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Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

I am so pleased you were able to visit your parents. @Former-Member

Sending ever so gentle thoughts your way to you and Holly.

and I agree with what @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @Determined, @Zoe7 have said

Hugs @Former-Member HeartHeart, my mum has fallen 3 times this week

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

Thinking of you @Former-Member

 

 

 

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

@Former-Member Just caught up on all that's happening in your life and your family. I'm so very sorry to read so much is weighing on your shoulders. Oh @Former-Member sending warm thoughts. So wish it could be more. 💜💜💜💜💜

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

Hi everyone @Maggie @Former-Member @Determined @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope.  Thanks to all of you for your supportive posts, and my apologies for not updating my thread before now.  Its been another hectic couple of weeks.

 

Since my last update 12 days ago, a few things have changed.  My Dad was meant to be discharged from hospital on Monday 5th November, but that didnt happen.  A few days before that, Mum had a fall at home which resulted in several spinal fractures. She was simply not capable physically of assisting Dad at home.  So the hospital refused to release Dad into Mums care. She is meant to be doing nothing, other than bed rest in order to hopefully allow the fractures to heal. Meanwhile she is in a lot of pain and is on strong opiate pain meds.  Thankfully the nursing home room offered to Dad the week before, which he refused at the time, was still available.  So after much discussion and reasoning with Dad, he finally agreed to go into care.  It was the only way he was going to get out of hospital.  As far as Dad is concerned he is there for 2 weeks, then is going home.  Unknown to him at this stage is that he is actually there as a permanent resident, the only way they would accept him. The Manager is aware of this and at the end of the day they cannot prevent him leaving if he chooses.  But for now, thats where he is and he is being well cared for.

 

As for my Mum.  Well, I mentioned last time here that she has been plainly struggling to cope at home, and even more so now that Dad is not at home any more.  My brother has been in town almost every day since I was down there, firstly to  convince and organise Dad into the Nursing Home, then to care for Mum since her fall.  She cannot drive, so my brother is doing shopping, chemist, cooking, everything.  However, he runs a farm and they started shearing this week, which means Mum wont have any daily support for a couple of weeks starting yesterday.  We were so very lucky that the Nursing Home manager offered Mum a respite bed for a month at the same nursing home that Dad is in.  Perfect ... it means it will help Dad to acclimatise and settle in .. hopefully so he realises it really isnt such a bad place to be.  Plus we know Mum will be looked after.  Mum went into the nursing home on Monday this week, when the room became available.  Such a relief to know both Mum and Dad are safe and well looked after for the time being at least.  Although this is still a temporary fix, it at least means I can finally take a deep breath and relax just a little.  At least when it comes to that side of things.

 

Hubby is another matter entirely.  He has started the Parkinsons medications, which for the first 2 weeks had no noticeable effect.  Though it was a very low dose to start with, recommended to allow the brain to adjust to the suddenly higher levels of dopamine that meds are trying to induce.  This week the dosage has been doubled, so we are hoping there will be some improvements soon.  So far, Tuesday was a good day, he was feeling considerably better.  Even started to sound hopeful at last. But yesterday ... well .. he asked me to take him to the A&E at the hospital.  When I sat him down and asked him to tell me exactly why, eg what was he feeling, I explained that the hospital would also ask that and we would have to explain that he is adjusting to new Parkinsons meds.  And each of the symptoms he described were possible or likely side effects of either the new medications or the disease itself.  All they would do would be to tell you to go home and be patient, or to talk to your neuro.  He finally saw the sense of this.  But I told him I would ring and make an apt with his GP the next day (today) if he was not feeling any better, or if he was worse, that I would take him straight to the hospital.  Thankfully today has shown some improvement.  I think its going to be a real roller coaster and trial and error in getting the medications right for his Parkinsons.  Thankfully he has another apt with his psychiatrist in a couple of weeks.  He has continued to talk about wanting to check out.  Saying things like "why didnt you just let me die", which I find very distressing.  I respond as best I can, but then quietly wander off and find a quiet corner to have a cry.

