Lived Experience Forum

[greenpea]

@JosRapp  Just wanted to say good night . Am heading off to organize son2 into bed for the night. Take good care of yourself and remember that people do care. Love peaxxx

[JosRapp]

@greenpea Have been on meds before, and they didn't help with my moods at all, apart from one lot making my anxiety worse. I don't think they helped laregly because I know what is causing my depression and anxiety, so I know that those causes are still there, and still happening, no matter what pills I take. Have been to psychiatrists before too. It was one who diagnosed me on the autistic spectrum, although others before and after have said that I'm not. But none of them have really been very helpful. Have done role playing social situations, but, it is all rather pointless when those situations never happen. No therapist has come up with any new idea to help meet people, it just tends to be to repeat the same things that have never worked. A therapist and my GP did try to get me on the NDIS, but they turned me down. But I have been to services before that offer that same kind of thing. Someone to see, go for a coffee with, ect ect. I think the problem was that I knew that they were really just paid to be there for an hour or two every two weeks or once a month. I knew there were boundries. And they didn't help in finding anywhere to go, or with meeting people. It sort of felt like I was supposed to be OK with just that limited contact. So I don't know. Every year I try not to get my hopes up, but still, I end up hoping that the year will end better than it started. That kind of year has never happened though. It is like being invisible, all the time, not just physically, but emotionally invisible to people. Like you are not seen, with the eyes, or the heart. Having your dreams dismissed as unimportant .. just because nobody seems to want to even try with you.

[greenpea]

@JosRapp Hey JosRapp I know I am only a voice on the screen but I consider you a friend :). I think you are an intelligent guy who needs a break.  Making friends in real life is hard. I would say my best friends are my family.  Then I have a really good friend my neighbour who is priceless. Then my support workers and mental health nurse and of course my friends on Sane. Not many aye ... but I value them so much. 

It is quality over quantity. Start small and work your way up. Honestly you sound great to me and you are not alone just keep remembering that.

Have you had a chance to look around the social chat sites on the forum?  That will be a good way to meet other people. Stretching your wings and flying on the forum :). Love peax

[jamesle2015]

You are a smart and you definitely know what's going on...

I can relate to what you are saying..

I find that most people are very superficial and lack substance..

they play 'games' all the time e.g. they need to show they are 'better' than others so they make it seem

that it's someone else's fault so they appear to be 'superior' to other people...you know what I mean this sort of thing goes on in the workplace all the time..

I work in retail so I have experienced it

Or they refuse to admit their mistakes and they manage to say something that makes it seem

as though it's not their mistake so they can pin it on someone else...

Or they think they know everything and you have to listen to their 'wisdom' gained from 'experience'

and they go on and on and on and they don't realise they have given the same 'lecture' many times

before and no one is interested to hear it again

It is hard to find sincere people so I am glad you are here on the forum

[JosRapp]

@greenpea 

Sorry it has taken a while to reply. The past few days have not been so good. 

My family have never been understanding, let alone supportive in any way. From a young age I was told that I was not the child they wanted. I have an older sister, and I think they really only wanted one. They have never shown any interest in anything I do, or want, or my interests or how I feel. I think they barely even listen to anything I might say or tell them. We can be in the same room, and it will be like I am invisible. 

I’ve never had friends, like I have said already. So nobody to go out with, or even call. Even online I don’t have anyone to talk with really, just things like here, but nobody to talk with on any messenger app or anything. I’ve never been to a party, apart from family birthday parties, but never been invited anywhere. Even going to a movie or something, the last time I did that with anyone was in 1996. I tried going to a movie group from meetup.com, but it didn’t go well. 

I think in a way, that is why finding friends, and a relationship, is important to me. Because I’ve never had the social connections, the support and encouragement of anyone. That is why doing things with someone is important to me too. Not just as part of a group or something, but someone who I have a connection with ... don’t know if that makes much sense. Sorry. 

It it just feels that most of the time I am invisible. Out in the real world, or online. I’ve always been told that I “fall between the cracks”, which to be honest has always just felt like another way of being told that you are always forgotten or ignored. That you don’t matter. 

Hope Your days have been OK. 

[JosRapp]

@jamesle2015 

I think you are right in some things. I have trust issues from being bullied for most of my life, in most places I have gone, or from the feeling of just being ignored. I know people play “games”, and I guess, from experience and observation, it seems that many people think that people are just disposable. 

[greenpea]

@JosRapp  Hey JosRapp hugs and hugs for you from pea. There is nothing I would like to do more than to meet up and have coffee and go to a movie with you to prove to you that you matter and that people care. I care alot about how you are doing and feel privledged that you continue to reach out to me as I know how hard it is for you to do so.

Try not to despair. There is a person out there for you. You just havent met her yet. Dont give up trying. Keep going to all the activities that you can cope with and sooner rather than later you will meet this person I will guarantee it. 

Have faith in yourself. I don't know if you are religious JosRapp but if you are religious organisations like churchs would be a good way to meet up with people. Just keep giving things a go. Love peaxx

[JosRapp]

@greenpea thank you that you continue to reply. It is difficult yeah, unfortunately I haven’t really had good experiences on sites like these, or just in finding people to talk with in general. 

I try try not to despair, but it is not easy. Maybe 20 years ago I didn’t. I actually believed that there was someone for everyone, and that I would find someone when I least expected it. All of those lines. But it didn’t happen. I think if I was actually meeting people, and it felt like there was a chance, then maybe it would be OK, but, it is like every door is closed, and locked. 

No, I’m not religious at all. But I have tried going to church groups though. Some were suggested by therapists and other mental health people. But I did not find them very good. Not very friendly or supportive ... seems to be a common thing I find, where others find people are welcoming and make friends, I seem to find just turned backs.

Like I said, if I was meeting people then maybe it would be OK. It would be good to have coffee with someone, but yeah. 

[greenpea]

@JosRapp  Hey JosRapp I promise I will never turn my back on you and I can guarantee that when you are feeling more comfortable and want to visit some of the other sites on the forum you will find friendly, caring people there who will not turn their back on you either :).

Are you a reader? If so what books do you like? I have been reading Jane Harper books The Dry etc. There is going to be a movie coming out of her novel The Dry I cannot wait 🙂

[greenpea]

@JosRapp  I am heading off soon but will be on tomorrow. If you are around pop by and say hello. Have a great night and a super pea day Tuesday. Love peax