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Something’s not right

JosRapp
Senior Contributor

Silent Weeks

Just, well, struggling this past week. Is it strange to say that sometimes I forget the sound of my own voice? There is that few people to talk with that it seems like I can go weeks, even months, without saying anything to anyone. I used to go to the shops just so I could say “thank you” to the person at the counter, and that would be the only words I would say to another person all week. But after years of that ... well, to be honest, it doesn’t feel like it is enough. I can’t really remember the last social conversation I had with someone. I can’t remember the last time I met anyone, especially not in any social situation or felt like there might be a chance for friendship, or more. Nobody has ever shown any interest, that is for sure. There is nobody at work to talk with, any other contact with anyone is always someone like a doctor or therapist. They are paid to be there and speak to me and listen and .. and then time is up, make another appointment and out the door you go. Back in to silence.

 

Sometimes I talk to myself. Well, often I talk to myself really. Stand in front of the mirror and ... l’m not sure really. I think sometimes I can see why nobody has liked me, why I never seem to find anywhere to fit in and belong. Sometimes I think I can hear why all that has never happened. Why would anyone want to hear my voice? Look at me? 

 

But this last week have just been struggling with the isolation. The feeling that it is never going to happen .. no friends, no relationship .. that this is how it will always be. And it is scary. 

28 REPLIES 28

Re: Silent Weeks

I hear you @JosRapp... Could you look at joining some. Interest or hobby. Groups? Local. Library and. Community notice boards might give you some ideas.

 

Some people here use meetup app.. I. Haven't really tried it myself. 

 

Take care 

Re: Silent Weeks

Hi @Gazza75 

 

have tried interest and hobby groups and classes. And volunteering. And apps and sites, including meetup, without any success on any of them. It feels like an endless cycle of the same things, repeated over and over and over again, and never getting anywhere. Sometimes it is like I only exist as text on a screen, not in anyone’s life ... and nobody is in mine. 

Re: Silent Weeks

@JosRapp  Hey JosRapp have you thought of toast masters international. That might be a good way to meet people and to talk (to hear your own voice :)). Take good care of yourself and keep posting here as we care about how you are going. peaxx

Re: Silent Weeks

Hi @JosRapp 

 

I think you are new to the forum so I would like to take this chance to welcome you - there are some really fine people here to would really like to share with you - I hope you find some like-minded people to get to know - in fact - I am sure you will

 

I live alone too and although my weeks are pretty full with people coming here to help me with domestic help and shopping and I have other appointments - which means there is someone nearly every day - but still there are the weekends and sometimes long weekend and now again again even longer weekends when things get very quiet and I will sometimes realise I haven't spoken to anyone for a couple of days so I can imagine how difficult it would be if your whole life is like this

 

I used to have a cat - I called her Companion Cat though it wasn't her real name - I had her for 15 years and we had a high quality of life together - I would talk to her often and as there were just the two of us we were very close. Unfortunately she had to be helped over the Rainbow Bridge late last year and I still miss her but my life does go on - I a not planning to have another pet likely to outlive me now - which would leave my daughter with a problem. Not happening

 

I tried going to the U3A which was pretty good but my busy week programme meant there was only one day free for classes and I was enjoying it. Alas the co-ordinator dropped out and I haven't picked up anything esle by I might try again next year - I might try something else next term - I do take trips from time to time and miss things

 

When I am away I talk naturally with other people - particularly other tourists - but still - as much as I do cope well alone I do find like you - I want to hear the sound of my own voice at times

 

It's a problem for solitary people.