 

I saw my psych yesterday.  We went through all that had happened over the past month since I saw her last.  Which was the day before I went to visit family. Less than 4 weeks ago, and yet it seems like months ago.  Such an eventful 4 weeks. So she suggested I go back to see her again in 2 weeks.  Although things have settled somewhat with regards my parents, there is still the ongoing issues with hubby.  She says I am likely to experience a 'low' at some stage, almost like a let down or a crisis point. Quite common she says after a highly stressful and anxious time.  But I reminded her that I dont have any MHCP sessions left and that I could not expect her to provide too many discounted sessions.  So I will see her again in 4 weeks time, but in the meantime she has asked me to keep in touch with her via email.  Which I will do.

 

I just feel like I am desperate for a half decent sleep ... just one sleep!  Why is sleep so hard, or breathing too for that matter, when it should come so easily?  Isnt it meant to be one of the most basic of human instincts, something that happens without you even needing to think about it?  I dont know why its so darned impossible at times then.  Speaking of sleep ... thats what I need to try and do now.  Its half an hour prior to midnight.  So weary ...

 

Sherry 

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

@Former-Member I hope you managed some sleep after midnight, or rest at least.

I was relieved to read your parents are being cared for. I wondered if it could become permanent for them both, somewhere safe, and together. It might not be possible.

Your struggles with hubby are on going and very complicated, I hope the meds increase helps eventually.

As far as the difficulties with sleep and breathing go @Former-Member it's not as simple as it all sounds. I am pleased your psych is staying in touch via email. I know it's not the best solution, but it's something and you trust her. 

You have so much going on, far too much for one person to cope with. Though I have no answers, I will be listening and sending warm thoughts across the Tasman. Go as gently as you can. Lots of these for you. 💗💕💜💗💕💜🐾🐾🐾

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

You are still dealing with so much @Former-Member yet you continue to put one foot in front of esch other - so much respect for you Hon Heart

None of what you are dealing with is easy but it is good that your Mum and Dad are being cared for - that would certinly take some of the weight off in the interim at least.

I hope you hubby's meds start to work and you see some improvement soon - so difficult to deal with but again you are doing such a wonderful job there.

No doubt there are many times when you want to give up yourself but you continue to give and give to everyone around you. Make sure you take that little time for yourself when you can also and reach out to your psych who seems to be very caring and wants to be a support for you.

Sending you warm hugs and lots of love Heart

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

@Former-Member, sending you lots of hugs and love my friend HeartLove.jpg

 

heart-png-butterfly-6.png

 

 

 

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

@Former-Member

Thinking of you.

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

@Former-Memberare you ok my friend

you are going through soo much , sending you hugs for today and sitting with you Heart

Re: Supporting an already Depressed Partner through Cancer diagnosis

@Maggie @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

 

Thanks for your recent messages, and my apologies for not responding sooner.  I have been reading lately but rarely posting.

 

Well ... just on a week ago my parents took  the opportunity to escape the nursing home.  They checked themselves out of there and got a taxi back home. They waited until my brother was flat out with shearing on his farm and my sister was away for a long weekend, so there was nobody around to convince them of the benefits of staying.  Even if they'd stayed until the Monday it would have been better.  Services could have been arranged (eg visiting nurse, meals, cleaner, etc) then. And at least either my brother or sister would have been around to check on them every couple of days. But no ... they did a runner and didnt even notify the nursing home of their intentions.  After speaking to my Mum on the phone she told me she was going home.  So I promptly rang the manager and asked him if he was aware of that.  Nobody was of course.  So he spoke to them but was unable to convince them to stay.  Independent old buggers!

