Rumination and unhelpful coping strategies. TW: Addictive tendencies

[tyme]

I wonder if we can bring our body back to those moments of peace and work to sit in that space? @creative_writer 

[AuntGlow]

I am glad to hear this @creative_writer. I will be finishing up soon but will be back on Sunday and would love to see how you are doing then. 🥰

[creative_writer]

@tyme I could try that. I just feel a bit guilty with how things have been, like I have so much to be grateful for, but these thoughts and emotions are hard. I feel like I’m somehow ungrateful.

Maybe I could transport myself to a safer place when things get a bit overwhelming. I can still sit with the discomfort in short bouts, that way I’m not totally avoiding the discomfort.

I’ll see you over the weekend @AuntGlow. I hope you have a restful few days 💖

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer , it's not about being ungrateful. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. It hear how hard it is for you to sit in that space.

But yes, we're more than happy to sit with you if you wanted to find that place of peace where your body is relaxed. 

It takes practice and there may be a few stumbles along the way.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I’ve had dinner, I’m hoping that helps me think clearer. I sort of didn’t eat, drink water or use the bathroom during my hyperfixation period. I was trying to get a new software thing to work since I’ll be using it when I start volunteering. I was frustrated it wasn’t working, so I tried updating my laptop’s software. Updating my laptop deleted some of my files. On the positive I have the files, my poetry and photos are too precious to me. I’m going to have to reload those files via USB. Technical frustrations haven’t helped. I probably should stick reminders to eat and drink water.

I do picture myself being in a place where I’m spiritually connected, to my faith, and even to my surroundings. I imagine myself admiring the beauty of nature. My body feels relaxed, and I feel safe. My body feels normal, there is no pain or other discomfort.

This is a bit unrelated, there appears be an on and off issue with supporting posts. It hasn’t been fully resolved yet

[creative_writer]

The constant flashbacks are still happening.

I’ve been thinking it would be nice to adopt a child, I feel like it would be good where I’m at with my life. I don’t have funds though. It would give me something to focus on

[creative_writer]

I can’t help but wonder whether the reason why I’m having constant flashbacks is because I’m doing something wrong and have done something wrong. I can’t seem to shake off the thought that the flashbacks are a punishment. I know thoughts are thoughts and not always accurate but it’s hard

[rav3n]

hey @creative_writer i'd love to adopt a child too... then the thought of having to bathe them, get them ready for school, pack food... i can barely do that for myself 😆 it's been a while since i've worked with kids, i miss their curious minds!

i think you mentioned earlier on that your psych talked about letting it in and sitting with it, rather than fighting the flashbacks? (correct me if i'm wrong, my memory isn't the best!) how are you going with that?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n kids are so cute, I miss the free-ness.

My psych did want me to learn to sit with the discomfort. It’s been hard. The constant nature makes it challenging, maybe it’ll get easier with time. I don’t think I’m there yet. I find it easier to sit with during short periods, but the long periods tire me out. It’s not realistic to stay busy all the time

[rav3n]

@creative_writer i miss that too. 

that makes sense, you've been coping by keeping yourself busy and now to actually sit with it... that sounds really tough and uncomfy! sitting with it for short periods of time sounds like a good start, i do believe it'll get easier with time. you've only just started so do go easy on yourself 💜