 

It seems you have tried various things - classes are good if that's your thing - and I have gone to the shops for a chat with the people there too and also - I find that people who are at the coffee shop - sitting outside with their dogs - are pretty happy to talk to their admirers - always a good bet that one

 

We can always pray if that's our thing - I find it works - I talk to myself too and even answer myself - I find this okay - I don't think I am losing that plot doing this - in fact it helps to deal with an idea that is becoming intrusive

 

My favourite thing is singing - I sing a lot

 

I really hear you though - even though we are typing when we talk to each other here we are communicating - I hope this helps - 

 

Whatever you are interested in you can share here - we do have the Social Spaces and people do share their interests here - 

 

I wish you the best

 

Dec

Re: Silent Weeks

Hi @greenpea 

 

Yeah, have tried going to Toastmasters, but public speaking is definitely not my thing, and it didn’t help with meeting people, or with social confidence for me at all. 

Re: Silent Weeks

@JosRapp  Hey JosRapp Toastmasters would be a hard gig - I couldnt do it. funny though how mu I hate my own voice. I avoid talking on phones as much as possible and use internet services like chat for example to talk with people. 

 

How have you been going today?

Re: Silent Weeks

Hi @Owlunar 

 

Thanks for the welcome. Yes, it has been pretty much all my life really. Never had friends to talk with, and family only used to talk to me if they really had to. Now they don’t even do that much. There is nobody to talk with at work. 

 

I have had pets. 6 cats and 2 dogs, although not all at the same time! Walking the dogs never helped in meeting anyone or starting conversations. Even the last dog I took to puppy training when she was younger didn’t result in any conversations with anyone there. Sorry about the loss of your cat. The last pet I had died very suddenly 7 years ago, and I had to deal with that on my own, with nobody to even talk to about it, and it was very traumatic. 

 

Would like to to do some travelling, both around Australia and overseas. But not alone. It’s not something I want to be yet another thing I have to do on my own, don’t want it to be something that Only I remember, and I know that financially I will probably only get one chance at it. I have tried some sites that are for finding travelling companions, but never found anyone. Not even a reply or a enquiry or anything. I am not interested in tour groups or things like that, would rather plan it myself and take time to see the things I want to see, and most tour groups seem to be for people either much older than me, or much younger with a heavy focus on drinking. 

 

I’m not religious at all, so praying isn’t my thing. Have tried going to church groups before though .. was suggested that people there would be more friendly and welcoming, but unfortunately I didn’t find that. I never seem to. Sometimes I find that people on forums like this, and even therapists, get angry because I have different experiences to them and what they have tried or what they suggest just doesn’t seem to work for me. It adds quite a bit to the frustration and loneliness really. 

 

I guess it it is not just the loneliness really, but also the lack of any connection to anyone. I see people at work sitting together at lunch talking, and if I try to approach, even to sit nearby, it feels like I must be some kind of leper ringing a bell with how they all suddenly have to get up and leave. But sometimes I wonder what it is like to have friends to have lunch with, or dinner. I tried going to some kind of dinner club once .. but that was a disaster and I ended up being ignored and pretty much sitting on my own again. 

 

Sorry for saying so much, hope your day has been ok. 

Re: Silent Weeks

@greenpea Yep, and you had to get up and give a talk about something in front of them. It wasn’t optional or anything. I just couldn’t do it. 

 

I don’t have a problem with using the phone for formal reasons like making appointments and stuff like that. I don’t have anyone to call socially. 

 

This week hasn’t been good. It sometimes feels everything blends together. Each day, each week, even each month seem to become one. Even every year really. Every decade. There just isn’t any connection to anyone. No social enjoyment. No affection. The only company I really have is the TV. 

 

Hope P.E. your week has been better.

Re: Silent Weeks

@JosRapp I know things are super tough for you. As I said you remind me alot of 2 of my children both of whom have autism and other problems. If you could be propertly diagnozed then you could receive alot of services through the ndis for example. Which would open up the world to you.  Give you someone to meet up with for a coffee, go for a walk with etc all these things which so many people take for granted but for so many is just a dream.

 

Would you consider seeing a psychiatrist and being properly seen to? perhaps some medication to life your mood? I dont know if I have already told you but I have schizoaffective disorder and am on medications and they have changed my life for the better. It is just a thought. peax

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