommon, I have been a part of many toxic work places and it wasn't until I started working in mental health that I found my own mental health was respected.

I'm wondering if having a chat to someone at 1800respect would be helpful as it sounds like you're a little unsure about some aspects and they may be able to help you unpack it a little more? They don't specialise in workplaces as such, but it says on their website they can support people experiencing difficult relationships in the workplace, as you deserve to feel supported and respected in that environment. Hope that helps! 💝

[Historylover]

Nice to see you out and about again today, @RainbowDash. Just sending a cheerio. Hope today has been a good one for you.