 

I am really concerned about them.  Despite them assuring me they are coping, I know in reality that they're not. Every day is a struggle just to get by.  Something they simply do not need to do.  But it is their choice in the end, and all I can do is to try my best to support their decision by ensuring they have a much support to live at home as is possible.

 

They saw their GP on Tuesday and home nursing has been set up starting next week, but only for 1 day per week.  Not really enough when neither of them are safe to shower independently, and Dad has a bad cut on his toe and terrible circulation.  I think the infection has cleared up, but it is a deep cut going into the 4th skin layer and it needs careful monitoring and dressing.  Mum is meant to be Dads carer, but she simply isnt up to it.  Neither physically nor mentally. Her mental decline is quite obvious in lots of respects.

 

My brother managed to get into town to visit them yesterday and I asked him to check their webster packs for the vital meds they are both meant to be taking.  He took a photo and sent it to me.  Gosh .. such a worry ... a haphazard very hit and miss affair.  Many meds have not been taken, where as others have been taken twice and are taken days ahead of where they should be.  Given that Dad is on blood thinners to prevent further clots and strokes, its really important that he gets the right dosage.  Mum is on strong pain relief (opiates) which is restricted medicine, and she is popping them like they are candy. She has always been a bit of a pill popper.  I know she is in pain from the current spinal fractures plus her ongoing rheumatoid arthritis, but you have to be so careful with these drugs. I also know that because she is no longer being well cared for as she was in the nursing home (where she was feeling so much better) that she is now needing to do things which she shouldnt be doing.  And this is causing additional pain for her.  So the medication issue is a major concern for the pair of them.  But gosh ... what do you do, when they refuse propper care and insist they are doing fine on their own?  But you know they're not!

 

Hubby is much the same as last time I reported here.  Saw the neurologist again and the advice is to remain on the current dosage of parkinsons disease meds, and to remain patient.  Meanwhile, he remains very frustrated and angry about his perceived lack of any improvement.  He has been drinking more again, and becomes quite abusive at times. His mobility does not seem to be improving much, if at all. He can mostly walk about 20 meters, but very unsure and unsteady. His shakiness is fluctuating with the medication, which does seem to improve it.  But it wears off after about 3-4 hours. Timing is pretty vital to maintain any function.  Last night for example we had dinner and we had a lamb salad.  I gave him a serrated steak cutter for the lamb, but he was really shaky last night.  He lost his temper, threw the plate down along with the cuttlery and accused me of giving him the wrong cutlery.  He wanted a smooth steak cutter, not the serrated one.  Argh.  My fault of course .. I should have known!  So yeah .. he remains pretty volatile.  I do wish he wouldnt drink so much, but he says its the only  thing he has left now.  Who am I to argue?  The neurologist says we need to be patient, that it will take time to get the meds right and for it to have full effect.  And we see him again in 2 months. Meanwhile its important that he exercise as much as possible.  So once a week now, I take him in to an exercise physiologist where he is concentrating on balance and strengthening exercises.

 

I dont know whats happening with me.  I'm getting maybe a few hours sleep most nights.  But constantly worrying about one thing or another.  This past week I have been getting really dizzy weird spells where my head just goes into a flighty spin.  And it lasts maybe 20 seconds or so where it feels like my head is being thrown around and around. Then my vision slowly comes back into focus again.  But it leaves me feeling quite strange and I feel kind of muzzy (is that a word?) in the head all the time now. I might have to see someone about it.  Certainly I cannot afford not to be able to drive.  Hubby cant.

I see my psychologist again in a couple of weeks.  She has asked me to give some thought to doing another batch of EMDR therapy in the new year.  I will give it some consideration between now and then.

 

Little Holly has had a sore leg this past week or so.  I think she may be getting arthritis in her shoulder.  She has always been a very active and lively little girl, so its highly likely that coming up 10yo, she may well be getting arthritis setting in. I hope it doesnt get too bad, but I will ask the vet about whether there is anything I can do in the natural remedy options.

 

Sherry Heart

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